#ChronicPain from 3level lumbar with bone autograft.
#failed Back Surgery syndrome
#spondololythesis
##bladder issues from damaged nerves from spinal fusion now I have to cath 3 x daily for the rest of my life
#major depressive disorder
#PanicDisorder
#Anxiety disorder
#Agoraphobia
I can't decipher what's #MentalIllness and what's just life being hard sometimes. The fact that I've #failed so often and incessantly, means it's harder to sift through the wreckage...
adamswierk.com/2019/09/24/a-proneness-to-exaggeration-depres...
It was most traumatic for me because I stayed in a state of disbelief for a long time, thinking I would soon go back to work. After being hospitalized four times, in day treatment for six weeks. Where you start off as an inpatient then the hospital picks you up from home and after group therapy off six hours bring you back home. And one hospital stay of one month, when my daughters half sister had to sign me out and bring me back so I could watch my child graduate from High school. I now have a therapist of ten years who reminds me I am to hard on my self that everyone has flaws and after eighteen years of illness I need to except who I am with the physical and mental pain. And that some day are just going to be harder to get through. ##schizoaffectivebipolar #Fibromyalgia #DegenerativeDiscDisease #failed back surgery syndrom
#why #whyIkeepgoing #lost #found #tried #failed #reason
I’ve had nothing, I’ve had everything ...
I’ve been lost, I’ve been found ...
I’ve tried, I’ve failed ...
But I have never given up ...
Because no matter what, I have two children that I will provide for, regardless of that it takes...
They’ll never go without, they’ll never need, they’ll always have me ...
They are my ‘why’, they are my reason for living, they are my existence, they are Ari and Mason.
We all have our ‘Why’ .. what is yours .. ?
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