familysucks

Tonight it may be difficult for me to get a decent nights sleep. I just called my sister out on her bullshit.

I hadn’t spoken to her in months. I felt I had to call her and tell her that a boyfriend from her distant past had died.

I also wanted to calmly discuss a boundary that I thought I established months ago. I told her that if she visits my daughter who has alienated us, that there’s no reason to write that she’s staying with her on a post card! I said you’ve no idea how much it hurts to be estranged for no apparent reason. She became unhindged and yelled at me, then hung up on me, and said she’s not reading my texts.

I see it as taunting and simultaneously bragging that she mentioned visiting my oldest daughter and son in law and that she was staying with them. Am I wrong? Why tell me that, was she trying to hurt me? There are friends and people in the family that she’s had bad relationships with in the past, that she’s become angry with me for talking about, even casually mentioning or using their name, so I don’t. I respect that.

Why can’t she respect me, and my wishes for basically the same thing? Maybe it wasn’t the time to discuss it with her,but it’s been something that was bothering me for months, and we also hadn’t talked for months. I had told her I needed to talk about a couple of things. I wanted to resolve it, and my feelings. She couldn’t even calmly discuss it. Now, we’re upset with each other.

I think it’s better that I just don’t talk to her again. We are just way too different, and we’re not even friends with each other lately. I hate to lose an only sister. But, I’ve friends and family, women who are more like sisters to me, than my own sister.

The main reason I am in therapy is because of my family. Right now, my mother and my older brother are the main culprits of my stressors in my life. I don’t love these people but I do care about them. Anyone else? #familysucks #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Familytroubles

A couple of weeks ago I confided in my sister and shared things about my life that I don’t like to say out loud. Part of my story had to do with one of my sons has complex needs. He has been in trouble and has behaviours that he is receiving therapeutic intervention for. We had a good, long talk and it felt that she was listening. We agreed to talk again a week later. She didn’t contact me , so I send her a message. Just a simple ‘hi sis’. She didn’t respond. So a week later I send her ‘ Have a beautiful morning’. She didn’t respond to that either. One day after that, she send a me a message saying ‘ I don’t feel like talking’. I told her I got that message already two weeks before and I only had send her a message, because I wondered if she was ok, since she did not call back when we agreed to talk. Her response was, that she was not able to have a constructive conversation with me, so she wanted to give it some time. She stopped reading my responses after that. I felt like I was hit by truck. Really did not see this coming. My sister does this to all her family members. It is not the first time She did not talk to me for several years. It does hurt though. I guess my biggest mistake was to believe her words. Or rely on her support.
I had also tried to call my mother several times in the week before. She has her own issues and she rarely picks up the phone anyway. I had hoped that she would see my missed calls and at least send me a WhatsApp message, but no. This all left me feeling alone.
This all ended with me blocking most of my immediate family members on social media .

How do you deal with not being able to rely on your family and not being able to share some important struggles with friends?

I'm no one special. I have my issues just like everyone else. But I do know that I am a progressive person. I care alot about people and sacrifice much of my time and energy on trying to help others and understand them atleast. I've always been one to speak up about this, about accepting and helping all people no matter their appearnce, ethnic background, money status, family ties...it just does not matter to me. But as i've grown older I have realized that even though my family/support system has always said they are not racist and judgemental...Their actions and words prove otherwise. I'm also realizing that much of my anxiety/depression has been a result of them shunning me whenever I would talk progressively about others and and the world. It's a hard thing to process when the one's you love and that you know love you are not able to love the world as much as you...it's sad...and it's tareing us apart. But I will not be like them.

#Blacksheep #Judgement #familysucks

Went out to brunch and I was ignored the entire brunch. I was invited by my sister who I haven’t seen in a year. I was totally ignored. I am a different person with my family. My sister made inappropriate comments relating to me. I thought my sister would have been different since I was invited. She interrupted me. I kept trying to talk and no one wanted to hear what I had to say. A duck is a duck is a duck! #familysucks #emotionallyabusive

You know when you find someone that actually cares about you despite all your flaws and you want to hang out with them and get to know them before you let your family meet them? That's what happened to me. I always used to think that no one could love me or care about me because of my depression and all of my flaws, but i found someone who despite knowing all of that said he cared. I was so surprised to hear that someone cared. So i wanted to spend time with him before my mom met him, it was going well and he gave me a small side hug, since he was trying to make me feel better, and thats when my mom happened to walk in. She told me to grab my stuff since we were leaving. Once it was just me and her she called me a Whore (im sorry for the bad language) and she told me she wished i was locked up in prison, (not to mention she made racist comments about the guy i was with) She thought my uncle would side with her, but he didnt instead he took me to the hospital because of my suicidal thoughts and self harm, i stayed there for a night and then got sent to another place where i was supposed to relax (i was there for 5 days), the day after my mom said she wished i was locked up, she called the place i was at and said things like "im lost without you" and "i miss and love you" but thats the complete opposite of what she was saying the night before, am I in the wrong? For wanting to get to know someone first before introducing them to my mom. I feel confused and depressed right now, and I'm so tempted to run away from home because my mom is the main reason im suicidal and depressed, plus April is the month when my father passed away so im sad about that as well.
(Sorry for the little rant post)

so people are so clueless dont even know shit saying im stupid making me feel like shit.... so done