For years I have battled with my Mother who has suffered long term effects trialling medication for bipolar schizophrenia that in large has proven negative effects specifically the incapability of thinking for oneself, incognizance of self, deluded reality, and the causal factors associated with mental illness itself. Here I struggle as an adult in my 30’s slowly concluding my own personal ideas and beliefs of psychological and emotional abuse. What has been tremendous effort trying to maintain some level of understanding and building a relationship with my mother I am yet disappointed by her crusade in creating divide between me and my half siblings, two older brothers and one sister to her first husband. In the past something as simple as a phone call to her, the conversation soon turns into her complaining then directs the focus to me “oh, your brother called me the other day, he was gossiping about you, so I told him to shut up, oh, I hope I did not upset you, did I? I am sorry darling you know you are my favourite; I want you to know that when I die you get everything in my house and assets, ok, the others will get nothing. I’m sorry darling but they don’t like you they told me”. Later when confronted of what she said she denies ever saying any of it. It dawned on me some years ago the persistent cruel intentions were heavy on the agenda, instinctively I have known some of the fact to be true as I am treated differently categorized as the ‘black sheep’ of the family and in this case have now completely rid of any means of contact. This of course results reaction and further manipulation demanding my attention via social media blackmail, emotional blackmail, endless voicemails and the list goes on. I do not particularly voice my thoughts aloud as in the past I have immediately been shut down so i write- a lot. My support system relies solely on therapists and close friends. Moving forward unscathed is utterly impossible.
#narcissism #Blacksheep #scapegoat #Brokenfamily