feel

Hi! I am new to this do I don't really know how to stars but I've beed dealing with depression since i was 11 i am now 14 and still dealing with it. Lately It's been worse again you know the feeling when you just finally got out of it and then you fall in again. Well I've been having hard tine dealing with self harm and suicide thoughts to so i don't really know what to do with myself. I have a therapist but for some reason I am so afraid to cry infront of her and then I end up not telling her what is actually happening. But I have a problem with my friend and I really hope I am not the bad Guy in this. So if I can I will just tell the story and I hope you can tell me what to fo cuz idk. So me and my friend were friends for a year and a half and we were kind of very toxic she lied to me for a month for being pregnant and showing me fake test but i have always forgave her for all of that. We Both made mistakes. Well in August she gave me a promise to not forget about me when she goes to a diffrence school (she is a year older). And know since september i have not seen her almost twice and i ask her every weekend if she has time but she always says she is busy and goes out with other friends and she in not only ignoring me but my two friends too its been happening for about 2 months and we've had enough tomorow we finally convived her to hang out with us but we are not really sure she'll come we want to comfront her. Because she's been ignoring all of our texts if she has time ghosting us ignoring us and telling us she is busy meanwhile she's been hanging out with only two other friends all the time. If she doesn't want to be my freind i want her to tell. well tomorow we are going tk comfront her about this and we'll see what happens.#Friends #feel

I'm going through a lot right now. I don't know what else to do but write it down.

I feel like my seams are coming untethered.
Everything feels like it's falling apart.
I've broken a faith that could 'never be severed
All I've done was broken her heart.
My best friend
My person
Always there when I needed
Has to turn away from me
Because she 'can't watch me drown'.
I'm too tired to try to make this make sense so I fake it
So I can stop letting people down.
All I can think is fundamentally
What in God's name is so wrong with me
That the chaos entices me
Till my loved ones can't breathe.
I'm a burden.
Aint no other way to say it
I have hurt her
This time there may not be a way to mend
Putting her through all of the hurdles
Unknowingly
All the wile
Loosing faith
Behind brown eyes.

#Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD

Summer started with my first vacation since before the Pandemic. My vacation was an adventure to the NW Coast where I have never been before. I love to travel by myself and take time to explore. I came back home refreshed and feeling strong.

A week ago, I got poison Ivy while working in my garden. It was on my eyelids and nose. My doctor gave me Prednisone. The good thing is, it cleared the rash up quickly. The bad thing is, Prednisone sparks depression in me. I deal with anxiety and depression anyway on a regular basis, but this episode has really knocked me down.

It makes me think about family issues that I thought I’d set aside. It makes me think about losing my Mom 2 years ago. It makes me think about the horrible accident my Dad was in last year at this time. It reminds me I’m alone. It makes me think of all the mistakes I’ve made in life. It reminds me of all the times I’ve been mocked for who I am. It makes me remember how I once trusted people and how those people let me down. I don’t trust anyone anymore.

I keep telling myself it’s just the medication still in my body that is doing this to me, but I’m having a tough time getting over this and all the bad thoughts it brings to my mind. I don’t want to do anything but sit. And tonight I am having a tough time sleeping. Failure is blocking my eyes. #Depression aggravated by Prednisone #feel all my failings #all alone #Family mocks my mental health

#feel horrible. Hi everybody. I'm new to all this. i have been in a flare for about 7 weeks but the numbness feeling is getting a little better. Most days right now I just feel horrible. No energy and feel like the world is overwhelming. Then every once in a while I have a day or two with a glimmer of hope. Is this normal? I have had my first Ocrevus treatment with the two one this Friday.

Magnetic seizure therapy #feel better #take care of your body #soothe body and mind #Music and meditation!

Very little energy,,,,could be my diabetes,

I'm glad today is over, everything went wrong. I worked I messed up some calls, callers were rude to me, I got frustrated and flustered, my confidence today slipped to zero. I missed my evening tram home so had to wait 30 minutes longer, I needed to get some groceries, the ones I wanted weren't on the shelf, I needed some stamps, guess what, they ran out at the store! My day has been 12 hours, nothing has gone right. I feel numb. How was your day? #feelings #today #Depression #Work #Workstress #Anxiety #anxious #feel #myday