fightthrougheveryday

Some days I feel like I can’t go on any longer. Today was one of those days. I pray for strength to get me through another relationship casualty to BPD. #Bpdsucks #misundersood #SpecialNeedsMoms #fightthrougheveryday

I’ve always struggled with pain most of my life but I wasn’t diagnosed until this January. When young new physicians took over the practice. I was put on some medicines that didn’t work it seem to make it worse. I was then sent to a pain management doctor that specializes in fibromyalgia . I was put on Lyrica and tramadol and for months I felt that it wasn’t working. I went to my narcolepsy doctor and he said you have to weigh it out let the medicine get in your system good before you toss it out. Ok ... I’m still working 40-50 hours a week... can’t afford to work less... medicine,insurance, car payment , car insurance and the list goes on and on. My day usually starts around 2 am because I just can’t make myself lay there anymore. 3 am is the latest and I have to start moving I take my 2 capsules of Thrive every morning and everyday because it gives me energy , 20 minutes after that I take my vitamins and then at 6 Am I take my narcolepsy medicine so I can be safe on the roads by 7:30. I travel up and down the road providing care to the elderly . My day usually ends at 3pm some days later if people call out and I do the fill in. Most of the time I just keep moving around until I’ve been home cooked me something to eat and have token a shower . Because once I sit for more than 20 minutes it’s a done deal so I’m usually in bed by 5 o’clock. I take my night medicine lyrica and magnesium and pain meds ... and then the excruciating pain hits harder spasms, stiffness , pain and everything else. I finally fall asleep around 9/10 pm and sometime crying myself to sleep from pain and not being able to explain how I feel because I look perfectly normal on the outside.. Then at 1 am I take my meds for my fibromyalgia because I don’t want them to Interfere with my meds... I’m in pain all day but always tell myself my clients need me more . Some days I walk into there house after I’ve sum up enough strength to make it in to put myself in more torture. I find myself crying a lot because I uses to be able to read books and I had to stop school because I couldn’t get what I was reading even after reading it 100 times. I was once smart and sharp as a whip ( old folks phase) now I have brain fog so bad that I check behind myself repeatedly. I try my best not to complain . #FibromyalgiaSucks #Narcolepsy#Fibromyalgia #fightthrougheveryday #Godschosen #1

#CheckInWithMe
Ever since I was a child I had "unexplained pain". Doctors would tell my mother, "oh she had an infection that settled in her toe, groin, arm, finger, leg, etc. and its causing swelling in her knee, neck, ankle, etc. She has a sprain, a pulled tendon, tennis elbow, a virus, she's trying to get attention, meanwhile I would have actual swelling, high fevers, bruises in strange places, major fatigue and so much more. All my life from mild to severe pain, ribs overlapping(very painful),from as far back as I can remember, whenever I would take my first step to run I would get excruciating pain in my ankles(I would drop to the ground screeching, screaming out in pain, it would stop me in my tracks, but because I could walk the pain away it seemed like I was faking it to others around me, the same would happen to my hips, jaw, neck, knees, wrists, etc. The more I do the more pain, dizzy spells, palpitations, headaches, etc. I had and have. So I learned at a very young age how to suck it all in and keep it all to myself because that was better than being called a hypochondriac and being told by many many doctors that nothings wrong. I also would lie about wear my pain and injuries came from because when I had to walk with crutches or wear an ace bandage saying I was just walking, stood up or picked something up, people would just give me the two-headed look and say things like "that can't happen". These days I have pain every day and still hide it, so many people still don't get it. But I #fightthrougheveryday for the people who matter in my life, my kids. Thank you for giving me a place to lift some of this weight off my shoulders.