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To May, with Loss

I want to like May, I really do. But I just can’t. Hear me out.

May brings new life. It ushers in a tapestry of flowers and abundant sunshine and the promise of endless summer, of bonfires and warm nights. For me, the stark contrast of loss against a backdrop of such beauty has always been too much to reconcile. Beauty should be born in May. It should not die.

May 14, 1995 was Mother’s Day. I had turned eight years old two months before. I still have a framed photograph from that day of myself, my mom, and our family dog, sitting in the backyard in the sun – my mom in a brightly striped beach chair, me in the grass next to her, leaned in close and clutching on as if to say, “Don’t leave me.” In retrospect, I wonder how much I was actually able to appreciate on a day that’s all about appreciation. Did I thank my mom for all that she did for me? Did I make her a well-intentioned but less-than-impressive card by hand? Did I give her a gift? Did I say, simply, I love you?

Six days later, she did leave me.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

An excerpt from my essay "To May, with Loss," published by The Manifest-Station in 2015. This essay (and all of my other writing) is available at my Linktree page:

linktr.ee/girl_meets_grief

As both Mother's Day and my mom's 27th death anniversary approaches, I'm reminded yet again (as I am every year) that not only is grief not linear...it is not time-limited. It doesn't go away. It makes no difference how long it's been; it will always hurt, especially on anniversaries/birthdays/holidays/milestones. It just hurts differently with time.

#Grief #griefawareness #griefsupport #griefjourney #normalizegrief #Loss #Healing #Trauma #motherloss #MotherlessDaughter #childhoodloss #childhoodgrief #childhoodgriefsurvivor #griefsupportcoach #griefsupportspecialist #griefeducator #certifiedgriefeducator #Writing #griefwriting #manifeststation #girlmeetsgrief

@girl_meets_grief | Linktree

Writer. Certified Grief Educator. Grief Support Specialist.
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Invisible Army

This is a love letter to all the 53 million family caregivers out there. XOXO HZ
Dear “Invisible Army”,
As we approach National Family Caregiver Month I want you to know I am here for you.
I am your advocate, defender, and non-judgemental friend you may lean on.
I hear your secret cries in the shower, cars, and bathroom stalls alone.
I understand the frustration and sadness of what was and what is.
I see YOU when you are in the shadows and behind the scenes making sure your loved ones have the spotlight as you find your light fading.
All 53 million of you.
I feel your isolation, pain, guilt, shame, and loss of self.
I share in your triumph of having 15 minutes alone.
I grant you grace when you are barely treading water.
I will emphasize self-compassion for you are only human.
I will breathe with you when the doctor brushes you off, because how could you who are on the clock 24/7 and deal with crisis after crisis on a daily basis possibly know what is going on with your loved one when you didn’t choose to go into this field.
I will advocate for you when work questions “Again? Didn’t something just happen?” Yes, I will say with you and say yes it did just happen and it will happen again and again and thank you for the support and shared understanding.
I will not apologize anymore with you for the chaos that is ours and embrace it.
I hand you my voice to advocate for yourself.
I give permission to you to start putting boundaries so you may find your joy again.
I empower you to dig into your trauma and acknowledge your grief.
I will hold this safe space for you to begin your forgiveness journey of self and others.
I gift you light and love to fill the cracks of your broken heart and spirit so you may begin to rebuild both to become stronger and greater.
I laugh with you at the healing power of dark humor.
I will challenge you to find the beauty in this brutal life we lead.
I will gladly conduct this hot mess express and advance us into the light.
I want you to know I am here for you.
I am your advocate, defender, and non-judgemental friend you may lean on.
Love,
One of Fifty-three million.
#Disability #thanksgiving2018 #caring #agere #seniorcare #Dementia #seniorliving #griefsupport #SafeSpace #socialworker #ageregression #families #sfwlittlespace #ddlb #patient #littlespacecommunity #firstaid #Caregiving #babycore #Caregivers #patientcare #elderlycare #assistedliving #eldercare #alzheimersawareness #ageregressioncommunity #ageregressionsfw #onlinecounselling #homehealthcare #Caregiversupport #nationalfamilycaregiver

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