Dementia

Hi, my name is Nikki1966. I'm here because I struggle daily with BOD and PTSD , I also have chronic spine and back pain after a bad fall. I had surgery to replace discs in my neck 4 years ago but am still awaiting surgery on my lower spine but due to covid and NHS strikes I could be waiting 3 more years in which time it will get worse, this adds to my PTSD and BPD and puts strain on my partner too. I lost my mum 2 years ago on Xmas Day to vascular dementia but seem to only really be starting to grieve recently. I must sound like a lost cause at the moment but I’d really like to get out of the hole I’m stuck in and start living again! I seem to find any excuse not to go out or socialise and am now AMAZON and NETFLIX ETC best customer I think as I’m becoming very reclusive despite having 2 amazing dogs who seem to know I’m unwell and I have to push myself to walk them but always go alone and to places I know I will not meet people. I’m registered fully disabled and have enhances PIP and UC with the medical add one, I don’t have friends apart from my partner and his close friends but it’s a trial for me to mix and seem to get very hyper when I do. My kids are grown, one in london and one in Dubai so not close and both work so hard and long hours. Mt dad (81) lives with me but he’s a fall risk and is very deaf now with cataracts so is an added pressure. I’m hoping using this app might help me. if anyone would like to say hi I’ll reply and any help or advice how to get the best from Mighty I’d appreciate.thanks Nikki ( near Dundee, Scotland)

#MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD

I posted a week or so ago. I was given some good suggestions and am looking into them. My therapist and I are working on a plan to cover all areas. The eating disorder speaks very loudly. I know my therapist doesn’t specialize in eating disorders. I trust her and can’t start over telling someone else the story. I don’t know what to do, the black hole is consuming me. I live in ND and every week for the past 3 or 4 weeks we have had a blizzard. I’m sick of driving on bad roads. It would be so easy to “lose control “ on the ice. Even if that really happened, those people very few people wouldn’t believe it was an accident. I could go on forever about my mom who has Alzheimer’s and dementia and my worthless siblings - that could take pages. Thanks for listening. Hanging on by a thread.

Recently, I’ve learned that I dissociate when I’m overly stressed or because of a traumatic situation. My psychiatrist and psychologist believe I’ve been doing this since childhood. I’ve done a lot of research trying to learn more about dissociation. It is basically a mental disconnect.
For many people, dissociation is a natural response to trauma that they can't control. It could be a response to a one-off traumatic event or ongoing trauma and abuse.
My dissociations are symptoms of my mental health problems: PTSD, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and others.

Some of the disturbances I experience are:
*Seeing objects change in shape, size or color
*Feeling detached from the world around me
*See the world as unreal (kind of like we are all in some sort of game)
*Feeling like I’m living in a dream; having trouble telling what is real and what is a dream.
This is called derealisation. I used to think that everyone experienced this; until recently, I have learned otherwise.

Other disturbances I experience are:
*Feeling as though I am watching myself in a movie or looking at myself from the outside. I feel as if I just observe my emotions.
*I often feel disconnected from parts of my body and sometimes feel as if I have left my body.
*Being unsure of the boundaries between myself and other people. This is called depersonalization.
It sounds scary because it is!! Again, I thought this happened to everyone too but I’m learning that it does not!

Dissociative amnesia has to be the scariest form of dissociation for me. I have gaps in my memory where I can't remember certain events or information; I write a lot down! I often forget how to do something that I’ve been able to do in the past, and discover items that I don't remember owning! I also lose time!! I lose minutes to hours and sometimes days; not knowing what happened during these lapses. It sounds a lot like dementia but it is very different.
My doctors are very concerned with this one! Neuropsychological testing is to be performed this month to find out more.

Understanding these dissociative disorders has been traumatizing in itself but knowing what I have has actually helped me learn how to cope with them. I use research, psychotherapy and Buddhism.

What I am bothered by the most is hurting others while I am dissociating. Learning how to stay grounded has helped me become more aware of when I start to lose myself so that I do not cause anymore pain to my loved ones.

I have become more aware of when I start to dissociate and have learned how to ground myself. I have learned the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and it has been helping. The idea is to focus my attention within the room or space I am in by using my senses. I begin by simply focusing on my breath, then when I am able, I acknowledge five things I can see, four things I can touch, three things I hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. This process can be repeated or altered as needed until I find that I am able to successfully return to myself and do what is needed to care for my body and safety.
Another technique I use is touching my finger tips to one another and count 4,3,2,1,1,2,3,4 and repeat as many times as needed.
I also wear a silicone ring that I flip over to keep me alert as to where I am. I feel more in the present when doing this technique. Using our 5 senses is what will usually bring us back to homeostasis.

My mental health disorders are scary but it’s just how and who I am. I learn something new every week about myself through psychotherapy, my husband, our kids, and our friends. I’ve asked them all to be honest with me about my actions and emotions when I am unaware. They help me stay grounded; which makes all the difference.
Having a team of supporters has also been super helpful. If you have dissociative disorders and want to talk I’m here to listen bc I know how scary it can feel.

I am still getting over being sick and a major trigger reaction. Adjusted meds. I am doing much better. However, I still having problems with attention and memory. Makes me feel concerned. I was watching Golden Girls documentary. Estelle Getty had early signs of dementia in her fifties. My mom and grandmother had dementia, but it started in their early seventies. I find myself getting up and going to get something and then forgetting why I went there. Reminded my husband of my long-term care insurance and had relaxed but clear decision of what I would want if that did happen. Right now, just working to manage my anxiety and seeing what happens. Estelle Getty first attributed her memory difficulties to anxiety at being on television. What can you do? Trying to get back on track with Swimming but the weather has been cold, and the Roads have been slick. Working on my drawing skills and playing with pastels. Finally getting good at drawing noses. Cooking nice dinners. Trying to remain grounded in the present. Thats all I can do right now. Thanks for reading.

I'm having a rough go! I was in the basement for 15 days and had very limited contact with my husband. He took good care of my needs for the very first time in our 43 yrs of marriage. Since I've been upstairs he's increasingly become hostile towards me. I know it's mostly my fault as I can be negative and I've tried really hard not to be since I came back upcstairs. I'm on the brink as is common with me. The huge group of people will continue to harass me and hurt me and potentially my husband too. I believe my husband was so happy to be away from me and he could do HIS THING! Cross dress and be a loner not be reminded by me to drink water or anything else. So I'm not saying anything anymore.
I'm going to stay more in my bedroom and be cold. That's ok I have lots of blankets. I am fat and he looks at me with continual disgust!! I am so ashamed of myself and believe me if you knew the whole story you would be ashamed of yourself too!!! I am a horrible horrible person and I am only here for 1 reason and that is to take care of husband as he has some dementia and there is no one else to help. I had Covid and I have really bad symptoms. But I will be the chameleon for a bit longer until I can go away

I have just started being a nanny for my daughter, 4-5 days a week, for basically room and board, and they are getting ready to move into a bigger house, where I will have my own room on the first floor. But wow, talk about taxing work! She has 4 wonderful boys, whom I love dearly, and I think the world of, but, was it the full moon? This week has been out of control! Hitting, swearing, and just your normal "band of brothers", and "it's all us brothers against you, Grandma Suzy, and we're pretty tough."
And it has done me no favors with my C-PTSD, depression, and anxiety. My daughter's outside my door, crying and worrying and wiping her eyes and sniffling because she's convinced herself that I've got dementia and I don't have long for this world. And that every day, in every way, my dementia keeps getting worse and worse.