Hi 👋🏽 I’m new to the OCD group!
The Kindest Therapist
My current therapist is the best one I’ve ever had and has helped me clear up so much stuff. I’ve had other therapists but this guy has really helped me dig in and put a lot into the past.
At least for me, he permits and encourages texting. One of my last but deeply rooted issues is hoarding disorder. He told me to text him when I spend some time on cleanup, and the weeks that I do take out trash I let him know how many bags I took out. He always responds that he’s pleased or sends me an emoji. I always tell him how much that helps. Sometimes my only motivation is knowing I’ll get a response if I do something.
He is partly retiring, and he told me Monday that he is taking a five-week break first before he starts his reduced hours. He’s traveling out West.
When I got home I texted him asking when the five weeks start and end so I know to not text him. He replied that he wants me to pretend that he is not away and to keep sending him texts when I accomplish something. He was very definite about it. He repeated that he wants to hear from me when I accomplish something and that he will respond when he can.
I feel like the luckiest client alive.
My Joy is gone!
Hi, I struggled everytime wanted to share what I’m going thru in my life journey now. My elder son is in his early 30’s, diagnosed with schizophrenia since he was 24. Taking care of him seems tough cos it affects my emotions every single day. He’s on oral treatment but the disorganization of his thoughts and strange beliefs that’s tormenting him never goes away. I’ve tried many ways to help him be it medical or spiritual, nothing works . He can’t work, stays home but feels lonely ,afraid to go out by himself bcos a voice keep him someone will kill him, sleeps all day , awakes at night , wants me to find him a wife to get married . I’m v tired and exhausted bcos I work 8 hrs a day sleeps only 4hrs everyday. He has ocd, hoarding habits, smokes a lot & loves to buy Lego and other figurines. I don’t know how to manage his moodswing , can’t talk him out of his strange beliefs. I’m v upset with myself for not able to help him . My husband is not helping much too but just pampers him as to please him but complains a lot at his back and blames me many times . My husband and I have different opinions as we aged, relationship is not working well now.
Sorry for writing such long passage and thanks for listening to my grumbles.
#SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #MentalHealth #TheMighty #Depression
The Pandemic caused me to be a hoarder and a slob
My house looks like a slob lives here. I have paperwork all over in every room. Just looking at it hurts my brain. I try and clean it up or organize it but I end up just moving papers in a different spot.
I get into bed at night with trash on my bed. I have to move it all just to make room for myself. I lay there praying to God and asking why? Why did all those people have to die. I cry myself to sleep praying to see my loved ones that were taken since the pandemic started.
I had just gotten my life back after a 14 year battle with co-infections from Lyme disease. I finally was leaving my house, seeing my friends, shopping. I had 9 months of somewhat of a life back then I was forced back into my house. Then in 2020 I got bit again and im back fighting for my life again. New symptoms to deal with. I grieve the life I had before.
What I lost besides loved ones was myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. My first grandson was born during the lock down. I was able to see him 6 feet away 3 days after he was born. It was like I was looking at someone else’s grandchild not mine. I was not aloud to hold him because I can’t get a flu shot. The last one almost killed me.
I found out later everyone was holding him except me. This was so hurtful and my son allowed it to happen. It started to become to painful for me to even go to see him. What was the point if I had to watch from 6 feet away. I still do not feel any connection to my grandson and that is my son’s fault. He is 2 years old now. We aren’t aloud to babysit him or take him anywhere by ourselves but her parents are. I pray to God I’m still alive when and if another grandchild comes.
Funny thing I was aloud to hold my friend’s grandchild with no problem. When I was able to hold my grandson I was in a hazemat suit he was 8 weeks old. No one else had to wear one except me. Now that’s personal. I had 5 friends become grandmothers and they posted it on Facebook no one was wearing a mask or a haze mat suit. I’m not even aloud to show pictures of him to my friends because he’s not old enough to consent to it.
I had to go into therapy because of this behavior which was personal and not due to the virus. At least that is what I was told by my therapist. My heart is still broken and it’s still beating but for what. ?
This is not the way it was supposed to be. This is not the life I wanted or imagined. I am just existing.
I know hoarding crafts that I will never make, jewelry I will never make it has to stop. A lot of stuff I bought most is now expired. Did I throw them away? Nope.
I could keep writing about all I have lost but everyone has lost. So there is no point I guess. I did lose my Mom to the virus watched her die over zoom for 9 weeks. Then I found my best friend, my brother dead in his apartment. I think he was murdered but I can’t prove it. Now I deal with a fractured sternum and PTSD from that.
Hoarding is caused by lost, trauma, stressful life events, a brain dysfunction. I’m not putting anymore labels on myself. I just wish I could stop it. I wish I could afford someone to help me get organized as I no longer can do that. I can’t afford much of anything. I sell things to make money but it’s not enough. I’m too sick for a real 9-5 job. I do have a on line wholesale shopping club with weight loss products but that’s still not enough. I’m worrying myself to death literally.. I need extensive dental work due to lyme. I was scammed out of my savings for that. More loss. It effects me emotionally, physically, mentally.
I’m just rambling now it’s late here and my brain is tired. Im actually getting tired of living because it’s just so damn hard. I’ll write some more later. Thanks for reading this post. Since 2019 I lost 27 friends and family. Isn’t that enough???
#LymeWarrior #PTSD #LivingWithPOTS #PudendalNeuralgia #ChildhoodAbuse
New house I don't think I deserve. This coming from someone who grew up dumpster diving for food, living in the semi my dad drove who later fights the urge to hoard. My dad and me. As soon as we close on the house I want to spend the night by myself to adjust. I usually stay on my bed and don't leave the room due to triggers and anxiety . Going from this I want to go minimalist with my things. I don't know how my wheelchair is going to handle the carpet. I may just sit and spin but I'm hoping not. Nothing is going to be in the house,no power,water,or ac. No help if I need it. I'm excited and terrified but it's a new beginning to the next chapter of my survival. I say survival because that's simply more of what life is for me. I struggle every day with pain and that in turn pushes me towards a depression spiral. I haven't been by myself for over 2 decades. I've tried to be a good mother and a supportive wife. Now I have an empty nest and an irritated husband.(This is my journey though so he can just deal. ) I'm struggling with the hoarding so I thought I could get a feeling for the next step by basking in the nothing of an empty house. It'll give me time to find out what I can live without. If it's unused in the past 6 months it goes... unless it's brought me joy. Not much has except holding my granddaughter. Right now that's all hope because the in laws we're selling the house to got evicted and are living with us. The last time they lived with us both me and my husband tried to end our lives(at different times) so this may just be the beginning of the end one way or another. Stress and boundary issues and constantly being reminded of me being worthless (in such a way you can't say stop without proving them right) We haven't closed on the other house yet but the words "What kinda person do I want to be?And people change." Kept me from saying no they can't move in yet. So far so good after a month. As long as I hide as much as possible I can't get dragged into anything. Sometimes being a good person is risky but I won't change that about myself. I can take her losing it on me if it happens. What I can't take is staying here so as soon as we sign the contract I am running so it stays peaceful between everyone. I can't help it if my choices make anyone feel bad. I can only control how I feel, what I chose is going to be the best option for me.....and being by myself may be all I need. Is my husband going to like this, well no of course not, he's going to feel like I'm running from him no matter how much I tell him I'm not. He's just as much in low self-esteem as I am. But after the first night he can bring a sleeping bag if it helps him. If I don't do this I will never know if I can ever understand being a bit independent. I need that, just once because I have never been in my own place without kids or in laws living with me. One night. I can do that, right?
I finally did it !!
My Cat Cheddar
Do I Have Any Rights Here?
Last night, on my way back from spending the day out, I decided to go to the convenience store. As soon as I'm out of the car, these two jerks start laughing and acting like fools, commenting about how trashy my car is. I told them I have OCD and one of them asked me if I was a hoarder. I tried to explain I wasn't hoarding the trash, but they weren't listening. One of the guys started recording video of my car and even moved close so he could get a good look inside my car. I went into the store, because I couldn't stop them (no one said anything or did anything besides watch), but I was angry and wanted to cry. When I went back out, I didn't see them. I jumped in my car, and drove off as fast as I could. I was really upset. Everybody, look at the freak! Do I have any rights from this when in public?
Prompt: What has too much power over your life?
My answer: Capitalism.
The concept of capital is a threat to my existence. My mindbody does not care about capital gain nor capital loss, nor the economic value tied to a hunk of metal etched with nationalist symbolism.
The word "economics" originally has nothing to do with currency. Economics is the management of our resources, or more directly, our ecological resources. Responsible economics is understanding what resources we need, knowing how to access them, and caring about the impact our resource management is having. Economics under capital has only one goal; Hoarding, of currency, wealth, land, power, and everything they touch.
Capitalism as a lifestyle, as a societal culture, has too much power in my life. I am expected to need things that are useless to me. I am expected to ignore needs that if fulfilled could lift me out of the pit. If I choose to live in ways that are right for me, I am questioned at every turn by every person I encounter.
I am tethered to a sinking ship, but if I were set free I could learn to fly. I don't need anyone to follow me, I just need them to let me go.
Just Learned That I Belong Here
So, hi everyone.
Long-term therapist pooh poohed my attempt to create a family through IVF. Didn't seem concerned by my overspending and subsequent hoarding issue. So I quit therapy.
Then my world fell apart- but that's a story for another day.
Back to my intro. New suburban therapist couldn't handle my issues, said that I needed "higher level of care" so spent months in a PHP/IOP program where I learned about my C-PTSD diagnosis.
Sued former employer. Obtained therapy notes from original therapist and learned that she had diagnosed me as having Avoidant Personality Disorder.
So here I am the anxious depressed person with avoidant personality disorder and a childhood history of complex traumatic stress disorder.
Hopefully I have found my people and you all are my new tribe.