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  • About Hoarding
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    Community Voices

    Prompt: What has too much power over your life?

    My answer: Capitalism.

    The concept of capital is a threat to my existence. My mindbody does not care about capital gain nor capital loss, nor the economic value tied to a hunk of metal etched with nationalist symbolism.

    The word "economics" originally has nothing to do with currency. Economics is the management of our resources, or more directly, our ecological resources. Responsible economics is understanding what resources we need, knowing how to access them, and caring about the impact our resource management is having. Economics under capital has only one goal; Hoarding, of currency, wealth, land, power, and everything they touch.

    Capitalism as a lifestyle, as a societal culture, has too much power in my life. I am expected to need things that are useless to me. I am expected to ignore needs that if fulfilled could lift me out of the pit. If I choose to live in ways that are right for me, I am questioned at every turn by every person I encounter.

    I am tethered to a sinking ship, but if I were set free I could learn to fly. I don't need anyone to follow me, I just need them to let me go.

    #power #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Disability

    13 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Just Learned That I Belong Here

    So, hi everyone.

    Spent 10+ years believing that I was being treated for depression/anxiety. Been medicated since the early 90s.

    Long-term therapist pooh poohed my attempt to create a family through IVF. Didn't seem concerned by my overspending and subsequent hoarding issue. So I quit therapy.

    Then my world fell apart- but that's a story for another day.

    Back to my intro. New suburban therapist couldn't handle my issues, said that I needed "higher level of care" so spent months in a PHP/IOP program where I learned about my C-PTSD diagnosis.

    Sued former employer. Obtained therapy notes from original therapist and learned that she had diagnosed me as having Avoidant Personality Disorder.

    So here I am the anxious depressed person with avoidant personality disorder and a childhood history of complex traumatic stress disorder.

    Hopefully I have found my people and you all are my new tribe.

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    I’m scared. Family caregiver daddy diagnosed with myleoplastic syndrome ( precursor to blood cancer) 10/2017 started 4 consecutive days of chemotherapy every 4 weeks. Momma hospitalized 11/2017 died 12/2017. He was given 3 years it’s been 4. I’m tired, lonely, scared,and grieving. It’s so much more piled on to more I’m overwhelmed and can’t find a starting place. I need help with how to start without ranting, saying to much and I don’t know. My brother & his girlfriend moved in with daddy & me uninvited and without permission a year after momma died. They bullied me, took advantage of us financially, emotionally, mentally,and very much verbally. it has also affected us spiritually. Covid affected us socially and they took advantage of that. Finally physically with me. He went to jail. No contact order issued. They are gone but OMG the hoarding!! Now zero help. Gave dad Covid. He was on hospice but didn’t die 6/2021. We are broke. I can’t tell my daddy, he worked so hard. He’s 84 I will be 57 next month. I’ve needed both knees replacement surgery, bonded my son, only child out of jail to help. Humongous mistake. He’s in the wind. I cannot get any physical help with my daddy unless he goes on hospice. I have checked into every single thing no help available. We make too much money. Too much money but not enough to live on and my car broke yesterday. Post narcissistic abuse? Hell yes. ☮️✌️#Caregiving #Cancer #chemo #COVID #NarcissisticAbuse #frombrother #wornout

    Community Voices

    Some Good News

    Finally a positive victory. I have back and knee pain and another chronic physical illness as well as depression, anxiety, some OCD, and hoarding. But 4 weeks ago I injured my ear. I felt tremendous pressure and I couldn’t hear out of it. Waited 8 days for it to get better on its own, then went to Urgent Care and got antibiotic which did nothing, and after 10 days got an ENT appointment. Was supposed to be in three weeks but they had a cancellation and I got in five days ago. Very scary waiting as my hearing loss was getting worse and the pressured feeling kept building. Went in Monday and they treated it and “fixed” it on the spot. I guess the flip side of having chronic conditions is that when something gets cured it is pure joy and very much appreciated. They even gave me a hearing test, and at 70 I am still in the “normal” range.

    6 people are talking about this

    Psychiatric Hospitalizations: 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Stay

    Most of us dislike the dreaded inpatient hospitalization. It’s because we know we’re at our worst should the time come. Whether we’re back again… or coming as first-timers, I believe it’s worth looking at how we optimize our inpatient stay. If we’re there, we’re stuck. Let’s get all we can out of it, right? I have five ways to make the best of the situation. For brevity’s sake, some of the classic time-tested tips will be omitted. Stuff like the stockpiling of graham crackers or asking for the TV remote as your favorite channel may not be changed for days, did not make the list. Here are five ways to optimize your stay. 1. Real healing happens with other patients. At the hospital, it takes a period of time to warm up to other patients. Their company is usually welcome (not always) because each is in a vulnerable position. Sometimes you can let your guard down with these strangers. It can feel right when one person talks about their life and reasons for being in the hospital. It makes for healing company when patients are willing to share and listen. Sometimes a social circle may get going in the main area. Feel free to listen in. Hear what they’re saying. No one expects you to jump in right away. Listening to others share and support each other can feel attractive. If you feel emotionally safe, you too can be a part of it. It may even be exciting when you feel the healing taking place. Other patients will say they feel something like that, too. 2. Attend all groups during your hospital stay. From my experience, it’s true attending all groups will make your stay shorter. Hopefully, for the right reasons! All the same, it’s never a bad time to learn (or refresh) on coping skills or participate in healthy activities. Going to group helps you connect with other patients, where, as mentioned, the real healing happens. It gets you a little motivated too when you begin making an effort to get better. Some of the activities such as naming emotions, or sharing something you’re proud of are empowering. Since you’re in deep pain, it never hurts to see what’s out there. To see what’s up. Hey, what’s going on in here? I can sit and listen to this. This isn’t so bad. 3. Enjoy doing nothing. The inpatient stay usually insulates us from the pressures of the world. There’s no more going to work, familial responsibilities or distractions. It was us who needed help and now, for better or worse, we’re here faced with the one task of how to get better. The most peaceful moments I’ve had on a psych unit were due to (and this is probably due to all patients consumed in their own struggle) the total lack of judgment. You can often stare at a wall for hours (very relaxing to me!) and not worry about someone coming up to you and asking, “Hey, what’s wrong?” There is zero social pressure. Everyone is entitled to behave however they want to behave as long as it doesn’t negatively affect other patients or caretakers. Remember, you’re not going to see these people again. They’re distracted in their own pain. Really settle in if you feel nervous and don’t worry about the opinions and judgment of others. They really, really, really don’t have time to worry about you. 4. While inpatient, take time to reflect. There’s a lot of time to reflect on the unit. After about five days, you’re likely going to feel settled into the place. For better or worse, this unit might feel like home for now. Usually the lack of stimulus and distraction will facilitate a little reflection. It’s totally OK to think about your life. Questions like: “What am I missing about my treatment I could improve on?” “What situations or behaviors led me to end up on the ward?” “What actions can I take differently once I’m released?” A fair warning, you must be careful about overthinking. Catch yourself if you’re perseverating over one issue too much. If anxiety creeps in, you can often head to the TV room, ask to speak to someone, mess around in the arts and crafts room, lie down or just distract. If I may, I suggest keeping reflection about ideas or actions you can take upon release to improve your situation. A little rationalizing how you got here you’ll find necessary. Just watch for perseverating! 5. Stay connected with friends and family while hospitalized. During a hospital stay, it’s nice to be visited. Seeing a friendly face breaks up the monotony of a hospital stay. It makes us feel warm inside when someone arrives with cookies or pizza. Be sure to offer some to patients you’re in good relations with, too! The caveat is be sure someone visiting is drama-free, baggage-free and possesses good temperament. You absolutely do not want stress visiting you in the hospital. That is something we face when we leave because we have to. This time is about us. The time to get better and meet the realities of the world come once we are discharged.

    Community Voices

    What do you do when you feel like the only person to understand and support you is your therapist? I have parents who love me but are elderly and my mom has early signs of dementia. I have three siblings who tell me mental illness is uncomfortable to talk about and that is why they don’t reply when I reach out. I separated from my husband in May, he told me the day after coming home from a ten day psych hospital stay that I wasn’t “keeping my promises” about doing better. I have seven children, three of whom are adults, two of them stopped speaking to me saying I’m faking for attention. One I’m currently staying with and she understands some yet I don’t want to be her burden. I have three close friends, one whom I cannot easily contact. The other two tend to panic or try to “fix” things, I know their intentions are good and it also isn’t helpful. Then again who wants to hear about my latest breakdown? I feel like a burden because I’m in crisis or struggling so often. I’ve spent the past two days in bed. I didn’t eat until about an hour ago and have been crying non stop for almost the same amount of time. I feel so alone. I’ve emailed my therapist twice today, twice yesterday. He allows that and understands sometimes it’s just to vent as he knows my support circle is small. How do you talk to friends and family? How do you open up to them when you are struggling, especially when to them it’s probably like “Here we go again!”! I hate mental illness! Right now I hate myself too! I hate being so needy and sensitive, so emotional! Just how many times can one person cry on someone’s shoulder before it gets old? I text the crisis text line a lot, I feel like too much. Someone else may need the time I’m taking up. Yet in those moments I truly and overwhelmed and lonely and scared and in pain. I’m always in pain. I had been hoarding pills I don’t take anymore, a backup plan if you will a plan with no specific timing. I told my therapist yesterday as I felt guilty about it, I promised to get rid of at least one bottle of pills. They’re still sitting there on my table at the end of my bed. I couldn’t get out of my bed much less leave the apartment. Now they’re taunting me. Tomorrow’s my daughter’s 15th birthday, I can’t do that to her. I ruined it last year by being on the psych floor and coming home that day. I don’t really want to die, I just don’t want to keep going like this. I don’t want to keep either feeling like a burden or struggling alone. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of struggling and I’m tired of feeling so alone and desperate. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Trauma #Lonliness #nooneunderstands #emotionalpain #SuicidalThoughts #Burden #struggle #tired #CharcotMarieToothDisease #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The definition of Peace #Depression

    All this time I thought it was my failure. Cowardness. But that’s not it. Never been it. It’s curling into a kernel of empty and waiting. Not wanting. Not expecting. Not needing. Not feeling. Just ….. waiting. Not planning. Not hoarding. No pills. No sharp implements. No notes. No ropes. Nothing. Just waiting. Shut down. Inaction. Buddha was right. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety

    Community Voices

    How do you "take care of your own mental health",when your spouse, partner,best friend is triggering all your worse triggers?

    I've have had a very isolating illness this past year. Food, environment, chemicals, just even how people or things smell triggers anaphalactic reactions. During this time, my husband who ,were super happy and inseparable started having serious mental health issues. He started processing severe life long abuse on his own. ( Yes we now both have counselors we talk to) which had triggered very erratic, destructive behaviors and signs of multiple personalities. He is questioning his sexuality ,(which has nothing to do with how I feel about him. I love this person,this soul)
    He was in the hospital a few months back and almost died from sepsis. He just has never been the same person again. Rages, has no concept of time, disappears for hours. Last night took off all night. Our business is a breathe literally away from completely collapsing. He started smoking again,heavily. Carrying blades in his pockets. Not just his knife for work. He is hoarding and spending money we don't have. I can say hi. I love you. I truly care about you and I'm told I don't say it nicely that I am digging at him. He will send me messages during the day and say he misses me ,but avoids me.
    So my illness isolates me and I feel trapped in a place where I don't feel wanted or welcome.
    I'm a chef that can't be around food, no theater and music performing,own a gardening company and can't be around plants and I have a partner that is really not there and angry at me all the time. Everything (except my grandkids)that brought me joy and happiness is gone.
    My counselor keeps telling me take care of you. It's very hard when the floor underneath you feels like it was pulled out.
    Thanks for listening.

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
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