When we think of the word parent, more specifically mothers, what image do you conjure up?
I envision someone who is unconditionally supportive, warm, compassionate, understanding, nurtering, curious, gives a lot of praise, is fun. empathetic, open to new ideas, flexible, have good boundaries, and values their children for who they are and not specifically for what they do. They value their chidlren’s authenticiy and personality.
mothers with OCPD are: detached, cold, rigid, strict, dismissive, abrasive, hard, critical, judgemental, find it hard ot have fun. have little to no empathy, give little praise, and are controlling/domineering. They see the child to be valued only on how successful they are or how much they achieve. The child is a carbon copy, .the next gen of whoever their parents are. Autonomy and independence of the self or self expression is frowned upon.
So often these childre think they’re not good enough and aren’t valued for who they are. The children of said parents often feel like a burden on their parents. They are often subtly told as chidlren, to shut up and go play in the corner, or to go away because ‘mommy’s busy’.
These adult children are then compelled to subconsciously prove theselves in life: i pursuing top level positions in careers ie. CEO, becoming famous in some way and becoming high earners. *Often at the cost to health, relationships, mental welll being, and over-all life satisfaction
The cause of OCPD is a mix of gentics and traumatic environments that the person with OCPD grew up in.
Children who have OCPD parents can relate to these ten things
1. dinner table talk is all about work, work work. How much work they have t odo. What work plans they have. What their coworkers are doing at work. How said coworkers aren’t pulling their weight. Politics, the weather, the eocnomy, technology, and other big mind topics are good and fine too.
But Art? celebrities? pop culture? fashion? creatiivty/imagination? Humanitarian efforts/ eco-consious ideas? that’s so boring.
2. Vacation is like the above. Work may be brought on vacation. Work related stuff like workshops or conferecnes may be part of the vacation journey itsefl. Work mau be the pinnacle of car ride conversaitons. The worries aren’t about flat tires or the price of gas so much as the back to work stress. They worry how much work they’re missing out on, isntead of focussing on enjoying themselves and the people. they’re with.
3.. Rigid ways of doing tasks (things have to be done with certain steps, things have to be folded a certain way, etc). The end goal of just cleaning up or putting things away is lost in the process. They do not like to delegate tasks to others, because they want it done the way they do it. Often they over burden theselves by doing this!
4. hoarding stuff/stocking up on stuff like it’s the year 2000 and everyone thinks everything’s going to shut down completely.
But nothing did and now they have all this stuff and spent all that hard earned money on stuff that will be kept in storage or thrown out…
5.They ‘love’ working
6. Cheap presents for brithday/Christmas. If you want an expensive item, they’ll get you something cheaper. or something you didn’t want If you’re a little older and want a gift card to a store you freqeunt, they’ll give you cash. It’s never what you exactly want, it’s always what they are willing to give.
7. Money is treated like a sacrilige. There’s hardly any quality indulgence. Goods and services are bought for the cheapest price possible. Often
8. Resting or taking time for self care is seen as being ‘lazy’ or ‘unproductive’. People with OCPD view others who don’t do as mcuh as they do in this way.
9. They’re always stressed/anxious because they’re doing so much at once. Children feel like they’re walking on eggshells around these parents. They re waiitng for the other shoe to drop. ‘Just one more thing I have to do!’ is often the motto for these parents. Often these chidlren grow up to have chornic illnesses because their nervous systems are on high alert, jsut waiting or the boiler to break or the car to break down and mom and dad to over react/rage.
10. They’re always unsatfied with the status qou. You have to go higher, aim bigger, do more. There’s no room to be ‘average’. Perfectionism sets in and these adult children are trained to never be satsified with their life. They go to extremes, often times resulting in burn out or chronic illnesses.
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