hopeful

I was listening to this song by Pink and then i realised this is who i want to be, i want to be that person who sees that glimpse of light in the darkness, i want to be happy even in the darkest times. I want to be able to love myself even when noone else does. I still want to stand by myself even when ive made tonnes of mistakes, because , who will be, i can’t?

Here is my favourite verse feom the song, and i hope someone hears it from my perspective;

“You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far”
#Depression #Anxiety #hopeful

Starting my first day at my new job, really excited to see how this helps me grow as a person and show people more hospitality. I go into jobs not worrying too much about how much I am paid, while that is a necessity, but about how well the environment is. Do the managers actually care for their employees and want to help them grow as people? Do the employees love what they do? Are they able to support themselves? Pros and cons? Etc.
Really excited for the future. #hopeful #excited

Today I’m just in a space where I’m able to see the brighter things in my life, and special mention to my bestfriend, I’ve known her for more than 16 years❗️, she’s the one person who understands the real unmasked me, I could call her , tell her I’m not okay and she’d simplify say , I’m listening and I love you🥹, she understands it all, I don’t have to be scared to seem crazy, she just gets me.

I called my two sisters yesterday, they are both not doing too well, but they are positive, these are the two people remaining that have known me for my two complete 26 years❗️ I love them

Everyone else just doesn’t get it, and it’s okay, I just need to focusthe energy that I have forcused on everyone else on me, I deserve that love❗️

I got a rescue cat, he’s incredible♥️, I hope that I can love him better 🥹

I have decided to love myself more, eventually when I have my mask off, i need to love the real me, even when noone else does, I’ve Got Me❗️

I told my boyfriend about my anxiety issues, I don’t think he understands, but he is trying, I greatly appreciate that♥️

I don't have transportation. I rely on my friends to take me out to go to events. But none of my friends are spiritual. And the events I desperately need to attend are spiritual. So I can't go. And this is really upsetting me. My soul hurts and needs nurturing. My faith is so important to me.

So I decided to host a pagan potluck at the park that is right behind my apartment. It's scheduled for August 5th. I posted the link in some pagan groups on Facebook... And asked people to spread the word. I don't know if anyone will attend but all I can do is try. I've got my fingers crossed.

I'm so stressed out that I developed a stress migraine. I have had a really rough day today. I'm on day 4 of a Crohn's flare. And I've got a bad flare up of herpetic whitlow so my hands are really itchy. I've got so much on my mind. I'm going to a convention in September and I have to figure out how I'm getting to the airport on my own. And I need to buy a suitcase. I think maybe I can get by with just a big duffel bag. I dunno. Lots to do next month to get ready.

Tomorrow I have a neurologist appointment to address my migraine frequency. Last month I had 25 days of migraines. I'm stressed out about the appointment because I have to take transportation through my insurance and it's usually late so if I'm late to my appointment they'll cancel it. I'm just hoping I get there on time.

I've also got a flare up of really bad seborrheic dermatitis on my scalp, face, eyebrows, and inside my ears. I will see my dermatologist on Friday. I hope there's something else I can use for it. I've been using ketoconazole shampoo for almost 2 years and it doesn't help at all.

I feel alone. Like I have no friends to turn to. I don't have much in common with them. I'm trying to make new friends in the pagan community. I am also in a few trans Michigan groups but most of the members are trans girls. I need guy friends. I've only got one guy friend and he works 7 days per week. I have seen him once in the last 3 months. I don't really know how to make friends... But I'm trying.

#Faith #Paganism #Depression #Anxiety #Stress #hopeful #CheckInWithMe #tired