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recap of my struggles in general

long story short (very long i suppose), i do not have professional diagnosis , what i have is : i feel always sad , depressed , i feel empty , i dont enjoy anything anymore , ive gone numb . SO i have been bullied all my life for how i look and how i act and im a boy just for context , in middle school i was lonely a lot and i would wtihdraw myself from social media and just be alone in my room all day long , in highschool , i thought i found good friends who understood me with whom i had a lot of fun and memorable moments , at the same time i was bullied a lot , in class group they would make fun of me like i have no feelings , even in real life , so anyways , after that , last year is the year each went in a different path in school per subject , most of my friends were in same class but i was alone , the summer before i started struggling with sensory overload i would hear kids playing with football and screaming outside until i crash out at them aggressively , it was miserbale , yet nothing compared to what happened the year after , when i first got in that highschool year , iwas always alone and i was suppposed to be a top student so i would go home and study because here in my country its reallly hard to just pass let alone have good grades but new things happene , new neighbors , dog barks , construction noise, babies jumping on the top of my room , my room is next to them , i would hear noise and noise until i crash out , and metldown , to the point onetime i screamed so hard my whole body started burning like its on fire , i didnt look much on it first but it just seemed to got worse , one time i went to bathroom and found my body actually red as if it is burning with small many small temporary weird looking pimlples , on the other hand ,iwas feeling lonely alot 9 hours a day at school and none of my "friends" came for me and i was really disappointed and hurt and just felt withdrawn cause i genuinely cared for them and was there during their hardest times ! i was feeling burnt day by day by the noise literally ,it was like hell , i couldnt even study , to the point id go home cover my ears for hours and do nothing until i sleep , also i didnt have earpods at the moment and were not that financially staable right now soi didnt pressure anyone into buying me , it got worse i had bad gradess , i felt as if the only thing that im good at im not even good at it anymore and i would even be colding tears at school if smn comes to talk to me idd even spill some sometimes and i was just never seenn , iwas aalwasy energetic before even when i wasnt ok , id smile laugh joke but this year i was getting more and more withdrawn and quiet to the point im numb like i dont feel, i would have a day at home where i ll either cry , scream , breakdown or sstay still numb devastated after a meltdown , also specifically , the noise was like smth stabbing my brain especially the repetitive noise , i became sensitive to birds and in certain times birds are everywhere anytime , i would just become crazy and scream like smth attacking my nervous sistem everytime a bird makes repetiitve singing noise and next year the big exam that my future only depends on THAT exam , the whole As my entire life dont count , its only that and its in june , in the birds peak time and im still numb , im lonely feeling betreayed by close "friends" and depressed and numb and not enjoying anything and screaming out of anger now anything can irritate me , i forgot when the last time i was truly happy , i just want a calm life not even a happy one, noises everyday , depression sadness , feeeling like smth is wrong with me at school because people avoid me CLEARLY , its all too much , i even thought of hurting myself , im just tired , also when i m in mental breakdwon , i just remmeber all bad things in my life , my loneliness , my insecurities , my failures ,and i just wonder , did i ever deserve this suffering each day more than one year straight? people who traumatized me earlier are living their life , im not assuming theyre fully happy but they doing well , while im finding it hard to just exist and i also just want to disappear

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i need your thoughts on my struggles , i just wanna be heard thats all

long story short (very long i suppose), i do not have professional diagnosis , what i have is : i feel always sad , depressed , i feel empty , i dont enjoy anything anymore , ive gone numb . SO i have been bullied all my life for how i look and how i act and im a boy just for context , in middle school i was lonely a lot and i would wtihdraw myself from social media and just be alone in my room all day long , in highschool , i thought i found good friends who understood me with whom i had a lot of fun and memorable moments , at the same time i was bullied a lot , in class group they would make fun of me like i have no feelings , even in real life , so anyways , after that , last year is the year each went in a different path in school per subject , most of my friends were in same class but i was alone , the summer before i started struggling with sensory overload i would hear kids playing with football and screaming outside until i crash out at them aggressively , it was miserbale , yet nothing compared to what happened the year after , when i first got in that highschool year , iwas always alone and i was suppposed to be a top student so i would go home and study because here in my country its reallly hard to just pass let alone have good grades but new things happene , new neighbors , dog barks , construction noise, babies jumping on the top of my room , my room is next to them , i would hear noise and noise until i crash out , and metldown , to the point onetime i screamed so hard my whole body started burning like its on fire , i didnt look much on it first but it just seemed to got worse , one time i went to bathroom and found my body actually red as if it is burning with small many small temporary weird looking pimlples , on the other hand ,iwas feeling lonely alot 9 hours a day at school and none of my "friends" came for me and i was really disappointed and hurt and just felt withdrawn cause i genuinely cared for them and was there during their hardest times ! i was feeling burnt day by day by the noise literally ,it was like hell , i couldnt even study , to the point id go home cover my ears for hours and do nothing until i sleep , also i didnt have earpods at the moment and were not that financially staable right now soi didnt pressure anyone into buying me , it got worse i had bad gradess , i felt as if the only thing that im good at im not even good at it anymore and i would even be colding tears at school if smn comes to talk to me idd even spill some sometimes and i was just never seenn , iwas aalwasy energetic before even when i wasnt ok , id smile laugh joke but this year i was getting more and more withdrawn and quiet to the point im numb like i dont feel, i would have a day at home where i ll either cry , scream , breakdown or sstay still numb devastated after a meltdown , also specifically , the noise was like smth stabbing my brain especially the repetitive noise , i became sensitive to birds and in certain times birds are everywhere anytime , i would just become crazy and scream like smth attacking my nervous sistem everytime a bird makes repetiitve singing noise and next year the big exam that my future only depends on THAT exam , the whole As my entire life dont count , its only that and its in june , in the birds peak time and im still numb , im lonely feeling betreayed by close "friends" and depressed and numb and not enjoying anything and screaming out of anger now anything can irritate me , i forgot when the last time i was truly happy , i just want a calm life not even a happy one, noises everyday , depression sadness , feeeling like smth is wrong with me at school because people avoid me CLEARLY , its all too much , i even thought of hurting myself , im just tired , also when i m in mental breakdwon , i just remmeber all bad things in my life , my loneliness , my insecurities , my failures ,and i just wonder , did i ever deserve this suffering each day more than one year straight? people who traumatized me earlier are living their life , im not assuming theyre fully happy but they doing well , while im finding it hard to just exist and i also just want to disappear

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Finding the Right Fit, From Inclusion and Beyond: A New Day Program for Jessica after 20 Years.

This is our daughter Jessica's story and the narrative for many adults who require assistance with all daily living skills and have a severe intellectual disability.

Finding the Right Fit

It's bewildering how we lose the dedicated funding and energy invested in including individuals like Jess in public schools once they reach age 21. Typically, opportunities for Jess and her peers in adulthood confine them to self-contained classrooms, with most activities being exclusionary. Finding the right fit after an inclusive public school education is difficult.  

When our daughter, Jessica, was born in 1982, we didn't know she had a diagnosis. She was our teeny first baby. Jess came home from the hospital weighing less than five pounds, yet she was born near her due date. We called her Peanut at the time. We discovered, much later, that Jess had a rare chromosome deletion and was delayed in all her milestones. Our daughter, age 41, cannot care for herself, uses a wheelchair, is non-verbal, and has a severe intellectual disability. Jessica is also the brightest, most joyful star in the room. 

Early Education

 Jessica's early education encompassed numerous schools and classrooms. Federal Early Intervention for Infants and Toddlers was not enacted until 1986. It was still 1982, and we enrolled Jessica in a local infant stimulation program for babies with developmental delays. She transitioned to a special education classroom in a center for children with special needs at age three, and at age five, she went to a school district Board of Cooperative Education (BOCES) program. The program was over 30 minutes from our home, and Jess remained in that program, which moved from district to district until she was twelve.  

Meanwhile, I worked with our local education district, Committee on Special Education (CSE), to include Jessica in our neighborhood middle school. Like the line from the old TV show, "Cheers," we wanted everyone to know her name.   At Jessica's CSE meetings, we planned intensely for her return to the district and entry into middle school. The school prepared to welcome its first student in a wheelchair.

Success

One of the first times I knew this was a success was when I took Jessica to our local food market. Some of her peers were in the store, and instead of getting the "who is that in the wheelchair" glare, we received a warm greeting. The kids approached Jess, called her by name, and said she attends my school. This gesture brought tears to my eyes.  

High school was quickly approaching, and in our and the district's opinion, Jess needed another change as she prepared for graduation and adulthood. Full inclusion in high school would not have the same benefits as in the lower grades. We believed Jess would not get the same opportunities for friendship and socialization in a secondary school math or science classroom.   

Once again, Jess returned to BOCES, but this time, the setting was in our neighborhood school. Her teacher, Leslie (Les), set up a reverse inclusion program whereby interested high school students entered Jessica's classroom and assisted. Jess joined the chorus during high school and participated in other typical activities. She still hums the music scales learned in high school chorus over 20 years ago.

Prom Date!

Jessica's next transition was to an adult day program. At her adult program, we hoped that Jess would feel useful, have friends, laugh, hum familiar tunes, and continue to maintain the goals she achieved in high school and strive to reach new heights.   Adulting in Jessica's world is far different than in public schools. The regulations are less rigorous than in public schools, the staffing requirements are inconsistent, inclusion is non-existent, and the hope for daily experiences in the community has yet to come to fruition.  

WHAT WAS ALL THAT INCLUSION FOR  

Many of Jessica's peers, who have more life skills, are in supportive employment and other inclusive community adventures. Yet, individuals who require more daily assistance often get stuck in exclusionary settings.    Jessica's original adult day program started differently. They explored the community, took field trips, and left the building. We connected with many staff and developed relationships.

A lot changed after Covid, and Jess was out of the program for nearly three years. A few months ago, I visited Jessica in her current classroom, saw the lack of interaction and activity, and knew it was time for a change.

The system is broken. New staff often enthusiastically start their positions, hoping to make a difference in somebody's life. Yet, the red tape and restrictions usually knock them down. This profession requires a significant level of responsibility, yet the wages provided are not commensurate. 

Adult programs require a culture of creativity, respect, collaboration, and encouragement. Our daughter, Jessica, loves meeting new friends, cherishes music, and enjoys outings. A way to incorporate more community activities into a daily program should exist.  

Jess has been in the same day-habilitation program since graduation in 2003. After##@ 20 years, we have decided to transition to a new program.  

We HOPE for the future.#RareDisease #Parenting #Transition #SpecialEducators #SpecialNeeds #dayhab #dayprogram #Disability #IDD #Hope #FamilyAndFriends @amanda-buck @amanda-hvass @amanda-snyder @breecoffey @cherieehlert

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Harrison_SVPP1. I'm here because I am the Sexual Violence Prevention Project Coordinator at The Arc of NJ. Always looking to expand my understanding of the IDD population and their needs!

#MightyTogether

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is listeningandlearning. I'm here because I'm working with caregivers of the IDD community and I thought I could learn more here.

#MightyTogether

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Sad for Present and Future

I have no one to vent these thoughts to, so, I am posting here. I am sad that my daughter’s life is hard and limited. I am sad that my life is hard and limited to being her caregiver. I am, at best, an “okay” caregiver, going from bad to good, then back again. My sleep is irregular because her sleep is irregular. I am sad, afraid, and angry that there are almost no supports & services in this state for adults with IDD. I am sad that she developed Regression which lowered her skills and now is taking meds daily. And with every extra need she has, more doors close for her and me. I often feel there is no hope for her future which is also my future. I feel she is trapped and I am trapped. No hope, Few to no options. How can you focus on today only, when, you have to CREATE the future for your child? No point and no hope. She is between “low functioning” and “middle functioning” and needs help in restroom due to a colon disease plus regression, and meds 4 times a day. Very few options. She is pleasant mostly, so I am grateful for that. Going through motions with little to no progress. Where to turn?

#ParentsOfChildrenWithSpecialNeeds #sad

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Is anyone familiar with Bipolar and Developmental disability? #DownSyndrome

My 32 year old son is exhibiting mood swings that are very concerning. He is unable to verbalize what he is feeling.  Is anyone familiar with bipolar in the IDD community?  His father, aunt and cousin had/have bipolar disorder.

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How do I make the font that I am desperately tr #how do i make the dmdont bigger so i can actually read what i am teying ti use my Dbt ools but they are trapped in my shame and guilt from trying to self soothe after puroosefully trying ti shut idd mt


#MentalHealth