Why do I feel like I have reached my expiration date? Like I never had a plan for my life after college and here I am almost 8 years later. All airhead plan was to graduate high school. I never saw the future. But now here I am with all these responsibilities and all the things that I don’t know how to handle and I don’t know if I was ever supposed to be an adult it just feels like somethings wrong. #Depression #Anxiety #Idontwanttobehereanymore
So here goes. I've suffered from anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts for 20 years. I finally hit rock bottom a couple of months ago and had to white knuckle it to work to keep my car on the road. I have two beautiful daughters that I can't take away their mother. I can't cause them that pain. I was hospitalized and started the right medication instead of my PCP throwing things at me the meds help. A lot. I can get out of bed, I could go back to work , but it's been 2 months since I came out of the hospital and my mind still won't be quiet. I keep wanting to not be here to have some force other than me to take me out so I can have quiet and rest, but not have to do it myself. No one understands that...I'm hoping someone here will. I'm just so tired of fighting my own mind.
#Depression #Anxiety #ImSoTired #Idontwanttobehereanymore
I don’t know if it’s the world fault
or it just me again
maybe it’s the humanity that destroyed
or even all of those together
But something here is really broken...
#Depression #Suicide #axiety #Idontwanttobehereanymore
I’ve come to the heartbreaking realization that nobody cares about me as I do for them. People who say their my friends clearly don’t see our friendship as I do. I’m a friend of convince. I’m good enough to cart kids everywhere and do whatever other favors you may need, but I’m not good enough to actually be included in things. I hate being all alone. I’ve been hit with the heartbreaking reality that I really am not wanted. I have no kids. No boyfriend or husband. I’m tired of being left out of everything. I’ve been trying to see the good but there isn’t any. I have nothing to offer anyone. My friendships are all one sided and I’m only wanted for the things I can do. My “best friend” of 20 years actually said to me that “I’m so lucky to have a friend like Jane(name change), she knows just how to get me out of my funky moods. Oh and you too.” Like gee thanks, i now officially know where I stand with you. The only thing keeping me holding on are those kids. What is so wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? I give my all to my friendships and yet I get nothing in return. I really wish I could just end it all, but that would be too heartbreaking for my mom. So I sit here and I suffer in silence. #lonely #CheckInWithMe #imscared #Idontwanttobehereanymore #idontwanttobealone #idontwanttofeel
This has been a continual thought for the longest time especially after my diagnosis with fibromyalgia. This year has been the worst. I miss my dad terribly, I have lost so many friends, I don’t have a partner, I live alone, I am losing the business I worked so hard to build due to the pain and my depression, my bipolar is getting harder to control and I feel like my life has crashed down around me. I don’t see the point in living anymore. I just don’t see the point? I don’t want to stay in this miserable life anymore with a narcissistic mother and disinterested brother. I wish I was dead. I am tired of crying and being so sad and alone and of people not understanding my illness or grief. What really is there to live for and who would miss me anyway? #iamsosad #Fibromyalgia #BipolarDisorder #Grief #SuicidalThoughts #Whatsthepoint
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