How does one even heal? I've been trying to move forward from the same old issues and new ones as well, and everytime I find myself just slowly suffocating. Honestly, it's just getting harder and harder to do this. How do I get to a state of normalcy? Or peace?
#Idontwanttobemeanymore #idontwanttofeel #CopingTips
I’ve come to the heartbreaking realization that nobody cares about me as I do for them. People who say their my friends clearly don’t see our friendship as I do. I’m a friend of convince. I’m good enough to cart kids everywhere and do whatever other favors you may need, but I’m not good enough to actually be included in things. I hate being all alone. I’ve been hit with the heartbreaking reality that I really am not wanted. I have no kids. No boyfriend or husband. I’m tired of being left out of everything. I’ve been trying to see the good but there isn’t any. I have nothing to offer anyone. My friendships are all one sided and I’m only wanted for the things I can do. My “best friend” of 20 years actually said to me that “I’m so lucky to have a friend like Jane(name change), she knows just how to get me out of my funky moods. Oh and you too.” Like gee thanks, i now officially know where I stand with you. The only thing keeping me holding on are those kids. What is so wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? I give my all to my friendships and yet I get nothing in return. I really wish I could just end it all, but that would be too heartbreaking for my mom. So I sit here and I suffer in silence. #lonely #CheckInWithMe #imscared #Idontwanttobehereanymore #idontwanttobealone #idontwanttofeel
I told myself I would try harder and I have but no one sees it. I know my family doesn't know what I'm thinking but I told them that I was really trying and they may not see it immediately so we talked about why. It's how I talk to myself and put myself down, never leave the house but I have been. I had actual faith in myself for the first time in a long time. It took so long to try, then try again and again but not to give up. Today I feel like giving up. After all day at doctors and pharmacies looking for my medicine in stock somewhere for hours. It started this morning with a call to come in to the doctors office that I may need surgery. I was so upset and shaking all over. So at the end of this day all the courage I had built up is gone. I try to hide my pain and sickness, I rarely say anything. I know my family can see that I'm not well but I tell them I'm fine because I have tried to explain and their actions only hurt more . I think they understand then it's like nothing ever happened #lost #Pain #worry #worthless #Burden #misunderstood #imissme #ChronicIllness #RareDiseases #alwayabadnews #idontwanttofeel
#CheckInWithMe
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