intergenerationaleffects

I recently found out my mother also probably has CPTSD due to years of trauma and abuse, and in retrospect I could see that a lot of her odd behaviors when I was a kid were probably a direct reaction to those traumas (paranoia, nightmares, flashbacks, etc). My relationship with her has become a lot more honest when I found out a little more about what she went through growing up, but I find a part of myself resenting her for the fact that she was emotionally unavailable for me growing up, and furious at her abuser for hurting her for so long. Anyone relate?

Engaging in therapeutic self help can be painful, highly sensitive and make you question yourself. The road to recovery is one which can be messy and unwelcoming. It's important to remember we won't always find things we discover about ourselves easy to accept. Whilst I have willingly turned myself inside out trying to take control and examine my behaviours, whilst I feel like I hate myself more right now...I must be proud of myself and try not to dissociate and hide. I am taking responsibility for myself and I have a purpose, which is to figure this confusion and self doubt out, so that I may actively improve my underlying sense of despair, which so often holds me as a prisoner in my life. Recovery is not by any means a passive process. It has taken me 20 years to figure this out. My journey to recovery in some ways has therefore only just become. I thank all services and supports for keeping me going and alive up to this point. I can't go on any longer living with this. It's either do or die now. I love my children and I cannot leave them. So I must do this!
#Recovery #parentmentalhealth #comorbiddisorders #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #autisticspectrumdisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Trauma #selfhelp #Motivation #mindfullness #despair #SuicidalIdeation #psycotherapy #counselling #selfcare #Brave #intergenerationaleffects #proactive