ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

A lot can be said about me.

I'm talkative, awkward, charming, annoying, honest, offensive, passionate, inappropriate, handsome, unattractive, intelligent, stupid, expressive, confusing, observant, ignorant, forgiving, judgmental, comical, suicidal, outgoing, reclusive, friendly, paranoid, trustworthy, naive, ambitious, indecisive, inspiring and depressing...

No matter what daily issues you may face, I am someone who can and will always care. However, it's not really that special just because I can, or choose to care about people. It doesn't matter what you've done or what kind of person you were. Anyone has it within themselves to be a better person. Everyone is capable of goodwill, kindness and compassion. No life of suffering is required. Minimal effort needed.

Just care.

Pray you never have to know what its like to need someone to talk to, and be surrounded by people who know you well enough... Only to feel as if no one would understand, nothing would help, why bother someone else's otherwise busy or peaceful life only to complicate it with your own foolish problems.

Misery.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#SuicideAttemptSurvivors
#SuicideLossSurvivors
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#CheckInWithMe
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

One of the worst things about mental illness is feeling as if you are on the outside of life looking in.

Not out in the cold, freezing or begging. Looking normal, trying to feel normal, seeing average relationships, and hearing typical conversations of friendship and family. As closely as between thin walls, community volunteer meetings, public events, social media news feeds and silent messages. All close enough to be a part of...

Who am I to belong in any of that?

What should you do? Say hi I'm over here, only to feel incredibly ashamed for attracting attention to yourself like you are a needy person. Or do you remain silent, while even your own family carries on downstairs as if you do not exist, begging you to wonder why you are still here. It is not just between these walls that I feel this experience.

Damned if you do.

Damned if you don't...

Do not congratulate me for being strong, getting thought-provoking mental health articles published nationally, or for not giving up. I have yet to put into words exactly how I feel at moments like this.

The closest is to admit feeling I am on the outside looking in. This should be clue enough for all of society to wake TF up.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#SuicideAttemptSurvivors
#SuicideLossSurvivors
#SuicideIdeation
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#CheckInWithMe
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

…re-discover the music theme of a movie from my childhood that I was very fond of: Flight Of The Navigator.

I was working on some mental health writing while listening to the soundtrack for Avengers Endgame. I trimmed out a 45-second segment from one of the songs, because it kept reminding me of the theme from Flight Of The Navigator. As I continued writing, this music segment helped me compose a large portion of the article.

So, knowing the resourcefulness of what you can find on YouTube, I searched for and found that theme song. To an average person, this kind of reminiscing experience might not seem that much different from any other. However, by having already learned to value the positive and happier things in my life through mindfulness, re-discovering the theme song from Flight Of The Navigator was like an otherworldly experience.

Much stronger than ever before, I feel an almost palpable sense of pure inspiration. I already knew I liked the movie when I was growing up as well as the theme music from it. Yet, from just the emotionally moving music tune, this experience feels as if I am discovering the movie for the first time as a kid.

The value and capability of experiencing life through mindfulness is truly a remarkable treasure I hope someday to share with as many people as I possibly can.

#Mindfulness
#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideAttemptSurvivors
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

Yes indeed I can relate.

Since childhood, I have sharpened my sense of self-awareness. And for all of that time I have been keenly aware of what suffering other people may be going through all around me. Whether from reading material, websites on the internet, television news, social media status updates, personal updates from those I know personally, or even a perfect stranger I happen to pass by when out in public. The awareness can be as individual as a single person or as broad as humanity itself. I can, and at any time do feel other's pain.

One way I know I can handle this sensitivity is from knowing someone who I could clearly tell was unable to handle the same emotional perception. I happen to draw varying amounts of strength from helping and caring about others. This is often to keep from focusing on the negativity in my own life. For over the last decade, I have also embraced my empathic abilities much like having great power comes great responsibility. At no time since has this decision caused my emotional stress to be too great.

I simply see it as 'the right choice' to make versus alternatives such as ignorance or far worse to be hateful. Beyond right and wrong, I also perceive my empathic choice as a defense mechanism to the various forms of bullying and hatred in the world. If I see someone crying my natural reaction is a desire to help them feel better. The example mentioned above, of passing by a perfect stranger when out in public, was in fact an actual encounter from recent memory.

I went out to a local gas station chain to order food for take-out. Before I entered the building, I noticed two younger women to my left. One of them seemed much more distressed. I didn't know either of them. Several minutes later with food in hand, as I left I saw them both still seated where they had been beforehand. This time, the woman who was more distressed was now crying. I tapped my upper chest in a gesture I hoped would convey emotional support for the other woman to have seen.

This was one time and no one I knew or have come to know since. Absolute strangers. Yet, I felt compelled to care. If I'd have known them, you can bet I would've stepped forward to help. With my mental health advocacy, I have treated it the same way. Sure helping inspire either of you helps distract from my, in fact, fairly deep sorrows. However, in more ways than not I also draw strength from being able to help other people.

I am an empathic person not because I have to be. Because I choose to be. And I have been making a difference. Slowly but surely. Don't take my word for it. Within the last year alone, I have been fortunate to have 4 mental health articles published nationally. Advocating while in recovery, facing discrimination while advocating, youth and adult bullying, and most recently goal-oriented suicide prevention.

Worth it.

#MentalHealth
#CheckInWithMe
#CheerMeOn
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

My NAMI article on suicide prevention has finally been published today. Now, after submitting it with TheMighty, we shall see if it gets republished here.  Fingers crossed, Mighty.  You will love this article.  Trust me.  It is guaranteed to make you shed tears as emphatic as empowering fist pumps.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#SuicideAttemptSurvivors
#SuicideLossSurvivors
#SuicideIdeation
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#CheckInWithMe
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

When I admit not having much left in my otherwise normal looking life to keep me here, I should not be regarded as a heathen either. Suicide attempt survivor or not. I am being honest and shouldn't be stigmatized no matter how negative I am. When I reach out it isn't because I want to be a pain in your ass, or look its Jim Irion he's got issues. I won't respond or I'll ignore repeated messages he sends on social media. When I don't reach out it is because I am either paranoid of having offended you, feeling guilty for messaging too much, or doubtful that you want to hear about my otherwise under-achieving life. Despite all this, I still have people insist I talk to someone about my feelings. Well, the problem is I have tried and failed. My needs versus someone's happy-go-lucky life. Stalemate.

I suppose the biggest paradox of all is how I live and breathe while people know 'my signs' yet seem oblivious to my mental health. Numerous times in recent weeks I have contemplated, for only moments, what if I just ended my life right now to see who would actually care. It's a shame I couldn't do a 'George Bailey' from It's A Wonderful Life with Clarence the guardian Angel. I despise how people say they wished they'd seen the signs after a person's suicide. I am as close to another attempt as I could ever hate to be. Yet, people all around me know about my mental health and seem I don't know... blissfully ignorant? As I continue to exist under such extreme emotional stress, I can still be a capable advocate because of who I am.

I am sincere. I am considerate. I am compassionate. I am passionate. I am loving. I am forgiving. I am mindful. I am alive. I am also honest.

So, when I say that suicide prevention needs to be taken more seriously I am literally speaking from fresh, first-hand experience. First-hand as in the mere minutes before posting this.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

"You are not alone" has yet to be helpful, because no matter how identifiable someone is my life situation has still remained relatively unchanged. That does not mean I have been sitting here obsessing over negativity with too much time on my hands. You are not alone is a positive form of honest encouragement to share with someone who may be dealing with challenging mental health symptoms. When I encourage others to believe they are not alone in their struggles, I say it with conviction. I am an honest, tell-it-like-it-is kind of person. I would also rather be realistic so I can tailor my encouragement to each person's needs and make a stronger connection. Even while I struggle to hang onto my own life by a bare thread. What makes my experience with mental health more difficult is with how I blend in so well to even my friends around me.

Typically those with my degree of prolonged depression and advanced anxiety symptoms have poor hygiene. I dress well and when volunteering in the community always present a professional, well-kept appearance. I was also raised to be this way. There are people whose mental health inhibits them from functioning or learning to the point of disability. I have a college degree; a Bachelor's of Arts degree in History with a Criminal Justice minor despite having Autism and ADHD. I come from a middle class background and happen to have a roof over my head still because my parents can afford to. This doesn't make me a spoiled rich kid who is lazy when it comes to making career decisions. My appearance, intelligence, functionality, or economic background should not be the basis of judgments.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

One of the scariest things I could admit right now…
…is just how close I feel to letting go.

Make no mistake about both the honesty and reality of my answer. Yes. I honestly do not feel enough is keeping me here invested in my life. Is this a suicide note? No. I've never written one even though that didn't stop my attempt sixteen years ago. Am I trying to be the center of attention? Only for as long as it takes you to read this. How recent are these feelings? Mere minutes ago. Why haven't I gone to the local Crisis Center? They cannot help. Believe me. I've considered it more than once. But Jim! You must. Or at least talk to someone who can help you get through this moment. I've tried but fewer people have reached out to me or who are capable and willing to listen. Most are rightfully busy with their own lives, their own families, children, pets, and hobbies. Some happen to be overwhelmed with their own mental health issues...

Can you see a pattern beginning to emerge?

There are a lot of contradictory facts about my experience which do not fall within common "norms" for mental health. What will really bake your noodle later on is the fact that I could easily keep going. Allow me to demonstrate. My not wanting to go to the Crisis Center is not from being stubborn or resistant. I am an over-thinking person. Therefore, for me many cognitive behavioral therapies often do not work. I simply defeat the purpose by assessing myself and knowing what I feel would help. When I say that Crisis cannot help I am telling the truth. When someone tells me I am not alone I never really feel comforted. When someone tells me not to give up I struggle now to hang on, because I've already given these issues a chance to be resolved.

Oh you will find someone someday only for it to be twenty years later and no special 'someone' at all. How very discouraging.

What may strike you as remarkable is that I am still here within minutes of saying such negative statements. But I am an advocate for positive mental health awareness. I need to be positive whether for myself or anyone who reads my writing. Smile. Things will be alright. Things will be alright when people stop labeling me like everyone else they see. I love to take different points of view in my writing. So, why not take a page from my own advice. Several times my counselor has asked me how I expect to help people if I actually feel so lost. What would I say to myself as a mental health advocate? There are people all around me. People who can and eventually will listen when I need someone to reach out to. However, during the last two weeks, I have stopped messaging people on social media to test what would happen. Few people have reached out to me...

I am experiencing both the effective and ineffective points of view as a mental health 'consumer'.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

(Excerpt from my “aDvOcate onto others” July 2018 blog series)

As for me...

I firmly believe my mental illness, and the formative experiences of my youth, strengthened my compassionate trait to the point that I can care about and endure more than the average person, or even a suicide attempt survivor, is able to. By also being a very perceptive and expressive individual, I humbly feel I have an important responsibility and a unique opportunity to advocate for this cause.

If I can perceive the nuances of my mental illness and express it effectively, more people can relate to or understand what this is like. They will then be more empowered to seek the professional help needed to improve the quality of their lives, or to encourage their loved ones and fellow members of their community to do the same. Sharing my insight creates a true power to make a lasting positive difference. This is what matters. This is how mental health acceptance can be achieved. Besides, where am I right now?
…

Still here.

I am still fighting the good fight, the right way. Not by oppressing those who are different than me. Not by demeaning others who may be richer or poorer, older or younger than I am. Not by thinking ill of someone because I am afraid of or do not understand them. And not by going out of my way to throw stones in the paths of others who probably already have a difficult life as it is. I do onto others as I would want others to do onto me. By using respect and mindfulness, I seek to target the very core of societal discord. The likes of peer pressure and bullying have gone far beyond high school, on into every part of our society, and have made mental health acceptance difficult to achieve. …

…

Let us both, and with others like us, stand our ground against stigma to help change the world's perception and acceptance of mental health.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#advocate
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated

(Excerpt from my “aDvOcate onto others” July 2018 blog series)

What if you do happen to face stigma while advocating in your own community?

Regardless of anyone who may be considering whether to advocate for mental health awareness, all it takes is having heart and the courage to do the right thing. The most important advice I can give is DO NOT give up. Countless people out there need someone who is strong, outspoken, and capable to be their voice. They fear the risk of social ridicule from their friends, family, coworkers, or worse such as losing their job and being labeled as a threat to society.

There have also been numerous times since starting my website when I haven't had enough motivation to continue writing. The site itself did not catch on, page views kept going down, fellow community volunteers haven't seemed to pay as much attention, or that my mental health is at its most challenging for me right now. I may even be stigmatized within my community too, which hurts and makes advocating here all the more difficult to accomplish. Yet, I haven't given up either and I won't.

You will likely encounter at least one member of your community, or an influential community leader, who will not support your advocacy no matter how admirable you conduct yourself. What do you do? What if the stigma against you targets your sexual orientation, race, gender identity, mental health symptoms, or your political views even if you keep them fairly private?

As long as you respect those around you, remain determined to share your story, continue learning to be identifiable with more people, and persist to volunteer in your community, we as advocates can still succeed. My strength is still enduring as I learn and grow to become a better advocate each day I do this. Why? Because helping to pave the way for others to find their strength, their voice, or the courage to seek out professional help that they need is what matters most. Living with mental illness is possible just as advocating for awareness is too.

#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#advocate
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated