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Stress vs Stressors

Each of us has our own threshold for the stress response. This threshold is the point at which a stressor causes the body to go into hyper- or hypo- arousal.

The stressors themselves might come at work, at home, or on our commute in between. Stressors are everywhere and we all experience them every day.

And the stressors are relatively uniform for all of us.

We all get stuck in traffic.

We all worry about life's obligations.

We all get busy sometimes.

But, as each of us has our own threshold for the stress response, some people are able to take stressors in stride while others experience dysregulation.

At one point in my life, a delay like a traffic jam would send my blood pressure through the roof, create tension in my chest and create the most isolating, pessimistic, and catastrophizing thoughts.

Yet, there were people in the cars around me, stuck in the same traffic, who were content and calm. (I know there were such people, because I asked around and found them.)

So, what's the difference between the person in the car next to me, enjoying the moment of calm, and me, the guy with the vice-like grip on the steering wheel?

Turns out, the difference lies within. That is, it has nothing at all to do with the traffic.

When we believe the situation is overwhelming and, ultimately, unsafe for us, we experience the stress response. This belief often grows from a seemingly innocuous thought like "This traffic is bad" or "I hate traffic."

But when we can consciously attend to the present moment experience, recognizing that we are safe and we avoid labeling the experience as either 'good' or 'bad', we tend to avoid the stress response all together.

And in those times we do experience stress, we recognize it very quickly and are able to regulate our bodies, emotions, and thoughts more efficiently, as we learn, grow, and even heal through the difficult moments of our lives.

#Mindfulness #Stress #stressreduction


Journal , blog, or diary?

I hate waking up because I love the effortlessness of sleep. When morning comes, I have responsibilities. Today I am taking my dad to the doctors. I also need to clean and declutter my house. I have to pay attention to my husband. I have to guide my adult sons with their daily struggles. No one helps me with my mental health. I admit I am constantly playing out scenarios in my mind about my upcoming dreadful day. Often, I am beating myself up for traumatic events in the past. I know I need to practice mindfulness to keep my anxiety, depression and PTSD under control. One good thing happening today is my lunch date with a friend, an ex-coworker, a fellow person of color. I will be grateful for this and every day. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Mindfulness

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How do you cope when you’re super happy and then suddenly a bad thought makes you depressed?

Had a bunch of fun today went to cat shelter to volunteer, went for a super long walk like 1 h or 1h 30 mins kind of. Hung out with a friend at the cat shelter 🐱 and then went to get some yummy Korean type of food at Krunch Chiken or something it’s called. Then went kayaking with my mom and dad even though they fight a lot lol. It was fun and really peaceful with the beautiful nature, I’m usually not this active at all but then suddenly one bad thought 💭 or one little thing kinda snaps you from all of that, I guess cuz im a little stressed out about all the to do things I need to do these few weeks and trying to get on top of it and not procrastinate etc.

But im trying I guess maybe I feel scared like oh im too happy and not anxious or depressed lately and something bad will happen and take it all away, or it’s too good to be true and soon I’ll be worse again. Idk I guess it’s hard you can’t always be happy or calm and it’s ok to accept sad emotions too it’s a balance of it all.

#Nature #Depression #Walk #hike #negativity #Positivity #post #Blog #Curious #Mindfulness #Grattitude #Family #Trying #Recovery

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Tips for emotional eating?

I think I’m developing binge eating disorder or at least for sure emotional eating, I’m pretty overweight for my age but based on my ethnicity and such we are more naturally curvy or plus sized, but regardless for health and trying to slim down or at least be healthier/ more active and eat healthier or less big portions. What are your tips or anything that helps you personally if you struggle with this or even if you don’t any ideas, or anything you have personally looked up online/ learned in therapy etc.

Thanks!! Appreciate it! Super hard to lose weight but I really need to make a change :c before I gain more weight I’m currently 85kg and 5”3 so it’s definitely too high for my frame. Mainly the thighs and also lately my stomach/waist.

#EmotionalEating #eating #BingeEatingDisorder #Mindfulness #Overeating #needtomakeachange #plusiszed #Overweight #Health #Tips #physicalhealth #BodyPositivity #Fitness #loseweight #Motivation #Advice #nutrition

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Blossom Tree 🌸🌸💞💚💚💚😃😊

#Mindfulness #nature #appreciation #picture #anxiety #depression #stressrelief

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When two Borderlines collide

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Emotionalregulation #Rage #Mindfulness

A while ago in January, through a sequence of unusual happenings it seemed that the universe had perfectly aligned me with THE missing puzzle piece of my life. I was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 36, and since then have done extensive research, therapy and other self work techniques so that by knowing and understanding more I would have greater self awareness when it comes to me, my BPD and my interactions with the world. Right, back to the puzzle piece... I'm a member on a what's app group for a night club, someone posted a link to one of his mixes on Mixcloud, so I clicked, and loved what I heard and left a comment. A few days later this guy had figured out where he would find the author of a very erudite and perceptive and knowledgeable comment, he wanted to thank me and tracked me down on the E.S.P. Group. And as it so happened we found our common ground and started chatting daily and incessantly about everything. And as a borderline I'm thinking this is it, my life's at its lowest low, I'm lonely, I've got nothing to lose and I give in and fall for this guy, a DJ, isn't it every girls dream to be with a DJ? What was strange that I now only realise with hindsight was that as enamored as I was with him, he was giving it right back to me. There wasn't any fear that he might not reply, that I'd say the wrong thing... It felt so perfect that I packed my car and drove to the other side of my country because we had decided we had to be together.
At first it was like "Oh it's you, I know you." There was no initial feeling of insecurity, wariness, or even apprehension. This was us, together, and it was a perfect sync. Until slowly little things turned into issues from his side, and were always generally expressed in anger directed towards me. It was something I had done, or not done, or it was my fault that some untoward event happened. And we'd ride these cyclical waves of me being criticised because I had displeased him to an argument where I was inevitably apologising as I always do to avoid an abandonment and back to semi normal amd we'd both idealise each other again. Now knowing what I know about being borderline and how it plays out am at an advantage in this situation... I began to notice a pattern of this kind of "triggered anger storm" directed towards me by devaluation,
having to continually defend myself from false accusations, to being the peacekeeper and making sure nothing fell apart, until he'd eventually say "I'm.sorry, but..." As time has gone by the rage attacks have increased in intensity and frequency. I understand now that I'm dealing with another borderline but this is an undiagnosed borderline. So I'm losing my battle to help him see the pattern in his behaviours. As he's opened up to me it's allowing me to make more and more sense of it, the one minute we're going to get married the next minute it's over and he "doesn't have time for me to make up my mind, I'm perfectly happy being single"
I suppose the reason for my post is that I feel I'm the stable rational logical one experiencing his chaos, yet at the same time questioning my own thoughts and feelings. I just know that I'm not strong enough in any way to keep being the punching bag. Patient I have been with him, understanding and supportive too. But I'm desperately confused because I don't know where the boundaries are, where do I draw the line. When I point out things to him he just laughs and blames my BPD which he knew about before I arrived in this situation. It's a tragedy because he holds the key to my heart in the music (I wanted to study sound engineering, and i can play classical piano, and absolutely love electronic dance music) I want to learn from him and he wants to teach me, (he's even booked me to mix at an event that's coming up), and sometimes we have really deep moments together. But where do I end and where does he begin?
I see all the symptoms, I've experienced the idealisation and devaluation, the bouts of rage, the splitting...... but I feel that it's him in his unawareness of self mind state that is the source of all the drama. The only thing I feel I'm guilty for is not ending it because I can't bear to be alone again. Or perhaps I'm deceiving myself.
Does anyone have any comments or questions or suggestions which might help me sort through my mind. Because my emotions or reactions are not disproportionate to the his insane reactions to his triggers......so I don't believe they're a problem except getting defensive and fear of abandonment. Thank you for reading.

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