If you have a million setbacks, you have a whole lot of experience. Just keep swimming cause the third time isn’t always the charm.
Ugh #HeartCondition problems! My 13 year old is currently in the middle of a #flare up with his #pericarditis and my 8 year of had a bad #nosebleed Friday night so she is now on iron with the hope of not developing #Anemia ! the fun never stops around here!!! we are doing ok though as always we #JustKeepSwimming
Intrusive thoughts.... yuck. They plague my brain...... it’s almost like a broken record some days. I’ve tried just about every strategy there is.
And with just a quick side note**** I am a very well put together person... until.... I get into a relationship. Then I become a hot mess. That’s how BPD works....
I’ve tried to understand that because of the way my brain operates, I will probably forever “chew” on things more than the average person, ruminate, feel intensely, and hover on the edge of good vs bad more than most.... it’s just the way it is. But I try to remind myself not to go back and chew and choke on things that I’ve already spent hours on in my head, to no avail. Again, it’s easier for me to accept that there are lots of things I will never understand, and leave it at that. Done. Moving right along.... #JustKeepSwimming 😂
I closed my eyes and she appeared to me. The girl I used to be.
Dark eyes, red with tear streaked cheeks. Bags that showed all the weight of the
World keeping her up at night. Long sleeves to cover the stories that burned
In her chest, aching to get out. She stood there just beyond the dark. As if she could see
Through every inch of me. The dark hallow hole starting to take form of the space
In my chest where my heart is. Behind my eyes that were beginning to strain
From attempts to hold back the seas. I looked at her wearily, in a way of defeat and fear.
Confused to see her and scared to let myself understand why she was coming into focus.
Closer and closer she got, the darkness following as the light behind me slowly dimmed.
Being engulfed by the deep dark surrounding this figure I thought was so far in my past.
Each step closer to me hurt more. For the young child who was so broken.
For the pain she brought with every inch. My head grew heavy, my will to fight
Grew thin. As she stepped, one foot in front of the other until I could feel the breath of the
Past brushing against my skin. One more step and our oh so similar, yet incredibly
Different souls meshed into one. One last second before I knew, once again the pain had won.
The new month has arrived, and today the new fresh month I had to do a really awkward meeting with a difficult team member who has potential but I just don’t think there heart is in it... and it makes me so sad as I just want everyone to be happy, but I can’t do that when they don’t want to be happy.
I’ve been battling with them for two months now, and it’s interesting because I feel like the most enjoyment they get is actually by draining me... like seeing what they can do to push me further...
However, I am the boss and I need to rise above. In the words of dory “just keep swimming.”
Welcome to level 7 of this crazy world we’re living in, what madness do you have in store for me next!
Just wanted you all to know you’re beautiful!
I forgot to think about this and I want to go back before I forget again.
Easy Goal: Drink water. I'm usually really good about having water with me, I have nalgene bottles that are with me all the time but I'm actually going to make sure to drink the water not just carry it from client to client.
Medium Goal: Eat fruits and veggies. sometimes I just don't have time/energy to cut up veggies or fruit so I eat crap from the closet. this year I will keep veggie/fruit packs on hand for bad days so I can eat better.
Hard Goal: Stop being mean to myself on bad mental health days. I have had a lot of back and forth on my mental health. sometimes I do ok for awhile but when I slip (like having a panic attack at Costco 2 days before Christmas in 2019) I beat myself up, I say I'm disappointed in my brain and I failed when I know it's not always in my control or that if you take away the one hiccup i was doing well. I need to stop comparing myself to before PTSD. I'm not that person anymore and it's not fair to myself to compair how I'm doing to then.
#PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #JustKeepSwimming
"Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank -- but that's not the same thing."
-Joseph Conrad, The Secret Sharer and other stories
and I suppose a follow up quote could be Dory's "just keep swimming"