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Fighting depression and thoughts of guilt and shame (possible trigger warning? I don't know the etiquette for this platform)

A letter to myself:


I can see you struggling right now. You're withdrawn and unsure of yourself.

The spark and confidence I know is in you has dimmed to the faint glow of a firefly somewhere off in the distance. Do you not realize how much of a phoenix you are? So many bad things have happened to you and yet you continually rise from the ashes. Just... don't let yourself burn so hot that you reduce your surroundings to ashes as well while you reform.

I know a few people already got singed the last time. I regret that but I've tried to make my apologies and I'm moving forward. The people who got hurt may be taking some time to heal from you, but don't count them all out. Some of them will return to you in time. Maybe after flaming out on their own, and you'll be there, experienced in regenerating, and a guide to the other side of the flame.

Don't let the darkness consume you once the fire goes out. You're only ash for a moment. There's a whole new life waiting for you.

[Side notes: Focus on who you want to be. You don't always get to choose every aspect of your being, but you can choose and work towards certain things. You can be kinder to yourself and others, find new ways to express yourself, walk away from unhealthy habits, and seek out good influences. Who do you want to be this time, phoenix?]

#Depression #Anxiety #Guilt #Shame #tryingtodobetter #Trying #lettertomyself #Phoenix #ArtTherapy #writingisgoodtherapy #getsomesleep

Photo of a painting I've been working on for a few years off and on (I'm a slow progress creative with ADHD symptoms; I do the best I can). One day I'll finish it. 🤞

Tldr: Art 🎨

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Dear Kait: A letter to my 20-year old self

Dear Kait,
Well, here you are 8 years ago. You’re 20 at this point. You are dealing with the demons inside of you as a result of what happened during childhood. I’m proud of you for going to the psychiatrist. You’ll have to go through many medications to find the right one. Soon, you will meet an amazing therapist. She’ll challenge you but she comes from a first-person experience point of view. Be open to her and you’ll be amazed how much strength you’ll gain.

Please, please, stop self-harming. What they say is true, “The relief you feel is only temporary”. Later down the road your scars will tell your story but it’s not a very kind story. Love yourself.

I’m happy that you are working and going to college at the same time. Take your time and don’t rush yourself. You are starting your career in the medical field whether you know it or not. In the next few years you’ll discover what you really want to do in life.

Ignore the next couple guys that will come into your life. Especially the one that will rip your self-esteem apart. Just wait a little bit longer and you’ll meet a man that is worthy of your time, and most importantly, finds you worthy of all the world has to offer.

#52SmallThings #OneMillionLovelyLetters #lettertomyself #Depression #Healing

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•Letter to Myself•

Sad to think of the investments made in all those who had no interest in my well being could have been opportunities to invest in myself. #lettertomyself


Dear me.

Dear me,
I am sorry that I have treated you so unfairly these last few years.
I’m sorry for constantly sending you to the back of the line, letting others push in-front, before they even reached the queue or knew what they wanted.
I’m sorry that when you were in desperate need of help, hands shaking, head screaming and heart bleeding, I ignored you and trivialised all your struggles and pain and cries for help, as being attention seeking, weak and needy.
I’m sorry that I embraced self-hate and forgot how to like you, let alone love you. That I didn’t allow you to accept or believe in the love others showed and gave you. The love you do deserve, and all compliments given to you in honesty and truth.
Passions, hobbies and interests gone, I’m sorry that I stripped you down and confined you to an existence of nothing more than just numbers shown on packets and scales.
I’m sorry for forcing you to laugh, to yes to the things you wanted to do least. Sometimes all you needed was rest, a shoulder to cry on, and i didn’t give you that.
I’m sorry that I allowed myself to give all, spare time, effort and energy towards helping others, and for then not giving you the same.
I’m sorry that on the nights you cried yourself to sleep, I isolated you, not wanting to feel like burden but ultimately knowing human contact would make you stronger.

Dear me, I’m sorry that I didn’t put you first.

#lettertomyself #Depression #EatingDisorders #Anxiety #AnorexiaNervosa