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Coming Out Twice: Why It’s Different for Bisexual People

By Linda Athanasiadou, bisexual author exploring identity, culture, and belonging

When I first came out as bisexual, I thought I’d crossed the threshold. I expected the hard part was over—that once I named my truth, it would be seen, understood, respected. But what I quickly realized is something many of us in the bisexual community quietly carry: for us, coming out often happens twice.

The first coming out is usually to straight people. To family, colleagues, acquaintances. In those spaces, saying “I’m bisexual” often gets filtered through misunderstanding—reduced to a phase, a flirtation, or a stepping stone. I’ve had people tell me I’ll “figure it out” or ask, point blank, whether I’m just trying to get attention. It’s exhausting, yes. But it’s expected. That part, I was ready for.

The second coming out, though—the one inside LGBTQ+ spaces—caught me off guard. I thought I’d be welcomed. I thought I’d belong. But instead, I felt like I had to prove myself all over again.

That’s the part no one warns you about. And it hurts.

Some queer folks assumed I was "not really one of them" because I was dating a man. Others suggested I’d eventually pick a side. Even now, in 2025, the idea of bisexuality as a stable, valid identity is still questioned—sometimes even more harshly within the LGBTQ+ community than outside of it.

This double-edged invisibility has real consequences. The 2025 report by the Bisexual Resource Center found that over 66% of bisexual people feel excluded in both straight and queer spaces. And research from the UCLA Williams Institute continues to show that bisexual individuals, especially women, report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and intimate partner violence compared to their gay and lesbian peers.

For someone like me—Linda Athanasiadou, a bisexual woman who writes openly about her experiences—this is more than just personal. It’s a constant dance between being seen and being erased. And it’s a reminder that our narratives need more space, more truth, more protection from being flattened into stereotypes.

Coming out twice means explaining, again and again, that bisexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I date. That my place in the Linda Athanasiadou LGBTQ+ story is not conditional. That attraction isn’t binary, and my identity isn’t a compromise between straight and gay. I’ve had to remind even my closest allies that fluidity isn’t fraud. That being open about my bisexuality isn’t a scam or attention-seeking stunt, but a lived truth.

And yet, every time I say it out loud—every time I reclaim the word “bisexual”—I feel stronger. I feel more anchored. More whole. I’ve come to understand that the second coming out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a radical act of self-definition. It’s where I plant my feet and say: I’m here. I’m valid. I’m not going anywhere.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to read my article, Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGBTQ+ Community Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGB... . Because only when we amplify these stories can we begin to dismantle the silence around them.

#lindaathanasiadou #LGBT #LGBTQ #Bisexual

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Coming Out Twice: Why It’s Different for Bisexual People

By Linda Athanasiadou, bisexual author exploring identity, culture, and belonging

When I first came out as bisexual, I thought I’d crossed the threshold. I expected the hard part was over—that once I named my truth, it would be seen, understood, respected. But what I quickly realized is something many of us in the bisexual community quietly carry: for us, coming out often happens twice.

The first coming out is usually to straight people. To family, colleagues, acquaintances. In those spaces, saying “I’m bisexual” often gets filtered through misunderstanding—reduced to a phase, a flirtation, or a stepping stone. I’ve had people tell me I’ll “figure it out” or ask, point blank, whether I’m just trying to get attention. It’s exhausting, yes. But it’s expected. That part, I was ready for.

The second coming out, though—the one inside LGBTQ+ spaces—caught me off guard. I thought I’d be welcomed. I thought I’d belong. But instead, I felt like I had to prove myself all over again.

That’s the part no one warns you about. And it hurts.

Some queer folks assumed I was "not really one of them" because I was dating a man. Others suggested I’d eventually pick a side. Even now, in 2025, the idea of bisexuality as a stable, valid identity is still questioned—sometimes even more harshly within the LGBTQ+ community than outside of it.

This double-edged invisibility has real consequences. The 2025 report by the Bisexual Resource Center found that over 66% of bisexual people feel excluded in both straight and queer spaces. And research from the UCLA Williams Institute continues to show that bisexual individuals, especially women, report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and intimate partner violence compared to their gay and lesbian peers.

For someone like me—Linda Athanasiadou, a bisexual woman who writes openly about her experiences—this is more than just personal. It’s a constant dance between being seen and being erased. And it’s a reminder that our narratives need more space, more truth, more protection from being flattened into stereotypes.

Coming out twice means explaining, again and again, that bisexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I date. That my place in the Linda Athanasiadou LGBTQ+ story is not conditional. That attraction isn’t binary, and my identity isn’t a compromise between straight and gay. I’ve had to remind even my closest allies that fluidity isn’t fraud. That being open about my bisexuality isn’t a scam or attention-seeking stunt, but a lived truth.

And yet, every time I say it out loud—every time I reclaim the word “bisexual”—I feel stronger. I feel more anchored. More whole. I’ve come to understand that the second coming out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a radical act of self-definition. It’s where I plant my feet and say: I’m here. I’m valid. I’m not going anywhere.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to read my article, Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGBTQ+ Community Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGB... . Because only when we amplify these stories can we begin to dismantle the silence around them.

#lindaathanasiadou #LGBT #LGBTQ #Bisexual

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Post

Coming Out Twice: Why It’s Different for Bisexual People

By Linda Athanasiadou, bisexual author exploring identity, culture, and belonging

When I first came out as bisexual, I thought I’d crossed the threshold. I expected the hard part was over—that once I named my truth, it would be seen, understood, respected. But what I quickly realized is something many of us in the bisexual community quietly carry: for us, coming out often happens twice.

The first coming out is usually to straight people. To family, colleagues, acquaintances. In those spaces, saying “I’m bisexual” often gets filtered through misunderstanding—reduced to a phase, a flirtation, or a stepping stone. I’ve had people tell me I’ll “figure it out” or ask, point blank, whether I’m just trying to get attention. It’s exhausting, yes. But it’s expected. That part, I was ready for.

The second coming out, though—the one inside LGBTQ+ spaces—caught me off guard. I thought I’d be welcomed. I thought I’d belong. But instead, I felt like I had to prove myself all over again.

That’s the part no one warns you about. And it hurts.

Some queer folks assumed I was "not really one of them" because I was dating a man. Others suggested I’d eventually pick a side. Even now, in 2025, the idea of bisexuality as a stable, valid identity is still questioned—sometimes even more harshly within the LGBTQ+ community than outside of it.

This double-edged invisibility has real consequences. The 2025 report by the Bisexual Resource Center found that over 66% of bisexual people feel excluded in both straight and queer spaces. And research from the UCLA Williams Institute continues to show that bisexual individuals, especially women, report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and intimate partner violence compared to their gay and lesbian peers.

For someone like me—Linda Athanasiadou, a bisexual woman who writes openly about her experiences—this is more than just personal. It’s a constant dance between being seen and being erased. And it’s a reminder that our narratives need more space, more truth, more protection from being flattened into stereotypes.

Coming out twice means explaining, again and again, that bisexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I date. That my place in the Linda Athanasiadou LGBTQ+ story is not conditional. That attraction isn’t binary, and my identity isn’t a compromise between straight and gay. I’ve had to remind even my closest allies that fluidity isn’t fraud. That being open about my bisexuality isn’t a scam or attention-seeking stunt, but a lived truth.

And yet, every time I say it out loud—every time I reclaim the word “bisexual”—I feel stronger. I feel more anchored. More whole. I’ve come to understand that the second coming out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a radical act of self-definition. It’s where I plant my feet and say: I’m here. I’m valid. I’m not going anywhere.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to read my article, Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGBTQ+ Community Why Bisexuality Is Still Misunderstood — Even Within the LGB... . Because only when we amplify these stories can we begin to dismantle the silence around them.

#lindaathanasiadou #LGBT #LGBTQ #Bisexual

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I'd cry if I wasn't numb

During the nasty conversation I had with my sister she told me my mom is getting sick of our conversations. So I decided I won't reach out to anyone in my family. They don't message me so in essence I'm cutting ties with my family. It's a long time coming. My mom is abusive and transphobic. My sister decided I'll never meet my niece and nephews. She still calls me her "transgender sister".
My new glasses are coming next week! I'm so excited! I haven't had glasses for 5 years so my eyes got bad . Plus I'm dealing with the exotropia. We are hoping the glasses will fix my double vision.
I hate being transgender but it's my truth. I'm trying to live an authentic life. So I'm trying to make peace with my identity.
#Transgender #LGBT #FamilyAndFriends

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I'd cry if I wasn't numb

During the nasty conversation I had with my sister she told me my mom is getting sick of our conversations. So I decided I won't reach out to anyone in my family. They don't message me so in essence I'm cutting ties with my family. It's a long time coming. My mom is abusive and transphobic. My sister decided I'll never meet my niece and nephews. She still calls me her "transgender sister".
My new glasses are coming next week! I'm so excited! I haven't had glasses for 5 years so my eyes got bad . Plus I'm dealing with the exotropia. We are hoping the glasses will fix my double vision.
I hate being transgender but it's my truth. I'm trying to live an authentic life. So I'm trying to make peace with my identity.
#Transgender #LGBT #FamilyAndFriends

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Almost 4 years #LGBTQIA #Comingout #Selfacceptance #Love #Grief #Poetry

About this time 4 years ago, I was in my 3rd residential treatment center in 4 years. I was tired of fighting, fighting both my mind and my body. I didn't want to hurt anymore, and I wasn't going to come home still sick. It was in this setting that I got this weird feeling whenever a particular staff member was around, and I didn't know what was going on, but I wanted to be close to her. I knew that wasn't okay, and I never did anything improper, but it started me on a path of rediscovering who I truly was. On this unexpected side journey, I had to work backwards to figure things out. I was straight(so I thought), coming up on my 30th anniversary, but digging into it, I realized how miserable I had been for most of it. I slept in a separate room, and I considered my husband more of a roommate than a spouse. I have to keep pulling out the weeds and poisonous vines of religious, social, and familial indoctrination, realizing that I got married because it's what good christian girls do. Under the weight of those restrictive binds, I realize that trauma also played a part, teaching me from a very young age that sex=love, and I wanted to be loved so badly. Finally, after intensely working to unbury the door that had kept me trapped for 34 years, I was able to walk free from that prison, reclaiming my authentic self as a lesbian. I faced some harsh push back, especially from my son, who wouldn't let me see my granddaughters for a while. I stayed true to myself though, because I was DONE being who others defined me as, I had to live as myself to love myself. During the process of working through my transformation, I frequently expressed my metamorphosis through poems. I'd like to share one of that's okay, and hope that it touches someone who is walking where I've already been.
I've been a caterpillar, gorged on trauma, religion, and society's lies,
Now I'm wrapped in a chrysalis of self discovery, becoming new.
I'm working on cutting free the thick bonds of my youth,
It's time for me to find what kind of butterfly I'll be.
This work is hard, feelings and beliefs long held,
But I want to become the kind of beauty that I choose.
How I have been fed and shaped no longer guiding my growth,
Turning and writhing, new thoughts allowed in this tightening space.
Soon I'll be bursting free from who I used to believe I was,
And I'll be soaring free from this prison, beautiful colors on fluttering wings.
Living my life through eyes that can clearly see for the first time,
I'll be thriving in my best life, a beautiful creature to behold and cherish.

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Happy Pride Month

June is definitely one of my favorite months of the year. I get to go out and celebrate with other lgbtq people in my community and feel heard. But not by everyone- my relatives have not wished me a happy pride and it’s a significant one. I started testosterone in May. I feel so much more like myself- more confident, more energetic, happier mood wise- I don’t feel the same when I’m off it. Last year, my father brought me pride cupcakes from work and it was a really nice gesture. My sister made me rainbow pancakes. My mother on the other hand, unless I forgot, hasnt really done much during pride for me. She attended an event with me last year which was nice, but refused to take a photo with me with the professional photographer at the event, saying that her “church friends would not approve.” It was my mother who drove me to attempt suicide because she’s never approved of who I am. Everything is always conditional. Regardless, I will remain true to myself- I am Kai and I’m a transgender male and that’s not going to change. #Pride #LGBTQ #Transgender #nonbinary

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Happy Pride Month

June is definitely one of my favorite months of the year. I get to go out and celebrate with other lgbtq people in my community and feel heard. But not by everyone- my relatives have not wished me a happy pride and it’s a significant one. I started testosterone in May. I feel so much more like myself- more confident, more energetic, happier mood wise- I don’t feel the same when I’m off it. Last year, my father brought me pride cupcakes from work and it was a really nice gesture. My sister made me rainbow pancakes. My mother on the other hand, unless I forgot, hasnt really done much during pride for me. She attended an event with me last year which was nice, but refused to take a photo with me with the professional photographer at the event, saying that her “church friends would not approve.” It was my mother who drove me to attempt suicide because she’s never approved of who I am. Everything is always conditional. Regardless, I will remain true to myself- I am Kai and I’m a transgender male and that’s not going to change. #Pride #LGBTQ #Transgender #nonbinary

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