Comingout

Hi everyone, I'm Jax. I've been a member for a while but didn't want to post until I'd worked some things through.

TW: non affirming people and churches of Christian faith
I've known I was Bisexual since my early 20s, but I come from a family with a strong conservative christian faith. I knew were I to tell them, I would not be supported. I had a lot of bigger health issues till I was at least 34. By them I was living full time in a nursing home, a full time wheelie and ostomate for starters.

I was always terrified of telling anyone about my sexuality and how it's affecting my mental health. It's been so hard to keep it all inside. Fast forward to the last year and all the time for self reflection. I knew I couldn't hide completely, because I'm not one to keep things inside. I started by talking to staff where I live. Then a couple of trusted friends who are supportive of out community.

Earlier this week I've found a lovely, welcoming FB group for LGBTQIA+ people of the same faith. That was my first 'win' this week. I finally talked to my closest contact at church who is non affirming but is supportive of me. I am relieved to have made steps forward even if I have to hide this around others.

Apologies for long post.

It hits me really hard in the mornings and now I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, and I am resenting my loved ones. I don’t know what to do. Is there any advice for me? #trans #Trauma #Depression #Anxiety #Comingout #Dysphoria

So Christmas Eve.

Hi. I'm Cass. I'm gay, asian and a woman(ish). I have a few cousins living in the U.K. and we facetimed a while ago. After we got to talking for a few hours now, I (impulsively) decided to come out to them ❗️❗️ They got to asking the whole "you got a boyfriend thing" and I kinda muttered "I don't like boys..." so then my cousin was like,"Oh, so what do you like then?" And we all laughed about it but told them my situation about how it's not safe for me at home and how only my sister knows that I'm gay.

They were super chill with it and I expected they would be since that same cousin literally marched in London Pride (ah, what a dream). Later on, I let my sister take the floor and told them she had a question. Her question was:

"Hets ba ka yo? (translated: Are you guys hets?)"

At first they were confused but it was cleared up (haha!) but get this: BOTH cousins say: "No!" and my other cousin adds on: "We're homos!!" We all about died😂 After finding out we were all gay, they were all so respectful and they totally got it. My older cousin (the one that went to London Pride) asked me what my pronouns were just if they could have changed (she/they now) and even my preferred name! Totally absofrickinlutely warmed my heart.

Usually, Christmas can be triggering because I am forced to spend time with people who caused my trauma or that it's a reminder of all the years I wish I wasn't alive but this year was good. I can't be more thankful that I have such amazing people in my family considering my associations of most of them being not-so-great have almost always been true. But not this time. And I couldn't be more overjoyed. Man, I love those guys.

I hope I can see them again after all those years ago when we were still little kids playing at my lola's (grandmother) house.

Happy Holidays to each and every guy, gal, nonbinary pal out there whatever you celebrate. You deserve the best! Sending hugs from a lonertown cornland in Illinois🌽💖

#Lesbian #LGBT + #Comingout

How do I come out to my parents?
They know some of my friends are lgbtq, and don't have a problem with them being around and support them when they do see them. But as soon as they leave they start bad mouthing them, talking about "how such a sweet boy could throw his life away like that..." Or "doesn't she see what she is doing is wrong?" And that hurts me too... Because upfront they are caring and sweet towards them but behind the scenes they say stuff like that... Not even talking about the rest of my family, who love to play the "they show so many homo couples in TV shows these days, no wonder so many kids 'turn' gay, because it's being forced into our minds..." And then of course everyone joins in on that conversation.

I feel like it is the only thing holding me back from living my perfect life. It feels like a chain holding me down so my wings can't fly...

‘I don’t need a life that’s normal—
thats way too far away
But something...next to normal
would be okay.’

I’m opening up, my names Amber & I recently got diagnosed with bipolar. I’m getting the treatment and help I need to live a normal life. I have a wonderful support system (you know who you are, but you have no idea how much you mean to me). I may have bipolar, but it doesn’t have me. It does not define me, it’s not who I am. It’s just a part of me. Get to know the rest before you judge me.
#nexttonormal #MentalIllness #strong #Comingout

2019: I came out this year. I am dating a wonderful girl who I love dearly. she’s taught me that love doesn’t have to hurt. For years I’ve gone through a string of unhealthy, abusive, toxic relationships. With her, I am free. Free of pain, sadness, and guilt. She tells me how beautiful I am every morning. She tells me I’m adorable when I do something silly and stupid. She loves the person that I am. This relationship is easy, I don’t have to work for her approval. I don’t have to feel guilty for anything. It’s simple, and blissful.

Despite this wonderful love that I have found. I still struggle. I struggle with the scars of my past. The hurt and pain from being talked down to. The scars on my arm from cuts that were made by me because I wasn’t good enough. The struggle of trying to convince my family that this isn’t “just a phase.” This is me. The swirling anxious thoughts in my head that just won’t go away.

It’s funny how you can be so happy, but so sad at the same time.

As of recently, I’ve found myself wondering if I fall on the ace spectrum. All of my teenage years I haven’t been a fan of sex whatsoever. I hate porn and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t masturbate because I don’t find any reason for it. I have a boyfriend and most of the time he tries to get in a mood and I’m just not feeling it. There are times where I am definitely sexually attracted to him, but it’s only him and it doesn’t happen often. My lack of interest in sex has tainted my relationship slightly because my boyfriend loves sex. I love him a lot, but I don’t feel like having sex every other day. I’d rather snuggle and spend quality time with him. I don’t know if I’m grey ace or if I’m just weird. I also don’t feel like I should have to label myself but my lack of interest has got me thinking. #LGBTQ #Ace #question #Asexuality #confused #Comingout

It was an extremely tough decision, but I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. Honestly, I was never physically attracted to him, and we have differences in opinion and personality that just weren’t working. I feel really guilty though, because I know he will get depressed. I will continue to be friends with him after the awkward “we just broke up” feeling ends. But also... I had a crush on someone else, a girl! She is one of my friends, and I always catch myself staring at her. She is beautiful smart and funny. She, my boyfriend and I all have depression so that kinda sucks. I’m scared my mom will disapprove of me coming out as bisexual, because she’s religious and doesn’t believe it’s right. In unrelated news, I’m scared of losing my support system after school ends, or even now just by unintentionally isolating myself. I opened up to my bf about mental illness, and one of my other friends, and now I really want to be open with the girl I like, and also just talk more in general and hang out. I know she’s lesbian so at least I’m not crushing on a straight girl. It’s so hard to have the confidence to enter a relationship with stigma. And it’s hard to have the confidence to enter relationships or friendships when your mind is constantly thinking about everything you did wrong and how worthless you are. I’m so stressed with dance auditions coming up, standardized testing, wanting her to like-like me, being scared of negative reactions of my sexuality, thinking everyone hates me while simultaneously trying so hard to be a likable person. To end on a positive note, I’m still clean from self harm. #Depression #Anxiety #LGBT #Relationships #Comingout