lie

#Lying
#lie #Anxiety #AnxietyDisorders

Is it normat to vomit when you find out somebody is lying?

I was cheated on once. When I found out my lover had been interest in someone else and couldn’t stop hinting to that girl right in front of me. He posted for her to see. The shared the song she suggested. He took her to the place where we had our first date. I cannot stop throwing up everything I ate everytime I think about those horrible actions he did even it’s 2 years since the last time they kept in touch with eachother.

Now things been quited okay between us but everytime I see him shut down the phone screen when I take a glance at it, I vomit. When he hides his laptop from me, I vomit. I know this relationship is not good for me anymore but theres something wrong inside me that will never make it right with any one on Earth not only him. The one that needs healing is me. But I dont know how.

I got an email for a job i contacted them they called and we had an interview i met the owner and his head of HR and we all did the interview i felt like i aced it and i asked almost every question and i answered all of theres. Honestly i feel like i got the job it went so well ill know by wensday, but i didnt tell them i couldnt drive, it didnt sound like i need to because they have a work van that has to bring their equitment to the worksites so i could ride along.

The rest of the day i was riding high thinking next week im gunna have a job i have nothing to worry about but today it suddenly hit me what do i do if i get the job and show up the first day getting a ride from my mom or dad or sisters. I feel like im going to lose the job on the spot or atleast the end of the day. Im feeling like garbage right now like what am i going to do. I feel like i lied to this guy whos only trying to grow his small business and ive already damaged the relationship. A lie of omission the hr woman called and even asked me if i had my own vehicle before the interview and i said i have transportation where ever i need to go which isnt a lie but i know what i did. honestly im hoping they dont call me to give me the job .

#TheDisabledLife #VisuallyImpaired #LegallyBlind #Anxiety #Firstjob #LIESANXIETYTELLSYOU #WhatYouDontSee #Anxiety #lie #failure #FailureToThrive

My first sister she committed suicide
My second sister on verge of marriage breakup and almost separated for a year
My third sister got aborted before her marriage and was cheated by this boyfriend of her
Me myself always been verbally abused by my father, bullied in school time, college friends made me betrayal and put me into disastrously bad image, my professors went silent upon asking for career help, my family members gone unsupportive during my job time when it was hard to push self for work everyday, I wasted all my savings into a rubbish Coaching class which I never wanted to pursue and I am still struggling with my own likes and things which I want to do and not to do, which also includes identifying my sexuality
My Young brother is started going dumb after his 10th grade, suffuled schools in the same year for four times, started pursuing and changing profession one after other soon after completing his graduation and now working for to open businesses
My father is looking for his treatment from one year and planning for surgery which is gonna cost us both my money and his life if it goes fail
My mother is there not able to make any decisions and even not willing to because of all this going through inside the family, she got already operated for three times with major surgeries and now going sick because of touching menopause and old age.
My nephew and my second sisters son is now our responsibility means my father's and mother's and if one of them or both dies then it becomes mine responsibility.
And there my third sister is going to give birth to a baby soon so her first child also comes to our family side with more responsibility.
And here I am still jobless living bullshit life failing myself on purpose day by day seriously on purposefully day by day, avoiding every chance to stand for myself just because these people should be safe and not get any trouble if I leave them and go to work for far. And yet I am not able to cry for any of the things happening around and this cries also goes to my younger brother.
What shit I am into and why I am still waiting for this mess to be clear one day. I am in dead pain and want to yell so much about it. That no fuck you guys I really don't want to join your mess created by you, I have so much going in my own personal life. I wanna go...... Fuck your shit on your own I really don't wanna give damn about it. Fuck u fuck u fuck fuck u everyone I met so far and been with so far . Made my life disastrously bad because of this shitty thought you were imposing upon me.
Story doesn't end here there is money demanding family relatives of our who eyes on us for most Penny and besides they're sexist and child abusive even sexually and ready to make us live like a fool.
I want to avoid this bad journey of my life and start new , just wanted to to cry once and never for it . When I am gonna be out of it and tell everyone that your cruelty didn't killed me also caged my soul. I just want to free.