Lying

My father and I shared a close relationship for 48 years until my mother died. I'm an only child. I had a difficult relationship with my mother due to her aggressive personality and insistence that she was always right. She died 7.0.0.5 years ago and while she was dying and immediately afterwards - unbeknownst to me he established a relationship with a woman who became my mother's best friend while she was dying from pancreatic cancer. He didn't tell me about this new relationship until they had already become committed to each other. My father always had narcissistic tendencies, and his new woman (whom he married a year to the day after my mother's funeral) indulges him in these tendencies to the point where he became insufferable. I haven't seen him in seven years or spoken to him in six. It is on my heart to do something about this, but because I intrinsically knew he was lying in the beginning I couldn't accept this new relationship. Since then I have found out that he has repeatedly lied and defamed my and my wife's character to many people, while trying to contact me maintaining that he doesn't know what he's done wrong.

Is there any point to trying to re-establish contact with my father at this point?

#narcissism #manipulation #Lying

Y’all my mind is already scrambling to form a sentence from the million thoughts going through my brain. THIS is why I’ve turned down offers to write for blogs 😂
Well and cause I’m quite vulgar but ya know 🤷🏼‍♀️
Anyways, I feel as though I have one foot in recovery and one foot in the shit that holds me back. I want to be better for myself, my kids and my husband but at the same time I’m still drawn to my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’ve been trying to quit smoking for like a month now and I fail. Try to not drink but here I am with a beer in my hand. But it’s only when I get triggered that I find myself leaning back into old habits. Like I can’t find ways to cope when my bad triggers are triggered. For example my husband is a manager at a washbay and he comes home to tell me that a girl he used to bang started working for him. That’s not my trigger just wait 😂 This girl he’s had on social media since we met. I’ve asked him at least 100 times if they’ve slept together and he’s always told me no she wasn’t his type. Well the mothefucker let slip that they did in fact used to bang. That hit a nerve. Finding out that I’ve been lied to this whole time. But he’s always been on my ass about guys. Ugh hypocritical. Btw hello my name is Miranda and my husband is a diagnosed narcissist 🤦🏼‍♀️ so go figure.
At this point I’m trying not to be so bitchy but I can’t help but be like “Wtf! Why weren’t you just honest?” There’s a lot of things that play into this shit show. Things I can’t get into because I’ll definitely get enraged.
I have always been an honest/blunt person so lying to me doesn’t make sense. It shows me you don’t have a set of balls to state facts. It’s why my circle is small. Probably cause I got a lot of trust issues too. I’m not sure where I’m heading with all of this but maybe I just needed to vent somewhere where I won’t seem so crazy 😂
So let’s discuss triggers. What sets you off the fucking handle and how do you cope ? Is lying also a trigger of yours? I’m curious so let me know! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #npd #Anxiety #Depression #AdjustmentDisorder #triggers #Lying #coping

Through Pain Management -
I’ve been waiting for a spinal stimulator for 3 years. And the big hold up was because I had to go through everything else that might help first. Nothing worked. Then I aged out of my dad’s insurance and everything was switched to mine and mine alone(disability). So they submitted t,he paperwork this past September.the deadline was until December 21. They dragged their feet and I didn’t get the approval letter until November and I didn’t have an appointment unti December 12th. The doctor said just because it says it was approved doesn’t mean They will pay for it. So they will resubmit it and he will call me either way that week.
I got nothing.
When I went to them this month they said I was denied. I called my insurance and they said they got nothing from them since the first submitted request in September. And they said that once I was approved they would pay 100%. And since I was approved before I would be again, they just have to send in the request.
They also told me to ask to see the denial letter they have, because if they don’t bring it forward, they did lie.
So right now, I’m a little PO!!!!!

There are people in my life that are manipulative and making up lies about me. They live with me but because of the lies and deception. I don’t trust them. Shame that people are like that. Still hurts but can’t help people that are like that. I just want to get away from the. What should I do? #tired #lies

#Lying
#lie #Anxiety #AnxietyDisorders

Is it normat to vomit when you find out somebody is lying?

I was cheated on once. When I found out my lover had been interest in someone else and couldn’t stop hinting to that girl right in front of me. He posted for her to see. The shared the song she suggested. He took her to the place where we had our first date. I cannot stop throwing up everything I ate everytime I think about those horrible actions he did even it’s 2 years since the last time they kept in touch with eachother.

Now things been quited okay between us but everytime I see him shut down the phone screen when I take a glance at it, I vomit. When he hides his laptop from me, I vomit. I know this relationship is not good for me anymore but theres something wrong inside me that will never make it right with any one on Earth not only him. The one that needs healing is me. But I dont know how.

Why is it in the middle of the night I always have these thoughts? I was thinking about how I’m the biggest fake person ever. Not only do I tell “white lies”. I lie about everything and I have no idea how to stop.

I have a group of people I talk to online who think I have a whole life that isn’t real. It’s photoshop and lies. I’m not married. I don’t have my own house. I’m not even dating anyone and my kid and I live with my parent because I’ve never been able to make enough money to live on my own with my kid. I don’t go out on date nights in the park. I sit at home in my room playing animal crossing or sleeping away the depression and feeling ashamed and guilty that I’m not able to be the parent I wish I could be. I sit around the house and watch time move while I do nothing with my life. I don’t have zoom parties with friends. I don’t even have a friend I can text. It’s just me. My kid. My mom. A brother who stays in his room most of the day and his kid and we all live under the same roof.

My life is so meaningless and underwhelming. I’m almost 40 and I’ve accomplished nothing. Not even a high school diploma. I have a ged and no college education. No traveling outside of the state I live in. I’ve never taken a vacation. Never worked more than an hourly job in retail or customer service. No good job with benefits. Ever. No birthday with friends and family. I’ve been alone far longer than I’ve been with someone. Hell I can count the number of people I’ve dated on one hand and I haven’t been on a date in over 6yrs. Maybe even 7yrs by now. It’s a boring useless life. And I’m sure I lie because it’s so pathetic.

I hate that I have to lie just to have “friends”. That I have to photoshop my pictures to make it look like I’m somewhere or with someone I’m not. I wish I could stop lying. But it seems impossible. I’ve lied for as long as I can remember. And I don’t remember much from my childhood. I remember my senior year of high school in bits and pieces. And that’s the earliest memories. My entire childhood is gone. Wiped blank from my mind. And I’ve been carrying some of these lies since then. For almost 20yrs now.

I wish I could be truthful. But I don’t know how to. I don’t even know who I am. How do I even start to figure that out when I can’t remember my own life? How do I separate the 20yr old lies I’ve kept alive this long when I can’t recall what’s fact or fiction?

Today is the first day of the rebuilding of my existence. I was married to the love of my life until a few days ago. I built our relationship on deception and putting things off until they all came crashing down on the marriage. I have lied, cheated, stole, deceived, and mentally abused my wife for over 10 years with my lies. Today is the first day I am heading into a session with a therapist and I am scared, truly scared. For the last six months, I have been on a binge of self-destruction that has caused harm to everyone I loved and cherished in my life. I am 6' tall and used to weigh 165lbs, today I weight 131lbs and need help. This needs to stop or I will be dead before the end of this year at this rate.

I know I lie and have a hard time stopping. I lie about small and big things. I have lost all my friends and some of my family because of it. I created a perspective that I don't know who I am anymore. I am so very sad and depressed, anxiety has me riddled with a state of panic and "fight-or-flight" every minute of every day. I am in such a web of lies that I can not see daylight anymore. Yes, I also suffer from PTSD and severe Depression, yes I have attempted suicide 3 times. I am not suicidal, even though the thoughts travel through my head daily.

I have reached out to family and my former best friend, soon to be ex-wife, to ask if they will permit me to be their friend again. I need to show them I am an honest person. I. need to show myself who I truly am and let the cards fall where they may.

I am asking anyone for advice or if they are on this journey and how it is going.
Thank you for reading.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder sometimes I can’t help but lie in the moment I want to sound like a better version of myself that I would like to exist rather than just being honest about who I am. They can range from very simple mundane lies about cooking a certain meal to full blown memories that I will tell then realize it wasn’t even me who experienced it. Does this happen with anyone else?