Lonliness

I'm severely lonely isolated my doctor's appointment is far
I have one friend he is very very busy, any selution? cause i always fall into isolation since I work from home there is nowhere to go but the gym and I can't afford it right now.
I stay home for continuous 2.
Not connected with My family.
Is there something I can do cause I'm going insane

Hi there,

My name is Theo and I'm currently a freshman in
college. I was born with an extremely rare birth defect called a type three laryngeal
cleft. I had my cleft repaired for the third time
about three months ago; I was in pretty
significant isolation during the summer as I
needed to limit my talking and couldn’t afford to get sick. I was extremely
excited for college, but unfortunately came down with a nasty case of COVID the first week. The repair failed due to coughing and I’ll have to undergo another surgery in early January. I'm
heartbroken and feel totally defeated. Being
isolated for 7 months sounds depressing
and demoralizing. None of my peers have ever
heard of a laryngeal cleft, much less know how to support me. No one I know can relate to having 12 surgeries and the toll that comes with them. So overall, I'm feeling a little lonley, fragile, and cheated. I would love to chat with/hear other peoples' stories! #MightyTogether #LaryngealCleft #RareDisease #Lonliness #BirthDefect

Today…. Today I woke up in pain… Not the mental pain of losing your health…. No the physical pain which then turned on mental and emotional pain…. The baggage…..The remorse…. The regret….
All surgeons happily grab a knife and promise a quality of life beyond the former life you had… When that fails to come to fruition you’re left with regret… Anger…. Sadness…. Deep seeded sadness….
Quality of life, lack of…. But I started out in one piece, not a butchered mess…
Now I have a bag, a permanent ileostomy bag… I accepted this life in hopes of a quality of life…. Now I’ve traded one problem for many many more…. Not even mentioning the sacrifices I make daily… Daily… Every day my life is timed…. A time to eat, a time to drink, a time to travel, time to shower, time to change my bag…. Nothing….. Absolutely nothing is spontaneous or untimed….
I miss having health problems in one piece… At least then I could deal with one problem…. What I wouldn’t do to turn back time…. To undo what has been done… It’s permanent…. No longer a surgical candidate…. They’ve ruined me this time…. Permanently…. I’m mad, I’m sad, I’m tired of trying to live this life…. Life is hard enough…. Then add medical negligence that has ruined your life and any hope you had…. Hope is no more…. There is no more hope… Only a shell of the person I once was, and regret…
Doctors aren’t Gods, they don’t care what they’ve done, they don’t walk in our shoes, the very shoes they’ve ruined…. And once they’ve ruined you, they walk away, they go back to their lives, the ones we pay for when we trust them…. We trust them to do what they say…. When it doesn’t come to happen, they walk away, they don’t need you anymore…. And they’ve ruined your life….
I will take my last breath knowing this surgeon lied…. And then, just like that, after ruining my life, my body, any semblance of normalcy…. They leave you worse off than you ever were before…. And they mow it!

Hi there everyone! What’s everyone doing for Labor Day? Hopefully you all are having a great weekend and are feeling good! Me? Nope! Haha expected tho! I think I caught a summer cold! Heads stuffed and have zero energy …. But feeling better than yesterday! Husband left to go down to pick up our 23 yr old son (he s moving home after college then taking a yr off to get his shit together” (which he s not even attempted to do!) Im walking on eggshells as to see what this new chapter will bring to this already chaotic household! Husband won’t back me up on issues “Son you need to appt for jobs , son you need to help a little around the house “ you get what I mean….. it s all on my shoulders to be the “bad guy” ….. been feeling ok lately …. But afraid all the stress of this will throw me into another downhill spiral (whether it be mentally or physically- I do not want to go into adrenal crisis again!!) well …. That’s all I got for today my people!! Thanks for letting me vent a bit !! Im sure within a week I’ll be back to vent some more! Haha have a great weekend!!

I struggle a lot with this. Knowing the difference between wanting to be with someone because I truly want to and being with someone out of fear of loneliness and/or the fact that they’re showing me the tiniest bit of kindness and/or attention. And I know due to childhood trauma it’s hard for me to distinguish the difference. I just don’t want to hurt anyone else because I think it’s something I want and I later realize that it’s really not. #Depression #Anxiety #Lonliness #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #Childhoodtrauma

I found the post of lonliness depression vs aloneness struck home with me today.. I am well aware of the difference; I can be comfortable alone, but I find myself when I really look into myself I'm lonely now and am filling that lonely feeling with whatever can plug a hole in the dam of my depressive bipolar until another hole or crack happens and I'm reaching for something else. I don't live alone but despite having a sibling older than me and I'm a 52yr old adult so not like I'm a youngster anymore trying to figure out why I feel so bad, or trying to make friends or relationships or connections last.. I'm lonely and tired of always being the person to try and keep friendships or connections going.. I think I find somebody to only realize when I'm no longer useful or able to fake being ok and "happiness is a choice.. just choose to be happy" everyone falls away again.. so I retreat further into myself, and the dark. I get that every day is a new day to claw my way up out, but I don't have the energy anymore. I've been told I'm at the basic end of medications and combinations to try, counseling is always journal, boundaries, tell people what you need. But how do you tell someone who is not there what you need, or worse when you don't even know yourself anymore what you need. Escapism into books, movies, social media only lasts so long, and friends only stick around for so long when they can't fix me or use me to fix the crisis in their world. I'm tired.. I'm isolated, and the small things that shouldn't bother me are now one more pebble that keeps tipping my thoughts to why do I keep fighting to be here. I wish there was a reset, but I can't find it and being around other people has gotten me to the point that I feel like an outsider looking in not really welcome anymore, or I begin to pick up little comments from them that they're looking for a way to extricate themselves from my bleak existence even if I'm faking being ok that day.. I have days where being alone is ok because I know I'm too sensitive, or I compartmentalize where and who I allow to show what part of me, what aspect of personality is acceptable for that person but I can't always control that either. Just another day..

#mental illness
#Bipolar depression
#Lonliness
#Dissociative disorder

Hello all,

Here is my first post in trying to reach out for the first time (online at least)...

I have BPD.

Right now it feels like I’m just plodding through life entirely isolated and unfulfilled. I have zero friends I see or speak to at all. I am entirely alone in life. I have no motivation for anything enjoyable and even if there is the briefest spark of interest I have concentration only enough for a few minutes at a time. It is currently taking me about 2 hours or more each night to get to sleep, if at all. And even then I might only get a couple hours sleep; 6 perhaps on a good day when I need usually around 9 hours just to be able to function.

I have a head full of almost constant thought and emotion overload. I actually managed to list 100+ thoughts I can have in the space of a few minutes and more than 20 emotions I can feel simultaneously. Each day I’m scared of the next; having to live like this and suffer so. I have near constant suicidal ideation and last year ended up in hospital with renal failure after a medication overdose that included a lot of lithium and needed dialysis. I am also recovering from alcoholism and other substance abuse with worsening cravings. I struggle to go out at all due to anxiety and panic, even in places I am familiar with. And there are a lot of triggers for unpleasant thoughts, memories, and cravings.

My new psychiatrist is now pretty sure that my diagnosis is BPD and nothing else. Previously I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, OCD, NPD, major depression, and am still on the waiting list for the Autism Spectrum Disorder team. Having now a formal (and I think finally accurate) diagnosis should hopefully help to steer the support and treatment in the right direction and will mean that I can come off a couple medications that only really cause unpleasant side effects without doing much to treat anything. I am currently on 5 psychotropic medications and a couple others. I suffer severe anxiety and depression and have obsessive-compulsive tendencies and intrusive thoughts.

I do feel fortunate to have the NHS, but it takes a very long time (years) to see anyone at all and get any treatment. I do fortunately now have a support worker I can see regularly at the moment while I await psychology.

I also suffered abuse as a child - mainly emotional and emotional neglect, sometimes physical. I had written most of it off as normal or justified, given my 'rebellious' nature from a young age. But in talking a little more with my siblings last year it turns out things were worse than I remembered and I seem to have blanked out significant instances and periods of time. Having now mentioned it to a couple professionals they think it actually quite severe and significant. It doesn't seem to be as severe as some suffer but was persistent, even till now - I'm 36 next week!

That’s probably enough garbling for now!

Anyone else have similar experiences?

#BPD
#Anxiety
#Depression
#Lonliness
#Abuse

Does anyone get lonely with BPD? I feel like I’ve lost all my friends, partially because I hide away but everyone my age (late twenties - early thirties) is very fickle. I lost a couple of my closest friends last year due to them finding me too ‘hard to handle’ which I found very upsetting. I haven’t seen anyone but my work colleagues and boyfriend for months. Part of me wants to keep myself ‘safe’ and I’m happy I’m my little cocoon but I’m also really aware this feels odd. It seems to be the way I function now. I know deep down though I’m quite damaged by this friend loss. I think there is something wrong with me. It makes me think back to all those times where I grew apart from friends before and I add it up in my head and think, well, the problem clearly is me. Which I know - may or may not be rational. Just wondering if anyone else with BPD felt isolated? Xxx #BPD #Lonliness

I was recently diagnosed agoraphobic. Which I kinda already figured I was. I’m struggling today because my husband had to leave to help his mom take down her tree. We were all invited to go but I just already felt drained and knew I couldn’t make it. But every time my husband says he has to leave… my intrusive thoughts show me all these ways he’s going to get into a car accident and die! My intrusive thoughts are severely messed up. And when he says he loves me before leaving I burst into tears like it’s the last thing he’ll say to me. I want him to go and help his mom and do these things. But when he left I broke down even more so. Everything was spinning, I felt like I couldn’t breathe I was crying so hard. I contemplated hurting myself which I haven’t done in years because of guilt that I have. When I look in the mirror I just see a broken woman who’s hurting her husband because I’m causing so much stress with my meltdowns and codependency. I hate myself.
I’m trying to distract myself with a game right now (animal crossing NH)… It at least got me to stop crying but I still feel like a worthless human being who’s never going to escape this personal hell.
I don’t have any friends either so I can’t really reach out to anyone.

Er beds are full, and I can’t get into a doctor until the end of next month. I need help. We need help. What can he and I do? Please.