Limbo

I’ve been feeling really stuck and in limbo lately. I no longer have the urge or desire to die but I also don’t have much hope and joy in life or the thought of the future either. I just feel like im here, going through the motions. Like, I’m grateful to still be alive and to no longer have the heaviness of suicidal thoughts and death looming over me but im also not particularly happy or joyful to be here, if that makes any sense?
I just wish I knew how to get out of this rut im in. Anyone else ever feel this way? How did you get out of it? #ChronicDepression #Depression #Suicide #Death #Joy #stuck #Limbo #help #alive #Gratitude

I as if nothing is worth it. I wake up each day in a fog, I am exhausted and cannot shake the feeling of hopelessness.

It wasn't always like this, I lost weight, I socialised, I had a boyfriend. Then it went wrong and now I have gained weight, no social life and the boyfriend has long gone.

Nothing feels good anymore, it's as if I am just trudging along until I die. Not that I want to die, that scares the shit out of me and when these thoughts of the end appear they give me fear and sleepless nights.

This grey limbo is suffocating and noone seems to understand. Talking about these things just make people withdraw, or because you mention death they think you're suicidal (I'm not). I feel as if I'm going mad.

#Limbo #Depression #Death #grey #hopeless

So I'm currently signed off work for 2 weeks with depression after struggling for months and having a bit of a mental breakdown at work where I just couldn't stop crying. Usually I'm good at confining that to my home, but it just got too much and my thoughts got so so dark.

I'm currently weaning myself off of one antidepressant (as I'm at the highest dose) to then start on a new one when I go back to the GP a week tomorrow. I also got given beta blockers to take during the transition to make it a bit smoother.

This has been my longest spell of depression. Usually, it lasts a few weeks and I can help myself and know what I need to do e.g. Some me time, visit family and friends, see the GP if needed. But this time, it's been almost 5 months and the darkness is becoming stronger. Nothing seems to be shaking this. This is my second spell of being signed off work since the beginning of the year. I'm on a waiting list to see a psychologist but the waiting list is 6 months long. So right now I feel like I'm in limbo. Just waiting. Trying not to succumb to the weight of the dark thoughts and sadness.

The good news is, I live with my boyfriend who is amazing and very understanding and supportive. It's just a shame that when you feel this low you feel so alone no matter who is around you.

Not wanting to live but not wanting to die is the worst place to be. You feel trapped and alone.

BUT I will get passed this. It feel impossible just now and the thought of going through this for the rest of my life is soul destroying. BUT it will get better. It has to. I want to get married to my loving boyfriend. I want to have kids. I want to see my sister do well in life. I want to see my best friend continue to be so happy and in love with her man. It will get better.
#CheckInWithMe #itwillgetbetter #Depression #Anxiety