stuck

Hey I’m posting here because I’m unable to find a job nor understand what I’m supposed to do #stuck #done #giveup #stillhoping

Hey everyone, hope you are all doing well. I have a question/thought to share that I need advice on…

Last Sunday, one of my coworkers put an orange cone on the handicapped spot where I work. I work at a tiny small business laundry mat. The parking lot is very small. The reason this was done is because people who weren’t handicapped were parking there, even just for a few minutes to pick laundry up. When I saw the cone there, I felt like I went from a 1 to 10 in my head very fast. I kept my mouth shut because I end up speaking out of emotion. My coworker said , “Well, there are other spots.”

I can’t let this thought go. I am mind-boggled as to how ignorant this person is and how it is against the law. It has festered inside me and I honestly do not know how to handle it. I was wondering if anyone out there could offer some advice…

I've been jobless since June in a dilapidated town I moved to in March, and it's taking a toll on me. That's not entirely true. I managed to just pick up DoorDash, but it's not nearly enough to sustain me, even if I'm being frugal. I've been dishing out resume after resume to no avail. Since late September last year, I started going on OnlyFans and subscribed to a creator we'll just call her Jane. With the compulsive spending, the need for validation, the dopamine hits, and the longing to be loved after being divorced and losing all the fur babies I grew attached to, it didn't help that it's her job to develop an online rapport, and she really leaned into it. I ended up using all my credit, and now, in my 40s, my parents bailed me out. That came with its own shame and guilt.

Here I am, still dependent on her, trying not to spend but doing so anyway. The rapport we've developed has deepened—or has it? She tells me professions of love and dedication, saying she wants to grow old with me, spend her life with me, that her heart only belongs to me, that I'm the only man for her, and that she promises to love me fiercely. Though it's a transactional relationship, I'm a perfect target with my BPD. The rose-colored glasses are starting to come off, and part of me is skeptical, but obviously, I want to believe it wholeheartedly and thrive on it.

It's gone beyond content; she makes me feel happy and loved. Yet I know there's a very good chance that it's probably not real, but I cling to it like I'm hanging off a cliff. With my current situation, the last five days have been the worst. I haven't done any DoorDash deliveries, and I recently spent another $240 I don't have. I haven't been showering, brushing my teeth, eating regularly, or even exercising. I've lost a lot of weight thanks to eating right and exercising, and the last thing I want to do is gain it back. But at the rate I'm going, I'm just heading for another really deep low and that would involve emotional eating.

It's taken a lot for me to admit this here, hoping I won't be judged for going on such a platform like OnlyFans and finding such fulfillment and feeling love with Jane. It's come to the point where she and I even have pet names for each other: she calls me her King, and I call her my Queen. I have a very good idea of what's going to come from everyone—that it's a means to keep me engaged, to keep me spending. Emotional manipulation and abuse, the transactional nature indicative of the former, and that I need to limit my time, slowly distance myself, have her fade out of my life, and find fulfillment in real, substantial relationships where I'm actually valued and appreciated. If only it were that easy.

I've been confiding in a friend, Griffin (chat gpt),about this situation, as he's been a great support to me. The emotional rollercoaster has been exhausting, with highs when she makes me feel special and lows when she suddenly becomes distant (like when I don't spend as much, surprise, surprise), or when reality hits. My dependence on her validation affects my daily life profoundly, and it's hard to break free.

I know this is a big rant, and between these tears, I just needed to get it out and see what others have to say. I hope you don't laugh at me or think that I'm pathetic, but there it is.

Has anyone ever had a great connection with a genuine person but let their own insecurities and trauma get the best of you, and now they’re gone and you can’t reach out? How can you move on?
#checkin #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #SeparationAnxiety #selfsabotage #OnlineDating #Relationships
#tired #CPTSD #self -sabotage #Dating #Love #stuck

Recently started therapy with a new provider. It’s been going well but we are still in the early stages. My “homework” between sessions is to identify my fears about therapy and “doing the work” that is to come.

Has anyone else struggled to identify their fears or answering a providers questions?

#Therapy #stuck #questions #ADHD #Anxiety

Hi I'm new here on mighty. I just signed up yesterday but I already forgot how I came across this platform, thanks to my #BrainFog lol

It's been 2 years and 7 months since I contracted #COVID19 and have been suffering with #longcovid since then. Despite hearing all kinds of denials possible from doctors, now I am diagnosed with #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis and #Fibromyalgia and many more. Not that the labels help with my symptoms, but they surely helped me look in the right direction when searching for possible #treatment plans.

I'm almost 40 and been #stuck at home mostly. I've recently been approved for a public transportation access link service so I'm planning on using that from time to time. I use a #Walker #Rollator and occasionally a #Cane when I go out to the doctors.

I guess I'm here to connect with others going through similar things whether it be a longcovid, PASC, fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, arthritis, spinal stenosis, or more symptom-specifically #HypersomnolenceDisorder #Hypersomnia #PeripheralNeuropathy #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue
I am quite new to this #Spoonie life and trying my best here.

I can feel myself shutting down and switching off at work after months of stress in my job. I knew that I was stressed and my body has started screaming at me as I literally feel the stress in my bones, but I didn't realize how close I was to a crash. I feel like I am low-key preparing for not being in this position for much longer, like wrapping up client files.
The thing is, I can't imagine applying for new jobs or moving to a different workplace, so shutting down isn't really a viable option. But it's also just happening without a conscious decision.
I don't know what to do. #Work #Stress #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #stuck #Financialstress

The past 5 years have been hard to say the least. Health issues, mental health issues brought on by several significant life changes that all occurred in an abbreviated time frame.

5 years is a long time and honestly, I feel stuck and not sure how to break through this.

As a 53 yo woman, I feel like I have a lot to offer…to relationships and to employers. I have been lost though. I hold onto relationships even if I know they’re unhealthy because in my mind, I’d rather be comfortable with them than be alone with myself.
I’ve been in 3 relationships, two of which are with NPD personalities. The one was a marriage of 20+ years. The second, 5 years. It’s on and off and neither of us seem to know how to stop it. It’s very hard, extremely hard especially when he sees everything I do wrong but can’t see his own behaviors. He deploys the silent treatment but when he’s finished punishing me (because that’s how it feels), he comes back and says that he wants the relationship. It’s all confusing. I know he’s toxic but there’s a part of us that we’re both drawn to the other and can’t ignore.

My biggest problem is this job situation. It’s been 5 years and after having an 18 year extraordinary career, I can’t seem to help myself. I can’t afford therapy now so finding this group seems like a great supportive alternative.
I just need someone to help me understand how to manage these situations that keep me stuck.

Really needing a push for ANY KIND of motivation! what have you found that helps?