The past 5 years have been hard to say the least. Health issues, mental health issues brought on by several significant life changes that all occurred in an abbreviated time frame.
5 years is a long time and honestly, I feel stuck and not sure how to break through this.
As a 53 yo woman, I feel like I have a lot to offer…to relationships and to employers. I have been lost though. I hold onto relationships even if I know they’re unhealthy because in my mind, I’d rather be comfortable with them than be alone with myself.
I’ve been in 3 relationships, two of which are with NPD personalities. The one was a marriage of 20+ years. The second, 5 years. It’s on and off and neither of us seem to know how to stop it. It’s very hard, extremely hard especially when he sees everything I do wrong but can’t see his own behaviors. He deploys the silent treatment but when he’s finished punishing me (because that’s how it feels), he comes back and says that he wants the relationship. It’s all confusing. I know he’s toxic but there’s a part of us that we’re both drawn to the other and can’t ignore.
My biggest problem is this job situation. It’s been 5 years and after having an 18 year extraordinary career, I can’t seem to help myself. I can’t afford therapy now so finding this group seems like a great supportive alternative.
I just need someone to help me understand how to manage these situations that keep me stuck.