I'm too lonely today. I'm tired of fighting for disability, I'm tired of doctors who can't help me because of lack of knowledge, I'm tired of fatigue, pain, isolation and I'm tired that my wheelchair is too small for me and I'm tired of living. #EDS #AutonomicDysfunction #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Autism #ADHD
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6 comments
Hi, my name is Fanny369. I'm here because I feel very lonely, I have been through alot in my life and have survived many storms. It’s been really hard for me to make friends.
#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Grief #PTSD #ADHD
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6 comments
Pauley is burnt out from everything. I feel awful about it but I keep reminding myself this is what she signed up for when she decided to be my caregiver. On my bad days I need a steady supply of coffee and juice. I've been asking her for juice and she says yeah and then 2 hours later I finally go make it myself cuz clearly she can't handle it. I feel like I'm just asking for too much. she gave me a laundry list of her tasks and honestly most of it was stuff you already do for your partner in a relationship. And then she said I don't do enough in the relationship. I'm the only one trying to find events for us to have enrichment. I've got 2 apps for events that I search for weekend stuff. It's difficult for me to stand in the kitchen for more than 10 minutes.
The way my health problems ramped up so bad this past year is shocking. I was afraid she would think it was a lie to get out of chores. But the X-rays of my hips told the truth. Bone on bone. And the bone spurs got worse. I'm gonna have an MRI in about 12 days. The doctor suspects more damage than what showed up on the X-ray. We also need to see the full extent of my lumbar post surgery. The pain is unbearable. My meds only work about one third of the time. I spend a good amount of time crying in bed so Pauley doesn't see it. She knows it got bad. She knows I'm struggling to manage my bad days. But she has no concept of chronic pain.
It's gotten bad enough that I require mobility aid. I've got my brand new rollater and I love it. I also have a bench in the shower. After 4 minutes of standing in place, my lumbar gives out and either I sit down or I fall down.
I'm exhausted and feel drained. Pauley is going to the office for work in 10 minutes. We had a little argument tonight and I need space and time to process it.
She just left, transportation just got here. It's gonna be a lonely night.
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3 comments
Being quiet and shy has impacted me in more ways than I can count. It’s been a heavy silence that no one really sees, and a loneliness that stretches long and deep. I’ve always had a hard time forming new relationships. It feels awkward most of the time, stumbling over invisible words.
For most of my life, I’ve struggled with communication. I don’t always know what to say, or how to say it. Sometimes I get so nervous that I just laugh, even when nothings funny. Or I’ll say “thank you” when someone asks me a basic question. Because I panic and suddenly forget how conversations work. It makes me feel awkward, small, and like I’m always behind.
And if I’m being honest, this quietness—this deep, tender part of me—has made me feel painfully lonely at times.
The Loneliness of Being Quiet
Because I’m quiet, people often assume I’m okay. But I’ve spent a lot of time suffering in silence. I’ve held back tears in public places. I’ve smile through anxiety. I’ve kept so much inside, out of fear that if I spoke up, I’d be judged.
Even now, even knowing what I know—about my ADHD, my autism, my anxiety—it’s still hard. It explains things, yes. But it doesn’t make the loneliness disappear. It doesn’t stop the ache of wanting connection but not knowing how to reach for it. It doesn’t take away the fear that maybe I’ll always be alone.
There are days I quietly wonder if I’ll ever find someone who truly understands me. Sometimes I worry that being this quiet, this reserved, means that I’ll always feel like an outsider. That I’ll stay single, not because I want to be, but because I don’t know how to “put myself out there” in the way people expect. It’s a fear that I carry, and one that hurts more than I like to admit.
But My Voice Was Always There
But the thing is, I have a voice. Even when I thought it was buried under years of silence and self-doubt, it was there.
Lately, I’ve been trying to speak up more, and stand taller in my own skin. I’m learning to say what I need. I’m learning to set boundaries. I’m learning to share parts of myself even if my voice shakes. Even if I still laugh when I’m nervous. It’s scary, but also freeing. And quite frankly, I’m very proud of myself for trying.
Power Isn’t Always Loud
For so long, I thought I had to be louder to matter. I thought that I had to be more outgoing, more extroverted, or more…something. But I don’t believe that anymore.
I might never be the loudest person in the room, but that doesn’t mean I’m not powerful. There’s strength and courage in showing up, even when you feel invisible. And in speaking, finally, after years of holding everything in.
I’m not silencing myself anymore. I’m letting my voice rise, bravely, and on my own terms. And maybe, just maybe, the quietest voices carry the loudest truths.
“Our silence is not weakness; it is the soil from which our voices grow.”
Unknown
#MentalHealth #ADHD #Autism #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Anxiety
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2 comments
I lost my 4-year-old son in October 2014. Four years later, on Halloween 2020, I lost my second son, my 20-year-old, due to kidney failure. The pain of losing both of my boys has shaped a grief that is heavy, deep, and often overwhelming.
This kind of grief isn’t something you can easily explain or understand unless you’ve lived it. It’s called complex grief, when the sorrow doesn’t ease with time but instead stays intense, tangled with feelings of disbelief, anger, guilt, and loneliness.
There are days when the loss feels unbearable, when simple tasks become mountains, and when the world seems to move on while you feel frozen in time. I still find myself longing to hear their voices, to hold them close, to have just one more moment.
Complex grief shows up in many ways, deep sadness, difficulty accepting reality, struggles with memory or motivation, and the isolating feeling that others don’t quite understand your pain.
If you’re going through something similar, please know this:
You are not alone.
Your pain is real and valid.
It’s okay to ask for support and take the time you need to heal.
There is hope, even if it’s hard to see right now.
Losing my sons has forever changed me, but I hold onto their memories and the love that never fades. To anyone else walking this painful path, I see you, I hear you, and I’m holding space for your grief too.
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1 comment
Hi, my name is tazwinchester. I'm here because I'm lonely and disabled haha ,I have Neurofibromatosis type 1 which can't be selected on here unfortunately...here to meet some like minded people and see what happens
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5 comments
long story short (very long i suppose), i do not have professional diagnosis , what i have is : i feel always sad , depressed , i feel empty , i dont enjoy anything anymore , ive gone numb . SO i have been bullied all my life for how i look and how i act and im a boy just for context , in middle school i was lonely a lot and i would wtihdraw myself from social media and just be alone in my room all day long , in highschool , i thought i found good friends who understood me with whom i had a lot of fun and memorable moments , at the same time i was bullied a lot , in class group they would make fun of me like i have no feelings , even in real life , so anyways , after that , last year is the year each went in a different path in school per subject , most of my friends were in same class but i was alone , the summer before i started struggling with sensory overload i would hear kids playing with football and screaming outside until i crash out at them aggressively , it was miserbale , yet nothing compared to what happened the year after , when i first got in that highschool year , iwas always alone and i was suppposed to be a top student so i would go home and study because here in my country its reallly hard to just pass let alone have good grades but new things happene , new neighbors , dog barks , construction noise, babies jumping on the top of my room , my room is next to them , i would hear noise and noise until i crash out , and metldown , to the point onetime i screamed so hard my whole body started burning like its on fire , i didnt look much on it first but it just seemed to got worse , one time i went to bathroom and found my body actually red as if it is burning with small many small temporary weird looking pimlples , on the other hand ,iwas feeling lonely alot 9 hours a day at school and none of my "friends" came for me and i was really disappointed and hurt and just felt withdrawn cause i genuinely cared for them and was there during their hardest times ! i was feeling burnt day by day by the noise literally ,it was like hell , i couldnt even study , to the point id go home cover my ears for hours and do nothing until i sleep , also i didnt have earpods at the moment and were not that financially staable right now soi didnt pressure anyone into buying me , it got worse i had bad gradess , i felt as if the only thing that im good at im not even good at it anymore and i would even be colding tears at school if smn comes to talk to me idd even spill some sometimes and i was just never seenn , iwas aalwasy energetic before even when i wasnt ok , id smile laugh joke but this year i was getting more and more withdrawn and quiet to the point im numb like i dont feel, i would have a day at home where i ll either cry , scream , breakdown or sstay still numb devastated after a meltdown , also specifically , the noise was like smth stabbing my brain especially the repetitive noise , i became sensitive to birds and in certain times birds are everywhere anytime , i would just become crazy and scream like smth attacking my nervous sistem everytime a bird makes repetiitve singing noise and next year the big exam that my future only depends on THAT exam , the whole As my entire life dont count , its only that and its in june , in the birds peak time and im still numb , im lonely feeling betreayed by close "friends" and depressed and numb and not enjoying anything and screaming out of anger now anything can irritate me , i forgot when the last time i was truly happy , i just want a calm life not even a happy one, noises everyday , depression sadness , feeeling like smth is wrong with me at school because people avoid me CLEARLY , its all too much , i even thought of hurting myself , im just tired , also when i m in mental breakdwon , i just remmeber all bad things in my life , my loneliness , my insecurities , my failures ,and i just wonder , did i ever deserve this suffering each day more than one year straight? people who traumatized me earlier are living their life , im not assuming theyre fully happy but they doing well , while im finding it hard to just exist and i also just want to disappear
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3 comments
long story short (very long i suppose), i do not have professional diagnosis , what i have is : i feel always sad , depressed , i feel empty , i dont enjoy anything anymore , ive gone numb . SO i have been bullied all my life for how i look and how i act and im a boy just for context , in middle school i was lonely a lot and i would wtihdraw myself from social media and just be alone in my room all day long , in highschool , i thought i found good friends who understood me with whom i had a lot of fun and memorable moments , at the same time i was bullied a lot , in class group they would make fun of me like i have no feelings , even in real life , so anyways , after that , last year is the year each went in a different path in school per subject , most of my friends were in same class but i was alone , the summer before i started struggling with sensory overload i would hear kids playing with football and screaming outside until i crash out at them aggressively , it was miserbale , yet nothing compared to what happened the year after , when i first got in that highschool year , iwas always alone and i was suppposed to be a top student so i would go home and study because here in my country its reallly hard to just pass let alone have good grades but new things happene , new neighbors , dog barks , construction noise, babies jumping on the top of my room , my room is next to them , i would hear noise and noise until i crash out , and metldown , to the point onetime i screamed so hard my whole body started burning like its on fire , i didnt look much on it first but it just seemed to got worse , one time i went to bathroom and found my body actually red as if it is burning with small many small temporary weird looking pimlples , on the other hand ,iwas feeling lonely alot 9 hours a day at school and none of my "friends" came for me and i was really disappointed and hurt and just felt withdrawn cause i genuinely cared for them and was there during their hardest times ! i was feeling burnt day by day by the noise literally ,it was like hell , i couldnt even study , to the point id go home cover my ears for hours and do nothing until i sleep , also i didnt have earpods at the moment and were not that financially staable right now soi didnt pressure anyone into buying me , it got worse i had bad gradess , i felt as if the only thing that im good at im not even good at it anymore and i would even be colding tears at school if smn comes to talk to me idd even spill some sometimes and i was just never seenn , iwas aalwasy energetic before even when i wasnt ok , id smile laugh joke but this year i was getting more and more withdrawn and quiet to the point im numb like i dont feel, i would have a day at home where i ll either cry , scream , breakdown or sstay still numb devastated after a meltdown , also specifically , the noise was like smth stabbing my brain especially the repetitive noise , i became sensitive to birds and in certain times birds are everywhere anytime , i would just become crazy and scream like smth attacking my nervous sistem everytime a bird makes repetiitve singing noise and next year the big exam that my future only depends on THAT exam , the whole As my entire life dont count , its only that and its in june , in the birds peak time and im still numb , im lonely feeling betreayed by close "friends" and depressed and numb and not enjoying anything and screaming out of anger now anything can irritate me , i forgot when the last time i was truly happy , i just want a calm life not even a happy one, noises everyday , depression sadness , feeeling like smth is wrong with me at school because people avoid me CLEARLY , its all too much , i even thought of hurting myself , im just tired , also when i m in mental breakdwon , i just remmeber all bad things in my life , my loneliness , my insecurities , my failures ,and i just wonder , did i ever deserve this suffering each day more than one year straight? people who traumatized me earlier are living their life , im not assuming theyre fully happy but they doing well , while im finding it hard to just exist and i also just want to disappear
4 reactions •
2 comments
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