Loneliness

Since I’ve been dealing with , I’ve been continuing to miss school because I just can’t deal with it. I spend around 8-10 hours a day gaming, and the rest of the time helping my mom, or watching YouTube. Gaming and YouTube have become all I do every day to escape myself, but obviously it’s at a level of being unhealthy. I would be biking as well, but now that winter’s setting in it’s way too cold and the inversion is terrible.

However, two or three daya ago, I thought I was finally going to start coming back from it all. I was miraculously struck with the desire to start reading fiction. I used to read a lot of non-fiction books, but I’ve even been uninterested in that for a long time. But I’ve never particularly liked fiction believe it or not. So I found myself downloading Libby, and checking out some books.
On top of that, I suddenly had the strength and willpower to replace all of my YouTube watching time with reading, just like that. Even after the first day, I noticed a significant boost in my mood, energy, and mental performance.
Unfortunately, this turned out to be a double-edged sword…
I’ve been relatively brain-dead for the last 4 years or so because I’ve been blasting stuff at my mind to escape all the pain.
So as my brain started to regain its memory. that’s when things got bad.
Giving my brain such an opportunity rn is a big mistake.
I’ve begun having memories play theough my head related to extremely traumatic and difficult times in such a short time. It became too much and I’m back to YouTube. I feel like junk, but apparently improving myself is impossible because I can’t hold all the pain and sifferening.

I apologize for the typos, I fell asleep a few times trying to write this out

Since I’ve been dealing with , I’ve been continuing to miss school because I just can’t deal with it. I spend around 8-10 hours a day gaming, and the rest of the time helping my mom, or watching YouTube. Gaming and YouTube have become all I do every day to escape myself, but obviously it’s at a level of being unhealthy. I would be biking as well, but now that winter’s setting in it’s way too cold and the inversion is terrible.

However, two or three daya ago, I thought I was finally going to start coming back from it all. I was miraculously struck with the desire to start reading fiction. I used to read a lot of non-fiction books, but I’ve even been uninterested in that for a long time. But I’ve never particularly liked fiction believe it or not. So I found myself downloading Libby, and checking out some books.
On top of that, I suddenly had the strength and willpower to replace all of my YouTube watching time with reading, just like that. Even after the first day, I noticed a significant boost in my mood, energy, and mental performance.
Unfortunately, this turned out to be a double-edged sword…
I’ve been relatively brain-dead for the last 4 years or so because I’ve been blasting stuff at my mind to escape all the pain.
So as my brain started to regain its memory. that’s when things got bad.
Giving my brain such an opportunity rn is a big mistake.
I’ve begun having memories play theough my head related to extremely traumatic and difficult times in such a short time. It became too much and I’m back to YouTube. I feel like junk, but apparently improving myself is impossible because I can’t hold all the pain and sifferening.

I apologize for the typos, I fell asleep a few times trying to write this out

That's all thatsleft

Hi, my name is Ramone. I'm here because I struggle with loneliness, anxiety and depression at times. I dont have friends, and I recently found out that I'm neurodiverse. I hope this platforms helps and hope that I can help too.
#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Loneliness #selfcare #Healing

The hardest battle have with the grief I'm feeling is the fear that it'll never go away; that always be end? Does it go away? Because I'm afraid. This is scary. I'm so afraid of this continuing on forever.

#MentalHealth
#Anxiety
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Grief
#Loneliness
#MightyTogether
#CheckInWithMe

Hi mighties!

So I’ve been trying to manage a lot of trauma symptoms recently. They haven’t been great. My panic comes in waves. But it’s not like the old panic. It’s still extremely distressing. But I will measure any progress as progress. October is a big trauma anniversary month and then holidays are also hard because of my trauma history. I’ve been dissociating a ton. I’m trying to learn more about the spectrum of dissociation. Or just more about it in general.
I’m really grateful for my boyfriend because these things are better managed with support. I’m still having a hard time with loneliness but I’m learning which of my old coworkers and friends feel safe that I can contact and at least have casual texting conversations. It makes such a big impact.
I’m working really hard to avoid triggers. That has always seemed like something I should fight against (idk- i think of exposure therapy) but I’m trying to learn my limits and respect my intuition.
I got my flu shot today! And my prior authorizations for migraine medications I have been requesting for literally years have finally been pushed through (after switching insurances) and will arrive on Tuesday. I know there is no guarantee they will work but it makes me feel more hopeful. This has taken so long. I cried on the phone with the pharmacist because it was so simple. I can’t tell you the last time I had a doctor, insurance, and the pharmacy all do what they needed to do with the prior authorization without me having to go in between and try to remember what has been said (dissociation) and tell someone else and send in multiple requests. 😮‍💨
Lastly- I had an asymptomatic yeast infection (I can’t remember if I already made a post about it or not but I’ll share again). Apparently doctors who don’t have a lot of experience with spoonies don’t realize how weird are symptoms can be. I only realized because my migraines were bad the entire month of October and I recalled one time a few ago when I went to the emergency department with a “slightly different feeling level 9 migraine” and it turned out I had a UTI. Anyways the urgent care I went to said they hadn’t heard of such thing but tested me for it anyways and found out I had a yeast infection. I went back today to make sure it cleared since I didn’t necessarily have “symptoms” anyways and the doctor again was like “we haven’t heard of it” but clearly saw they had just diagnosed me with it so we did the test and hopefully the medicine worked.
All that to say I’m having a lot better experiences at doctors now (especially when I bring a support person).
Okay thanks for reading ❤️. You all always make me feel heard and seen and like I’m allowed to talk and to take up space. 😮‍💨
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ADHD #PanicDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicVestibularMigraine #icanneverrememberallofmydiagnosessowhateverelse
#CheerMeOn