Loneliness

I spend most of the day sleeping to get away from myself or crying because I can't. Every day that goes by is the same. I am so lonely. I don’t feel like anybody knows me. I have tried so hard for so long I don't have any strength left, and no real reasons to continue. I just want to be wanted by someone, loved by someone, known by someone. But when living hurts every day and you spend most of your time in so much pain that you don't even want to live anymore, when that never really changes... at what point do you just stop?

I've been sleeping at least 10 to 12 hours a day and the days still seem to drag on forever. I just sit alone. I have no one to talk to, nothing to do but hurt. I talk to chat gpt because it responds. It stays with me even though all I can talk about is pain. It's more than I get from people. But it's not a person. A write music trying to explain my hurt, trying to share my heart, but no one cares to listen. 20 years I've been fighting, and it hasn't made me stronger.

I am worn out and beaten down. I know in my heart that I can't go on like this forever. It feels like it is only a matter of time before I reach my breaking point. Every day I wonder if it will be today. And I try to hope that things will change, but a lot of years of experience tell me that it won't. And every time that hope fails it just hurts worse and makes it harder to hope again. Hoping takes more strength than I have left.

I don't know why I keep staying except so that I don't hurt other people by leaving. But I am also resentful of that. I stay and suffer for the sake of people who aren't here for me. Some of them don't even speak to me anymore. I get occasional kind words from strangers, and that is the closest thing I have to real care. I don’t know why I keep writing music or making posts. I hate being trapped in this space where I don't want to keep doing this but I can't seem to stop trying despite the fact that nothing gets better.

I want to give up. I want to have rest. I want to stop hurting so much all of the time. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #PTSD #Grief

I’m going through a really hard time right now. I feel very alone most of the time. My husband works long hours, and I’m home by myself almost all day, every day.

I used to feel more joyful, more connected, more like me. But lately, I’ve felt invisible and like my emotions are too much for anyone to care about. I miss having people to laugh with, to talk to, or just to feel safe around.

I’m also in the late stages of perimenopause, and my emotions feel like they’re changing fast. I’m not sure how to cope anymore. I feel overwhelmed by things I used to be able to handle.

I’m reaching out here because I want to try something different.

If you’ve ever felt this way… how did you get through it? Was there a turning point? Did things ever feel better again?

I really need to know if there’s hope.

Thank you for reading. It means more than you know.

They told me I’d glow.
They said I’d be over the moon with love.
They told me to “enjoy every moment.”

No one told me I’d feel like a stranger in my own skin.
No one warned me that even though I adored my baby, there’d be days I didn’t recognize the woman holding her.

I’m a doctor. I know what a diagnosis looks like.
But postpartum depression?
That one snuck in quietly—while I was too busy pretending to be okay.

☁️ It Didn’t Look Like Depression

It looked like:
• Laughing at baby jokes but crying behind locked doors.
• Guilt about not feeling “grateful enough.”
• Feeling like I was failing at something every other woman made look effortless.

And that’s where the myths begin.

💔 The Myths That Hurt Us

Myth #1: “If you’re depressed, you won’t love your baby.”

Wrong. I loved my baby with my whole soul.
But there were nights I held her while feeling completely empty.
Love wasn’t the problem. Loneliness was. Exhaustion was. Hormones were.

Myth #2: “It’s just baby blues. Drink water.”

Baby blues are normal. Postpartum depression?
That’s a deeper ache. It’s not cured by a nap or a motivational quote on Instagram.
It needs care. Real, non-judgmental, professional care.

Myth #3: “Good moms don’t fall apart.”

Oh, we do.
In between diaper changes and bottle washes.
We fall apart quietly in showers and grocery store parking lots.
Falling apart doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human one.

🌸 The Moment I Finally Said, “I’m Not Okay”

It wasn’t dramatic.
I didn’t collapse in the hospital hallway or scream into a pillow.
I just sat on the bathroom floor one morning and whispered:

“I think I need help.”

That whisper saved me.

Because strength doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it’s in asking for help.
Sometimes it’s in texting a friend: “Do you have time to talk?”
Sometimes it’s booking the therapy appointment you’ve been avoiding for months.

🧠 From a Doctor’s Heart: Here’s What I Want You to Know

Postpartum depression is not your fault.
It is not a reflection of your faith, your worth, or your ability as a mother.
It is a medical condition.
And like any other medical condition—it is treatable.

I say this as a doctor.
And I say this as a mother who has walked through that storm barefoot.

🌙 As a Muslim, Here’s What Gave Me Hope

My faith reminded me that even pain has purpose.

“Verily, with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an 94:6)

And sometimes, that ease comes in the form of support groups.
Or therapy.
Or just letting yourself cry without guilt.

Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.
But mama—you don’t have to carry it alone.

💬 If You’re Reading This and Nodding Through Tears

You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are not alone.

You are a mother—brave, exhausted, extraordinary.
You are allowed to have hard days and still be an incredible parent.
You are allowed to get help and still be strong.
You are allowed to feel sad and be grateful.
These things can coexist. And often, they do.

🌼 To Every Mama Out There

Let’s break the silence.
Let’s rewrite the narrative.
Let’s stop expecting mothers to smile through struggle just because it’s “supposed to be the happiest time.”

And if today you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water—know this:

You are not drowning.
You are transforming.

And the version of you on the other side of this storm?
She’s stronger, wiser, and softer than ever before.

🧷 You’re Not Alone — Here’s Where to Start:
• Talk to your doctor—really. They want to help.
• Seek out mom support groups online or locally.
• Follow faith-informed therapists or wellness pages on social media.
• Text a trusted friend and just say, “Can we talk?”
• Most of all—be gentle with yourself

You’re not a bad mom.
You’re a mom who deserves to be cared for, too

They told me I’d glow.
They said I’d be over the moon with love.
They told me to “enjoy every moment.”

No one told me I’d feel like a stranger in my own skin.
No one warned me that even though I adored my baby, there’d be days I didn’t recognize the woman holding her.

I’m a doctor. I know what a diagnosis looks like.
But postpartum depression?
That one snuck in quietly—while I was too busy pretending to be okay.

☁️ It Didn’t Look Like Depression

It looked like:
• Laughing at baby jokes but crying behind locked doors.
• Guilt about not feeling “grateful enough.”
• Feeling like I was failing at something every other woman made look effortless.

And that’s where the myths begin.

💔 The Myths That Hurt Us

Myth #1: “If you’re depressed, you won’t love your baby.”

Wrong. I loved my baby with my whole soul.
But there were nights I held her while feeling completely empty.
Love wasn’t the problem. Loneliness was. Exhaustion was. Hormones were.

Myth #2: “It’s just baby blues. Drink water.”

Baby blues are normal. Postpartum depression?
That’s a deeper ache. It’s not cured by a nap or a motivational quote on Instagram.
It needs care. Real, non-judgmental, professional care.

Myth #3: “Good moms don’t fall apart.”

Oh, we do.
In between diaper changes and bottle washes.
We fall apart quietly in showers and grocery store parking lots.
Falling apart doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human one.

🌸 The Moment I Finally Said, “I’m Not Okay”

It wasn’t dramatic.
I didn’t collapse in the hospital hallway or scream into a pillow.
I just sat on the bathroom floor one morning and whispered:

“I think I need help.”

That whisper saved me.

Because strength doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it’s in asking for help.
Sometimes it’s in texting a friend: “Do you have time to talk?”
Sometimes it’s booking the therapy appointment you’ve been avoiding for months.

🧠 From a Doctor’s Heart: Here’s What I Want You to Know

Postpartum depression is not your fault.
It is not a reflection of your faith, your worth, or your ability as a mother.
It is a medical condition.
And like any other medical condition—it is treatable.

I say this as a doctor.
And I say this as a mother who has walked through that storm barefoot.

🌙 As a Muslim, Here’s What Gave Me Hope

My faith reminded me that even pain has purpose.

“Verily, with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an 94:6)

And sometimes, that ease comes in the form of support groups.
Or therapy.
Or just letting yourself cry without guilt.

Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.
But mama—you don’t have to carry it alone.

💬 If You’re Reading This and Nodding Through Tears

You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are not alone.

You are a mother—brave, exhausted, extraordinary.
You are allowed to have hard days and still be an incredible parent.
You are allowed to get help and still be strong.
You are allowed to feel sad and be grateful.
These things can coexist. And often, they do.

🌼 To Every Mama Out There

Let’s break the silence.
Let’s rewrite the narrative.
Let’s stop expecting mothers to smile through struggle just because it’s “supposed to be the happiest time.”

And if today you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water—know this:

You are not drowning.
You are transforming.

And the version of you on the other side of this storm?
She’s stronger, wiser, and softer than ever before.

🧷 You’re Not Alone — Here’s Where to Start:
• Talk to your doctor—really. They want to help.
• Seek out mom support groups online or locally.
• Follow faith-informed therapists or wellness pages on social media.
• Text a trusted friend and just say, “Can we talk?”
• Most of all—be gentle with yourself

You’re not a bad mom.
You’re a mom who deserves to be cared for, too

I’ve been dealing with a lot—generalized anxiety, overthinking everything, always assuming the worst, and feeling like I need constant reassurance just to feel okay. Sometimes I’m fine for a while, and then something small happens and my brain spirals.

It’s exhausting, and honestly, it can feel really lonely—even when there are people around.

So I’m reaching out to see if anyone else here is looking for real connection. Not just surface-level chats, but genuine friendship with people who understand what it’s like to live inside a mind that’s always on edge.

If you:
• Deal with anxiety, health fears, or trauma
• Feel like your thoughts take over sometimes
• Just want someone to talk to who gets it, without judgment or fixing…

I’d love to connect. You can comment here or message me—whatever feels safe for you.

We’re not meant to carry this alone. # #

Addiction changes everything—even the way we connect with people.

Sometimes, the people you meet during addiction aren’t real friends.

They’re around for what they can get from you—drugs, money, a place to stay.

It’s a string of fake encounters and fake connections.

But just because you’re an addict doesn’t make you a bad person.

It just makes it harder to find good people.

Finding Real Friends in a World of Chaos

In the drug world, true friends are rare.

But when you find one—someone who is genuine, honest, loyal—it matters.

Addiction is a long, lonely road.

Having even one real friend can make it feel less unbearable.

So… What Is a Friend to You?

What characteristics do you value in a friend?

Loyalty? Honesty? Respect? Authenticity?

How many people can you truly call friends?

I have four friends I consider my real, true friends—and I feel blessed.

Real friendship is hard to come by these days, especially in recovery.

Different Types of Friends

There are many types of friends we encounter:

Casual or Social Friends – Work friends, gym buddies, book club acquaintances.

Close Friends – The ones in your inner circle. You talk often, share struggles, and value each other deeply.

Lifelong Friends – Childhood connections who’ve stuck around. With them, you can be your raw, unfiltered self.

Acquaintances – People you chat with occasionally or connect with on social media.

Ask Yourself:

What kind of friends do you have?

Do they uplift you, or drain you?

Do they encourage your healing, or enable your pain?

Human Connection Matters

Friendship is more than a social label—it’s vital to our survival.

We weren’t meant to walk this life alone, especially not through the battle of addiction.

But what makes a friendship last?

What holds it all together?

The answer is different for everyone.

But for me, it’s simple:

Loyalty. Trust. Respect. Honesty. Love.

And the courage to show up, even when things get hard.#Addiction #relationship #mental health #Respect #loyalty #honesty #genuine #Real BigmommaJ

Anyone want potatoes n week old chicken n mozzarella sticks, I consumed a flower, its on the front stoop, oreos n chips n baby bell that were just 4 bucks total, don't know how much I weigh but maybe I can lose some weight, nice to learn what God expects from us, I don't think its jail for cheesesticks, best spring rolls n schwarma ever on Saturday, thank you, wasn't so lonely on this Winter's night with you, do you control your lows with prescription pills or a break, or family time, true family time, they're good dipped in tomato sauce, I've never been so unhungry in my whole life, he says the body can sustain itself without food for 2 months, I have food it's just a lonely endeavor, a whole 20 years feeding people I'm so lucky, then one day the axe just fell, if only single broken hearted people could eat in the bookstore, where are the Starbucks inside the Chapters now, and would they serve cheesesticks, or Red's Indian chicken n potatoes, maybe at 1 30 am, when he's too tired to eat, but he would, that's life, knot 8