Loosing

In 2019 I lost my boyfriend to suicide. He was the love of my life. He struggled with depression but refused to seek help. When he told me about his suicidal ideations, 2 days prior his suicide, I made him go to his family doctor and I encouraged him to book an appointment to a psiciatrist, and he did. But the appointment was 3 days ahead. I lived in another country and had no contact number or adress to his family. I told my boyfriend I wanted to call his job, to his friend, he said I was not allowed to do that, and that I should not worry, we would get through this.
We did not. 3,5 hours before I was waiting for him to come to his job so that I could call him and tell him that I had decided that we have to reach out that day to his family and not wait for the appointment next day, 3,5 hour earlier he killed himself. I sat waiting for him to answer me, but he did not, he was dead.
His friend sent a messag that night, and my life stopped.
You died darling , while I was 1900 km away and I died too. The guilt of not going towards your words darling, to act sooner, is consuming me. I miss you and the pain is unbearable. Love you darling, forever. And I miss you so much. I’m so sorry. #Loosing my partner to suicide #suicidelossurvivors #SuicideSurvivors

The last few days I have been feeling edgy,I dont like when I feel like this,little but significant things start to piss me https://off.I feel like I want to yell or hit something. I already have enough of my own BS to deal with,I have no room to be dealing with others BS

lately I just been stuck in my head and my depression is getting to me.. am I a bad morher for begging god to just take me and leave my son with my family and make him happy 😭 I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I just keep thinking how better off my son would be without me because I'm always so depressed and neg I try for him for when he is finally here but u just cant. I constantly find myself fighting with my spouse too and I just feel like I ruined my spouses life as well I find myself praying and crying sometimes that during delivery I just die and my son gets to be with his father and both our families i just feel like i cant do this like i just need to disappear as if nobody need me in their life.. please help 😭😭😭 #Depression #lost #help #mothertobe #pregnant #Hormones #Emotions #needhelp #needadvice #Death #Loosing #loosingcontrol

#MightyTogether

I called to make an appointment with my Therapist and was told she was no longer working there. My first T quit all his clients with no notice, closure, or referral 25 years ago. Another T became my wife's T instead 8 years ago.
When I told the receptionist this was very traumatizing, she said she would check with T and get back with me. I called back mid day and asked for the regular receptionist, who told me T was taking a Sabatical, not quitting, and she wanted a closure appointment. We have worked together through 7 years of very hard recovery from CPTSD, and DID. It's going to be hard to get used to a new T in the mean time.
#CheckInWithMe