I have a million things to do! Change the cat box nobody’s favorite but mine is so easy. It’s an automatic and if I wouldn’t let it go so long it’d be a snap but I do. My daughters been on vacation for a week, and I had all these big plans to have stuff done we’re having a Peloton bike delivered tomorrow so I have to have boxes moved out of the way we’ll most are gone. She comes in tonight and I haven’t accomplished anything #BipolarDiorder #ADHD since #manicdepressivedisorder can you tell I kinda switch from topic to topic I’m sorry I’m hard to follow anyway I did bring the new litter thing in from the car so that’s half the battle. Right! I continually think of what I need to want to do and I even set time of when I’m going to start doing them but I always revise the times and stuff never gets done. I never get off the couch.
It doesn't go away. There is no "recovering" or getting better. My moods come and go with the tides of life. I have accepted this is who I am. I have had bouts of depression that have lasted 5 or more years, yet I still live. I have been numb of emotion, and void of compassion for years at time, yet I still live. I have been out of control, out of my mind, but also I have been the best me. It is sometimes hard for me to give and receive love, but when I do love, I love hard. I accept the darkness and welcome the light. I am my own worst enemy and my own best friend. A reason to be sad is not my plight. Although many may share the same path, we walk a lone. The people that love us may not have this disease, but they are not free of it. They experience the sadness, unpredictable behavior and mania through us. A realist, eccentric, creative, thoughts racing, distracted, dark, and crazy. These are my own words, this is my experience, this is me. #MajorDepression #manicdepressivedisorder #BipolarDepression
Today i woke up different from yesterday. Granted I've been #anxious and riddled with #Anxiety for days, but my mood has been relatively fine. I would even go so far as to say stable for the most part. However, today i woke up a little off.
Now, remember as i am saying this, i have #PTSD from various traumas i would rather not go into detail about at this moment.
Anyway, i get one phone call that triggers my #Epilepsy to mess up my speech a bit and cause it to become harder to think and process. Fast forward to this very moment and i am overwhelmed with sadness, some fear, anxiety, and overall i am extremely depressed. All of this is causing my skin to feel like its crawling, burning, itching, and tight. My thoughts could be best described as partially liquefied.
I want so desperately to curl up in a ball, cry, and be held just as bad as i want to remain silent and bite off the head of anyone who disturbs me. If i could envision my mood as a physical entity, it would most likely resemble a dog that's been on a chain for far too long. Like, it looks a little sad and you want to help, but the second you get near it, the chain goes tight as it snaps at you.