Marriage

My husband wants to help me so bad. He keeps trying to come up with ideas on how to magically fix everything. I can’t have children and I can’t afford IVF. It’s never going to happen for me unless some miracle happens… everyone’s favorite line to tell me anytime I mention infertility but I digress… he wants to fix it so bad he keeps trying to come up with ideas. He asked me the other day if he could just find someone who doesn’t want kids and get them pregnant (by IUI, not sex) and then they sign the baby over to me…. No woman is going to want to get pregnant and carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up intentionally unless they are getting paid for it in cases of surragacy. That’s not a solution. If we had the money for surrogacy we could just do the IVF. Surrogacy costs more than IVF. It’s all the same process except instead of going back inside of my body, it would go inside of theirs. If I could do that I would just want to carry the baby myself. My uterus is fine. My tubes are the problems so if we could do it I would but financially we can’t and it was a “time is of the essence” situation so we really don’t have time to do it later when we have the money. I have accepted adoption as being my only option. That’s okay with me. It’s taken me a lot of time to get to this point but we are certified foster parents now. We have been for a couple months now but haven’t gotten our first placement yet. I just don’t think he has accepted that yet. I think he yearns for children of his own and knowing he won’t ever have that with me bothers me so I know it has to bother him. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m doing the only thing that’s going to be able to make me happy but I’m hurting him at the same time. I want him to have what he wants in life too. And I have a million irrational fears about him leaving me or cheating to get some random girl pregnant just to be able to have a child that’s biologically his. I think I’m just crazy on that part but it’s still a fear in my mind. I know he loves me more than anything and he gives me the world 🌎. He is my best friend and my partner in life. Even though he is my everything, I still have breakdowns every now and again especially around my period just because I’m overly emotional at that time and that’s a reminder every month that I’m not ever be able to get pregnant. It’s hard enough dealing with a period but it’s worse with infertility. I think it breaks him somehow every time he sees me crying my eyes out over it. He feels like he has to be the superhero who swoops in and saves the day but he can’t in this situation. Can anyone else relate? I’ve reached the point where I’m feeling kind of alone in this. I know I’m not alone but I’ve just been kind of down lately. My state has a bad need for foster parents because you see signs everywhere asking for them but yet it’s been 5 going on 6 months since we were certified and we haven’t gotten a placement yet. #Infertility #Marriage #FosterCare #Adoption #lonely #relate #MentalHealth

I am posting tonight to just get these feelings out of my head.. today I was accused of cheating on my husband with a mutual friend AND his cousin, I guess 2 guys in one week... my things were thrown on the bed O was told to pack and leave, I was degraded in front of his family, and then he wanted to have intimacy after telling me I have a std if I was with his cousin.. like.. you're really going to do all of that and then expect me to be intimate with you.. I'm just full of idk what right now.

My husband and I currently separated and have been trying to navigate his BPD diagnosis. How do I stop feeling like he’s blaming all his behavior on BPD?

Back story: We’ve been married 23 years and he’s been dealing with addiction our entire marriage mostly alcohol as of late. He’s not taking any medication or seeking help from a therapist. I also have my own issue dealing with ADHD so it’s a bit hectic and I need help.

Good afternoon! We are on our 25th wedding anniversary trip!! We were commenting on the nite of our anniversary “we actually made it!” Hopin g you all have been coping with all of our life issues!! I know having chronic illnesses is hard as hell but it’s even tougher trying to manage a family too!! Stay strong my friends !

No communication day 3. Do I initiate conversation or wait for when he’s ready?

Why do I feel like marriage is a mountain and I’ll never see the top? Is it supposed to feel like I’m always doing the wrong? And when I’m not my best why are you giving up so easy on me….I have never witnessed a happy and healthy relationship in my family so who do I turn too for advice or support when I have no one.

I used to stay with my husband at his parents' house. Since the very first day of our marriage his mother started interfering in our life. From knocking at our door at 8 in the morning to wake me up to giving us instructions on how to "behave" as a "decent couple" in front of others to putting restrictions on where we went and by what time we returned, she controlled every aspect of our marriage. As a new bride I put up with her shit for 2 months but later I started getting uncomfortable in the relationship. I started feeling like a puppet.

When I told my husband about this, he completely dismissed me saying that that's how his mother is and there's nothing wrong with that. We had several fights over his mother's controlling behavior as he repeatedly refused to understand my perspective or do anything about it. It got to a point where I started losing feelings for him. Everything felt forced. I told him that it feels like we've lost the spark which pissed him off and he blamed me for it.

He never took responsibility for his lack of action, he never tried to acknowledge let alone fix what was wrong, he ignored all my attempts to explain how I was feeling, he entirely dismissed my feelings, and when things got out of hand he blamed me for everything.

That was not it, despite me begging him to not involve his parents in our issues (as it would make things worse), he went and did exactly that. He said every little thing about me to his mother. He disclosed my deepest secrets to them. After which his toxic family went around bad mouthing me to my relatives. They came over to my house and insulted me in front of everyone.

I was traumatized after all this. I wanted to end things with him. But my family told me to not make any hasty decisions. So I decided to give my marraige another chance. I did my best to forget everything and start over with him, I made several attempts to fix things, but it did not move him a bit. He still blames me for everything. Whenever I try to be affectionate he dismisses me as if I never did any good to him. Its been a month and his behavior towards me is still cold.

I've been reading about narcissists, and I'm pretty sure his parents are narcissists. I'm not sure if his behaviour makes him a narcissist too but every time he gives me a cold shoulder, I think he could be one.

How long should I keep putting up with cold behavior and lack of remorse? Is it healthy to continue being in such a marriage?

#Anxiety #Marriage #Relationships #ToxicMarriage