military

Hey everyone. I'm having a rough day and thought I would share. I am a military spouse and we are supposed to move later this year. I am excited to leave because I don't like it here, but I am very worried. I don't want to find a new therapist and they can't practice over state lines. I feel like my support system is falling apart and I don't know what to do. #Military #supportsystems #Depression #Anxiety

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I’ve been in the military for only 4 months and I already have regrets. I thought it was good choice to finally have some stability in my life and a way for me to go back to college. Bootcamp was hard but I went though it, and I made good memories and friends while I was there. However when I got to A school, that’s when things got bad. At A school, a girl thought I said something that offended her but I didn’t she misheard me and the told leadership. I tried to explain myself what I actually said and It was a miscommunication. But they didn’t believe me they said I wasn’t in trouble but they told me off and I offended her. Then things get worse and I got sexually harassed by a former friend. I was deeply betrayed. I reported him and the case has been suspended. (I haven’t found out what the chain of command did with him yet.) Then I fail my A School, and had to switch my job. I feel like a failure...And since I’ve been in my new A School I’ve hated it. My new roommate talked shit about me while I was sleeping on my birthday, and I can’t start school because corona. And people who are the same rank as me here keep abusing their power. I never thought I’d say it but I miss my old A School and old roommate at least we respected each other. I’ve been miserable since I got out of bootcamp. I don’t know if I can keep pushing through this....

Mark and I have been separated for over a month now, which is nothing unusual. Mark had already been in the military for about 9 months when we started dating and he was stationed on the opposite side of the country about two months after our first date. I keep telling him that we're social-distancing experts because we have a "professional long distance relationship."

Still, actually, we were supposed to be together for our second anniversary. He wasn't supposed to deploy until June, so we planned on having a few good months to see each other in person.Those plans were disrupted, obviously. Mark is halfway across the country again, on base, and I have moved back in with my parents. Now, Mark's not even sure he will be deploying this summer, because an aircraft carrier has about as much space per person as a prison. (Trust me, I've been on one. They're terrifyingly large, and yet personal space does not exist.)

Social distancing has been really tough for Mark, which surprised me because he's been on a submarine deployment once and he didn't even see the sun for 39 days. Mark says the submarine was better because at least he knew when the deployment would end (I didn't, but that's a rant for a different post). He feels cheated. We were supposed to have more time together, but that's not the way life worked out.

It doesn't really help that my parents found out it's my anniversary today and they got my entire family to mock me for celebrating an "anniversary" with a man I'm not married to.That really hurt. I understand it's not as big of a milestone as a wedding anniversary, but Mark and I had plans, you know? I'm still disappointed and I still miss him and so I hid in a dark room so my parents wouldn't punish me for crying. At age 20. My life is going great.

I know things will get better. I know I'll move back out of my parents' place as soon as I get a new job. I know I will see Mark again someday, and, until someday arrives, I can just keep pretending that this is just another deployment. Funny, isn't it? I make the coronavirus sound less threatening by comparing it to my loved ones being in an active war zone. But you know, I guess I'm more used to the possibility of violent death than the possibility of like, the apocalypse or something.

Anyhow, stay strong and carry on.

Love, Kate.

#Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #Relationships #quarantine #CheckInWithMe #Military