bts

I love Jin from #bts . He makes me feel happy by seeing his gorgeous face and listening to their music.

What makes you feel #happy ?

There. I said it. Guffaw all you like, but I’m Army and proud of it! Some might consider me baby army because it’s only been a few months that I’ve even known they existed, but I’ve consumed so much of their media content from over the past ten years within that short amount of time, that I’m definitely Army now. 💜 I want to share with you what being immersed in the BTS universe has done for me irl.

I’ve been struggling with #CPTSD and #PTSD just about my entire life. I’ve struggled through addictions, #Suicide attempts and health problems the past 20 years, never really feeling like I can catch a break. Last year, though… Last year was different. I once again had a major health issue that almost ended my life for me, and when it didn’t, I wanted to take care of the job myself. I wasn’t seeing that my life was ever going to get any better. But then I was introduced to #bts and my life gradually started improving, fairly rapidly.

As I read that back, I’m shaking my head because it seems unbelievable even to me, but then I check in with myself and can feel it in my soul. Last year, I didn’t know that I’d ever be able to walk again. Now I’m dancing and doing 100lb deadlifts. Last year, I felt sudden, uncontrollable bursts of rage even though I knew that wasn’t me. Now, I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve sailed through those same triggering situations with grace. My whole life I’ve been trying, and failing, to manage my #Flashbacks . Now I’m able to speak to my therapist in a way that she better understands what’s happening to me and she was able to give me the suggestion of telling myself today’s date whenever I feel a flashback coming on. THAT one thing has been absolutely huge for me!

Because the daily lives of these seven men have been recorded for the past ten years, I can see how happy, well adjusted people live, something I’ve never had access to before. I may be 51 years old but these men in their 20s have taught me so much… even about personal hygiene! I’m still shaking my head, but I accept it and them with all my heart.

Oh, and they’re also incredible musicians/dancers/songwriters/producers and overall entertainers. Seeing them achieve their #dreams helped sow my dreams, a ground I thought had long been dead. I was a serious musician in my youth and had always wanted to pursue it as a career but it wasn’t in the cards for me. Now I’m imagining creating my music room and want to learn to play the drums and piano. I may even write some songs myself! In high school and college, I studied Japanese and have always wanted to go there. Now that’s something I definitely want to do so have been relearning my Japanese and learning Korean because I’m considering making a stop there too.

BTS talks about loving yourself. I can honestly say now that I do love myself, very much. I’m considering a tattoo near my scars that reads “Save Me/I’m Fine”. 💜💜💜

#bts
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Today's song is "Tomorrow," (heh heh.) Thw picture is from Pinterest but someone did a fantastic job illustrating the point of the song with a wallpaper. Today I am down and out. My only hope to keep going is God and this thought.
#coping #bts #Music