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My depressive episode has gotten even worse. I need support and encouragement that this isn’t going to last forever.

I’ve been in the worst depressive episode of my life since Thanksgiving. For the past couple weeks I felt I was making small progress. I was able to get out of bed, I was able to speak, eat, text, join this community (and thank God I did because you guys and one other friend is the ONLY support group I have) but for the past 6 days I’ve slid right back into an even deeper worse episode. How is that even possible? For 5 days straight I laid in bed in the dark and didn’t eat, only stayed hydrated. Today is day 6 and I’m going to try to eat later and it took every being in my body to get a shower and brush my teeth after a week. I have only been on my new meds for a month and recently went up to 20mg, I just wish it’d hurry and work! I feel like everything is impossible. I have no hope that things will ever get better. This is the longest episode I’ve ever been in. Do they normally last this long?? I just really need some encouragement that I will get better and this won’t last forever. I’m so tired of feeling dead inside. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #hopeless #NeedEncouragement #Supportme #DepressiveEpisode


Struggling #MajorDepressiveDisorder #overwhelmed #toomuch

When it rains it pours. I am currently not stuck in a depressive episode but afraid I could go there. It’s too easy to slip, too familiar. It’s too natural to want to self-harm. Thinking of ecsaping this life forever comes too quickly.
Health problems, death in the family, spouse health problems, marital strife, a neuroatypical teenager that is afraid and ashamed, loss of a job… all in the last 2 months.
I was doing ok, surprisingly so, until this very moment. I’m tired. I’m at a loss. I’ve gone to very bad places in my mind in the past - I don’t want to go there again, not now. What if…
I don’t want to start spinning, spiraling down. I want to believe that my healthier coping skills, regular self-care, healing from meds and therapy will cushion me a bit. I don’t want to want to die. Depression has stolen so much from me, now is not the time for it to take more.


Tough day...

Having a tough day. I don't know if it is the POTS, anxiety, depression, or medication change, but I feel like crap. Beyond exhausted, palpitations, and just not up for anything even though it is beautiful weather out. I hate these days, especially because I have been having more of them lately. #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #potssyndrome #LivingWithPOTS #Anxiety #Depression #NeedEncouragement



I am about 1 week into my medication wean and I am REALLY having a tough time. I don't feel like I will ever be "normal" or "myself" again. I wake up beyond exhausted and stay that way throughout the day. I am constantly suppressing crying. I am anxious that I won't get better and that I am in for a lifelong battle. I just want to sleep. Trying to do little errands but so tired and dizzy. I am scared because I feel like no one understands... I don't even understand why I feel like this. I am frustrated and need to know that things will get better.
#Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #NeedEncouragement


Bad Week #badweek , #52SmallThings #NeedEncouragement

Feeling down and like a medical guinea pig this week. Struggling to find gratitude. Saturday: Cut thumb, Novocain doesn’t work, two stitches. Sunday: Bears lose playoffs. Monday: Two awful neck injections to try to help head and jaw symptoms; still not working. Tuesday: Eye Surgeon and I determine I need a third awake eyelid surgery to remove mysterious chelaysian stye inflammations/ bumps across half of eyelid that resisted all meds and cortisone shots, and impact vision. Weds: Stuck at back Surgeon for final post-op and must pay copay since they couldn’t get me in sooner.

All while under pressure from lawyers for cell phone messages from over a year ago (the summary of them alone is 14 pages!). Since I’ll have a swollen eye neck week after Wednesday, it has to be done by Friday. Yippee!