Buckle up! Haha this is going to be a long one.
On March 20, 2020 our 3rd son, Greyson, made his entrance to this world 2 months earlier then expected. He wasnt moving so i dropped my other 2 kids off at my best friends house & went to my hospital for a non stress test. His heart rate was fine but he was not moving.
My husband was working away at the time so i text him to start the long drive home immediately followed by my phone dying. I used the hospital phone to call my mom before I was whisked away to the city hospital 2 hours away in my 1st ambulance ride. Looking back now, I was so calm. I hadn't grasped what was really happening. When it did all start happening, it happened fast.
Within 20 minutes of arriving Greysons heart rate dropped from its steady 158 to 60. I was rushed down for an emergency surgery where his heart rate dropped to 50 as i was put to sleep and then stopped completely. The team had to resuscitate him for 6 minutes before he came back to us. Im so so so glad I was asleep for that part, because I know those 6 minutes would have been a lifetime.
My mom arrived while they were working on Greyson and she filled in the blanks from her perspective for me. She said the nurse was talking like he wasnt going to make it. My mom called the friend who had my other kids, who had been left completely in the dark, and while on the phone my mom was told they got Greyson back.
When I woke up I asked the nurse if he was OK- I don't remember ever getting an answer. She kept asking if I knew where I was, it took a few minutes but the puzzle started to fall into place. I asked if my mom had arrived - hearing her voice and feeling her hand meant I wasn't alone any more and I could finally stop holding it together. I got to see Greyson before they took him to the NICU and I was taken to my room. My mom took that first photo of him, 3lbs 10oz. His fingers still blue from the trama.
My husband arrived late that night, and I barely remember it because of the anesthetic. I do remember seeing him and loosing it again. My night had become periods of sleeping and crying.
The next day I got to see my baby. Feel his tiny toes and fingers. All the wires and tubes. So fragile. Greyson was having brain seizures due to the lack of oxygen at birth. No matter the medications, they would still come. Mostly at night and last between 5-12 minutes.
They sent him for an MRI and the results were not good. The director of the NICU pulled my mom & me (hubby was home now with the kids) and said Greyson had moderate-severe brain damage. That he would probably never breath, eat, walk, talk, comprehend on his own. The dr asked us to consider comfort care - let him go peacefully. I was numb. Shocked. My mom sat beside me a sobbed at the news. She held onto my arm and hand. I hadn't seen my other 2 children in 4 days and hubby had already told them I was coming home. The snow had started. My mom asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted to go Home.
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