I’m super proud of myself! I cut an entire bag of potatoes and didn’t cut or stab myself once! I know that this isn’t what people are proud of ordinarily, but I haven’t been able to avoid cuts OR stand while cutting for more than 10 years, so color me excited!!! 🤗🤗🤗 I’m also vegan lol, so cutting food is pretty much required!more pics to follow #nottoday #fuckataxia #suckitwheelchair #ChronicPain #potaytoes #favoritesoup
I got these affirmation cards for Xmas and I freakin love them! At first I told myself to only read 1 a day, but they have such great messages I couldn’t help but read more! They make my days so much better! #MentalHealth #fightinganxietyeveryday #nottoday
I almost broke a record (in my head), stayed home for 2 weeks straight. Today I had to go to an appointment. I made it out. I made it back. Even threw in something extra. #nottoday #Depression #Anxiety
There's a .00001 chance of something going awry when parasailing, unless the tow line breaks. The boat ride out, there was a 7 year old-ish girl sitting across from me with her teenage siblings, to the left of them was a Texan family of 5 (the father secretly booked his wife and daughters but didn't go up himself), and I thought, I can't ruin their day.
#nottoday
So I see that you’re back and have taken your hold.
Dark, and deep, and incredibly bold.
Looks like you’ve got me, tight in your grip.
One wrong move and I surely will slip.
Treading water... Just getting wetter.
Hoping that this time, things will get better.
I wander aimlessly, avoiding the action
Existing in life, but not gaining traction.
You’ll sit down beside me, whisper death in my ear
And I’ll lean in toward you and just disappear.
You’ll take all the pain and the sorrow away
And I will give in for I just cannot stay
But then something in me, a courage will stir
And my head will be clearer, I’ll see through the blur.
I’ll fight my way back and fend you away
I’m not ready to go. Not me. Not today.
I can distance myself and reach out my hand
Get out of the water and onto dry land
You’ll move to the distance growing small as you go
And whilst I’ll still see you, I won’t say hello
And though I need things to change, to come to an end
It won’t be with you, My unwanted friend.
Katelou Jaye
I was in a minor car accident yesterday. Rear ended enough to most likely total my car. My arm hurts and my young daughter says her neck hurts so we go to the Emergency department to get checked out. During triage I get asked if I’m having suicidal thoughts. I responded, “not today”! It felt good to say that after the rough patch I’ve had. I’m on medication now and I’m doing so much better. Just wanted to share with you mighty people. #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Suicide #Lexapro #nottoday #MentalHealth
I know it's probably just sleep deprivation that is causing me to feel so down today. My 10month old hasn't let me get much sleep lately. I think it's finally catching up to me. As a single mum, sometimes I feel so alone. Especially when I am up 4 and 5 times a night to go comfort my screaming baby with no help. We live with my mother, but so often I feel invisible to her. Like she is oblivious to my struggles. Most of the time, I talk to her but she doesnt hear me bc she's on her phone, or shut up in her office with the doors closed. Most days I manage ok. But not today. Honestly, today I am not ok.
#CheckInWithMe #NotOK #nottoday #BPD #borderlinepersonality
Today I woke up with a new hope, a new look on the life I’ve been dreading for so long. Most nights I don’t sleep even when I’m able to. It affects my work, me being a mother and so many other things. Some nights I go to bed hoping I don’t wake up.. then I wake up to my sons smiling face and I feel a little better. I try my best to fight my issues, I guess for years I never did deal with them. Some days I wake up and my first thought is wanting to find a bridge, some days I have to force myself out of bed. If it wasn’t for my son and my job I would most likely never leave my bed. I started self harming just because it felt good to give into it. But I hate giving into it. So today I woke up and decided, I’m not letting my demons win. Not today!! I always use the same thing when harming myself.. so today I threw them away. I’m going to try my hardest to win this battle. If not for me, for my son.. for my family who just lost my gram and wouldn’t want to loose me too. #imtryingmybest #Todayisanewstart #SelfharmRecovery #Depression #Selfharm #nottoday
“The air blows so sweetly here,” She said staring at
where the sea slips in making love to the night
In a smoky smudge of sensual ambiance.
The waves reach out to her with a gentleman’s touch
And whisper softly against her ear…
“Come near and visit us
For we will always cherish you
We will sweep the love you desire
Onto your shore
We will fill your soul and your lungs,
And your heart so it will soar
Tis not an end but a chance, a change.
We offer this to you willingly, a gift.”
And all she could do was weep to break the heart of a gentleman
By not conceding so beautiful a request.
To join the deep, to let the soft hold the tired.
But night needs the morning
And even as the sea beckons lovingly with arms outstretched
He also always withdraws.
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