borderlinepersonality

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    Partner of 1 year, has he split, isolating or walking away..

    Hello... I'm sorry for the long post, but I'm so upset and unsure what is happening...

    ..I don't know if my partner is isolating, split me, or has finished with me, and I don't know whether to try and reach out, leave him alone for longer, or accept this is over.

    In the summer, he had injured himself which resurfaced old traumas. He was diagnosed with cptsd 20 years ago, but had been able to mask his pain, until this point. H e started (f2f and group.) therapy and during the sessions was also then diagnosed with bpd.

    It all seemed to be going well, and he started to be able to manage his emotions better.. However, as his pain also manifested physically, and affected his libido, we hadn't been 'intimate' since he started therapy.. Even tho up to this point we used to have an amazing sex life, him being unable to, wasn't a deal breaker for me. We still enjoyed being with each other and was still very tactile.

    After the bpd diagnoses, he seemed to want to run away from it all. He stopped group therapy, and for a few weeks only conversed with his therapist via email.

    He decided that he would remove some of the stresses from his life (which is his properties) and started putting them on the market.
    One of these properties was abroad. He flew out to have a bit of relaxation , prepare the villa and to list it for sale.

    This is when things changed.

    He was gone 4 weeks. During this time he had no therapy. We spoke daily, via txt, phone calls and video calls. He told me how much he missed me, and how much I mean to him etc etc... He looked so much healthier, and happier and I felt that so much weight had been lifted off of him. It was all very positive

    2 weeks ago, his friend - who he classes as like his son /best mate /brother stayed with him. One late eve, he had rang me and the call had dropped a few times, which was usual. When It connected, he then declined the call. I sent a txt saying he declined, and does he not want to speak now.. The intention was that if he didn't, we'd speak next day. No biggie.. He rang back.
    In that 3 minutes he had completely de regulated. He completely shouted at me, blaming me for something his friend had done and that I'm the cause of his stress...
    As I understood he was having a trauma response, I calmly said, that I haven't done anything wrong, and that I don't deserve for him to shout at me, so I was going to put the phone down and we can speak tomorrow and wished him goodnight, and hung up.

    He txt back saying - perfect. Bye... he then blocked me on all social media. .
    Two days later he unblocked me, Nd hours later sent me a link for the villa.
    I responded saying he had done a great job and that it looked amazing.

    The next eve, after no communication, I explained what had happened when he was de regulated (he doesn't ever seem to know what is said or done during these times,) and that by me hanging up, I wasn't abandoning him, but just removing myself from the situation.

    Things seemed to be back to normal after that..we had conversations about how much he missed me/couldnt wait to get back home / looking forward for us to be back together etc etc..

    Rememberance Sunday was our last hour face time (he's a vet) before he flew home the following Wed, but the loving voicenotes, and messages continued right up till his flight.
    Two days later ( last Fri) he then told me that he felt so much better when he was away, and he wants more of it. Although he doesn't want anyone other than me, etc etc, he decided that he's going to go to Australia in the new year indefinitely, so he can heal. He doesn't want to spend a winter here, he wants to forget all his stress and as he is financially secure he can afford to just do what he wants.

    His plan is to stay with his aforementioned mate who is Australian, and then visit other friends that he had from when he lived there 10 years ago. He said the world isn't so big anymore and we can still communicate, and he def will be back, but doesn't want to commit to a time line of him returning. He reasoned that if he was still in the forces, he could get deployed for months with hardly any contact.. He said because we wernt intimate before he left it wasn't a relationship really in that period of time - just stolen moments. He felt like he doesn't bring value to me as a partner, and he felt useless when I had a problem as he was so far away.... Yet He wants to spoil me on my 50th at Xmas and still do stuff we had talked about till he goes.

    After the phone call, I txt to apologise if I didn't seem as supportive as I should have, and I understand that his mental health does take priority. We then arranged to speak in depth in a few days.

    After the shock,and no in depth chat or communication ,..Two days later, I emailed him (rather than a long txt on a phone) and explained that I needed him to give an estimate of his return if he wanted us to still work. If its 6 months etc I can wait, but Indefinitely, I couldn't as I have needs in a relationship too. II reiterated that I support him and his healing and I was not abandoning him in any way but I thought that it shouldn't have to be a choice of hm either healing or us being together. He can still take time out when needed, but by taking smaller periods away we continue working together to get him better as a couple while still having all our future plans.

    He then deleted me off off his contacts in his phone and all social media.. He's gone from a mini ghosting when he's overwhelmed to massively reacting and (from what it seems,) removing me from his whole life. He seems to be very chatty and active elsewhere.. Just not with me.

    I don't want to trigger him more by trying to contact him if he's not ready to speak. , or will by not trying to reach out like I normally do after a period of time , will that make his abandonment issues worse and exacerbate things?

    I'm aware time isn't on my side as he says he will be leaving in around a month. It could be earlier as he may feel he hasn't anything to stick around here for now....and he will def go.. Once he sets his mind on something he commits no matter what.
    I have stuff at his house I need to collect before he takes off, so if we don't start speaking, how do I navigate getting that back, especially as I'm not able to do that by phone.
    .
    Im so upset and unsure where to go from here, as its been so unexpected..
    I've never experienced this before. .

    It's been a week today since he said all this and. I just don't know what to think, do, feel or how to proceed without possibly my heart breaking or causing irreparable damage to us or upsetting him more. ....
    I've had so much help from this site before with learning about his diagnosis and feelings , so I was wondering Is there any advice anyone can give me again please. Thanks x.
    #borderlinepersonality #BPDDiagnosis #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

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    Understanding

    This Pinterest post has been replaying in my head like an old skipping record. I’m understanding my narcissist husband more and more while recovering from foot surgery. I’m more entrenched and stuck in path of life than ever before. #Codependency #borderlinepersonality

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    Plans and Frustration

    Just lost my therapist. Out of nowhere. She’s gone. Now I have a new one. Going to be difficult to adjust. This is why I hate opening up to therapists. They don’t last long and I end up feeling hurt and a little betrayed. #BPD pic.twitter.com/i6aFovoZNN

    — Ann Marie (@Anne_Marie_Art) August 29, 2022

    So my therapist is gone. No goodbyes, no explanations.

    So I checked. Turns out, she’s not gone. It was the case manager who was changed. I got angry and thrown around in emotion mind for a misunderstanding.

    I’m disappointed. I know better. I have the skills, I just did not use them. I CHOSE not to use them.

    My boyfriend thinks DBT skills are akin to lying down and being a “doormat”. I don’t think so. They make my life better. And I’d rather be effective than angry at the world.

    It’s not worth it.

    I need to stop being so reactive to small things. Actually, I need to stop being so “reactive” in general. My old therapist was right…I DO go from 0 to 100 in situations that don’t call for it.

    I spend so much time in “emotion mind” that I forget to live in the REAL world.

    I’m older now. Years older. And I hate it. So many years wasted feeling sorry for myself and my condition of life. I want more; so much more.

    I wanna write a book full of my own digital illustrations, I want to do a podcast (I have a good microphone and a decent laptop) about my struggles, I want to compose a song, take pictures of the night sky, and share my singing voice, get better at playing my instruments again. The list goes on and on.

    I feel a podcast would be a good way to educate and get things off my chest. Maybe make a spoken word film? Just videos where I read my poems?

    So many plans. So little time. #borderlinepersonality #BPD #MentalHealth #Inspiration #Life #frustration #ChronicIllness

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    Decided to Share for Those Who Needed to See It

    Tired and in pain (better with the early meds) and working on my art and writing. Finding a job is up in the air at the moment but I am still looking for remote writing jobs. Or data entry. Whatever. I want to be normal. But my old "normal" is gone. Family (ie: my mother) cries over it.

    I hate it when people cry...especially over things I cannot change. All I can do is find the right combination of coping skills, meds, doctors, and therapists, to fare better in this world.

    I'm a sensitive person. Less so now but it's a part of me that will always remain. Hence why I'm looking into writing jobs and posting my writing everywhere...not just on Tumblr.

    It feels like I'm "always sick" and yeah I am. I'm fighting a battle...(nerd moment: like when the Autobots fought for eons against the Decepticons) but it's worth it. It's worth it to try.

    Besides...I may not see the world but I have my family and my love and his family. They are MY world. They are the light in MY life. Their love gives me fuel to keep fighting.

    #BipolarDisorder #borderlinepersonality #Fibromyalgia #RheumatoidArthritis #SjogrensSyndrome #PTSD #Anxiety #Menieres #Osteoarthritis #DiscDegeneration

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    One, little, thing..

    Hi guys - I’ve got something weighing down my heart this evening. Now this weight is nothing new, at all. It’s something that has burdened me since my teens and into adulthood. My rational mind knows better and always has, but. I am so unbelievably threatened when my partners engage with an attractive member of the opposite sex(I am hetero/monogamous). The only sense I can make of these obsessive and compulsive thoughts is my BPD and trauma, but even acknowledging that doesn’t ease the pain. I can remind myself that I as anybody finds other people attractive aside from my partner - this is natural. It’s not even that I don’t trust my partner, I do with all of my heart. I don’t know what it is. The thought of her liking a photo or commenting on socials(I don’t use any form of, which helps considerably) or tells me a story of her day in which she runs into somebody that was cute or which I perceive as flirtatious - sends my nervous system into a state of hell. I don’t get angry with her, or I try not to. I try to approach it with curiosity and openness, trying to understand how normal people remain at peace without devaluing themselves through these comparative threats which we create in our minds.

    Does anybody have an tips or tricks on how to self regulate, assure and give into radical acceptance? Thank you in advance, we survived Monday guys.

    With love and care,
    Lucas B.

    #Jealousy #insecurity #abandonment #BPD #Borderline #borderlinepersonality #TheMighty #Relationships #Anxiety

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    Waiting..

    My partner and I are at a crossroads - 3/4 weeks of the month when I’m not struggling with my BPD I am the man she wants to marry. She speaks of children, my worth, how grounded I make her, how much peace and ease I bring to her life. Last week was a bad one, I was hurting really bad - and relatively unstable due to this. I try day in and day out to grow and mitigate damage in my lows, to heal and release from my traumas. I see she’s tired, I see she’s hurt and I can take full ownership of what I’ve done to contribute to it - but I also am starting to see I have a responsibility to myself. A responsibility to acknowledge my condition, as well as how intentional I am living day in and day out. She is trying, she has from the beginning - I will never say that she isn’t, she is one of the most kind hearted and loyal individuals I have ever been graced to know. I’m writing this to stay calm and weather the storm, to be held by this beautiful community in which I’ve found. I have promised her with confidence that a life shared long term can and will be beautiful with me, and know in my heart it will be. With or without her it is what I deserve and will achieve. With that being said, I was also very blunt and honest about the journey we have ahead of us, and that I cannot promise her the total peace all of the time in which she seems to expect. I offered her the chance to stay with me, to see this through and to come up with productive mechanisms and strategies to honour both her boundaries and my needs as a BPD. Here’s to waiting patiently, thank you for taking the time to read this - much love guys! I will be okay regardless of if she stays or goes, although I really do hope it’s us in the end. As any BPD knows, it takes immense courage and discipline to have radical acceptance of these situations, I’m trying.

    Cheers,
    Lucas B

    #relationship #BPD #Borderline #LoveLife #MentalHealth #borderlinepersonality

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    I need him with me

    I have to take my little Buddy (not my bio child but I have helped raise him since the day he was born) back to his neglectful, drug addicted mother tonight and my heart is broken. I hate when it’s time to take him home, she is the worst mom in the world. I wish I could take her to court to adopt him but she would never sign over her rights. I wish leaving him didn’t hurt so bad. Not being able to handle my emotions because of BPD makes it that much worse #Brokenhearted #Depression #borderlinepersonality

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    Bipolar and Me

    what does bipolar feel like?

    imagine you're driving your car and someone else grabs the steering wheel and you've lost control of your ability to drive.

    i am finding it very difficult at the moment to process what my brain instructs me to do when i am elevated versus when i am well balanced versus when i am suicidal.

    it's such a contradiction experiencing three separate worlds and being responsible for each of them when my actions are beyond my immediate control. #Depression #Anxiety #Bipolar #bipolatdisorder #borderlinepersonality #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness

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    Help with trust issues

    I’ve had some bad relationships that always seemed to end up with me being cheated on and left hurting!
    I’ve been in a relationship now for almost 4 years now. I can’t help but constantly worry that my fiancée is cheating on me somehow. I love her and don’t want to lose her over something like jealousy and worry that she is cheating when she is just out with friends.
    How do I overcome these trust issues and so she doesn’t feel bad about going out and worrying about how I’m feeling about it? Has anyone overcome or be able to manage something like this? It’s not far for her that past relationships have messed me up?

    #trustissues #borderlinepersonality