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I just need help #DontWantToBeAlone

You are the only person who knows but why can you understand all my shortcomings. You don't have to beat me up just to make me understand. I know im aware im trying to help myself pls dont tell me that im not trying you dont have any idea how hard it is for me fighting each and everyday. If you dont want to hold my hand while im going thru it or dont want to help at all ill accept that and pls just dont add up, dont make me a punching bag, dont choke me just dont add to the pain dont be the reason why im acting crazy just like how you describe be me.

#JustAThought #imtryingmybest #Wantittostop



Today I really struggled with my anger. As someone with my type of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder this is pretty common, but today was really bad. The smallest of things made me so angry I would start shaking and I would have preferred starting a fistfight over a conversation. I wish I could understand why some days my rage overwhelms me but until then, I guess I'm just going to keep trying to trudge through it... #anger #learning #imtryingmybest


day-by-day #imtryingmybest #FetalAlcoholSpectrumDisorders

I like to live life day by day. It’s difficult having fasd, because I’m always beating myself up and blaming myself so others don’t have to. I’d rather hurt myself then let others hurt me which is probably my worst trait. some days it’s hard to leave my bed or brush my hair or go have a shower but if I tell myself that I only have to suffer through this day it gets easier. I often get overwhelmed for my future; will others think I’m weird, will I always look differnt to others, will my future be the same as the next person, will I get the same treatment in life, will I reach all my milestones? etc. but I know that if I live the way I know how, then everything will be okay. #YouGotThis #livelife

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Mentally Exhausted

To say it’s been a bad week would be the understatement of the year... it’s been over a year since my non-epileptic seizures started, and today I nearly ended it all. I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m depressed. And I hurt deep into my bones. Yesterday, I had three really bad seizures - so I woke up already exhausted. I had a mild seizure today, and then accidentally knocked over one of my Mom’s Christmas decorations. It was the last straw. Emotion surged and tears filled my eyes.

I hate this so much. I hate the vulnerability. I hate the confusion. I hate the helplessness. And I hate having to rely on everyone for my wellbeing. I hate being stuck in this seemingly hopeless situation. I hate feeling like I can’t cry in front anyone, because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m weak and incapable of handling it.

After my parents helped me downstairs to my room, I cried into my pillow to muffle the noise. I didn’t want to cry in front of them. I didn’t want to try to explain. I didn’t want to hear platitudes. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, even in a well-meaning hug. I feel like one more thing is going to crack me wide open, and something bad is going to happen. Tonight, my parents are going to my brother-in-law’s hockey game and I’m staying home. The way I feel right now, being around other people wouldn’t be a good thing. I know bad days happen. I know some days I wanna jump off a cliff. Some days are simply place holders - to be ignored and done with as soon as possible. And I know not every day is horrible. But right now, I’m having a bad day. #BadDay #Mentallyandphysicallyexhausted #anger #Depression #ihatethis #imtryingmybest

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Why is it that when you are feeling good about yourself and your significant other calls you names?

Calls you names like “fat” or “put your shirt down no one wants to see your fat stomach” or even looks at you and says “ugh I don’t even know why I’m with you still”..😏 I’m trying my best to feel good about myself but whenever I do I just get shut down and straight depression mode😒 I know I’m not perfect, I know I have a mom body, I know I will never be like those models. But at least I’m trying to be confident in myself and trying to build myself up. I guess that saying is right “whatever kills you makes you stronger”😊💪 #Confidence #imtryingmybest #fuckyourwords #loveyourself


Tomorrow is therapy day... yay..? #CheckInWithMe

My meds are making me sleepy so it’s time to head for bed. I hope once I try I’ll actually be able to go to sleep. My body internalizes #Anxiety in ways that usually mimic abdominal migraines and I can’t control that at all so there’s a strong likelihood I’ll be puking before my appointment tomorrow... it’s been a while since I’ve had a stressor that caused these symptoms and I definitely didn’t miss this feeling.. #Therapist #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #nausea #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthResources #imtryingmybest

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I’m trying

I honestly would love to live a life where I fount have to stress about how my family think of me or tell me things which they don’t know are hurting me inside. How they are just not understanding that I am not them. That my hurt is so beyond something so trivial to them. How I matter and how I am not being arrogant or rude for my opinions or for hurting. How I want to be told I’m doing great in my life and how “it’s fine” or “ignore her” don’t help me. I would love to be believed in to be told I’m doing great. Not that I don’t matter and that I am over dramatic. I’m trying to be happy and I’m trying to have a enjoyable life but with them dragging me down how am I supposed to see the happiness on my world around me? #Depression #Anxiety #imtryingmybest #Imatter #teendepression


Fighting with my mind

No one ever tells you how hard being depressed is, I’m constantly fighting with my mind about what to do and It’s so so hard to get out of bed and do what you need to do and then my anxiety is telling me no one loves me and it’s so hard and I’m trying my best but I feel like one day it won’t be enough. #Anxiety #Depression #imtryingmybest


My friend told me that no one likes being around someone that’s sad all the time but I don’t think she realizes that neither do I. I don’t like feeling like someone is standing on my chest or that my throat is closing up because I can’t breathe. I can’t allow myself to be happy. I don’t choose to be sad all the time, this isn’t fun for me. I don’t wake up in the Morning and decide I’m going to suffer all day. Thinking happy thoughts doesn’t work. Things that I love don’t make me happy anymore. Being alive doesn’t make me happy anymore. I have no energy to get out of bed and the only distraction I have is hanging out with friends and they just don’t understand and I don’t want them to. Depression is dark. It’s sad. I wouldn’t wish this feeling of unworthiness on my worst enemy. So yes, yes I am sad all the time, you would be sad too if you had my Brain. It’s so easy for someone that’s never felt this way to tell you to just think of things that make you happy, oh darling, if only it were that Easy. If only. #imsorry #imtryingmybest

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I’m tired

I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. I take medication for them but sometimes it seems like not even it can battle with my mind.
I don’t want to die but I don’t want to keep living like this. I’m just so tired but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel so much shame for my depression.
I feel so much shame that I wasn’t strong enough to stop myself from making my first cut in 2013. I’m 3 years self harm free but I still remember the feeling of how easy it was and how it made me feel numb to the pain in my mind.
I’m just so tired.

#Depression #Anxiety #Selfharm #Recovery #imtryingmybest #tiredoffighting