Persistent Depressive Disorder

It’s worsening my depression and causing me to be apathetic and just unable to function. I stopped going out with people, I’ve stopped caring about my appearance and my home because I’m just to tired to care. Narcotics have worked but nobody will prescribe those anymore. This is literally ruing my life.

So….I have been living with/suffering from PDD for as long as I can remember. Diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at 50, 4 years ago and within the last couple of years generalised pain disorder and most recent started lithium although bipolar has not been mentioned. Then add this crazy COVID world and I am the one most surprised by the fact I am still here.
Almost 2 weeks ago my husband had severe “indigestion “ as well as crazy high blood pressure. All the men in his family are either dead or have had bypass surgery but at 66 the hubby thought he was the one to beat it. Not to be. He has not left the hospital since. He had a quadruple bypass last Tuesday and he is yet to wake. He is healthy and the op successful but the doctors and nurses are keeping him sedated as he is very agitated and animated when they attempt to wake him.
I have not truely cried for so many years the last was at the funeral of my favourite aunt 12 years ago and then was a maximum of 30 seconds. I am finding that so many times I have really wanted and needed to cry now but the eyes water and I feel like crying but nothing happens.
We have no family within 2000km and our business has left no time for socialising so no close friends. We have 3 dogs and it is anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes drive one way depending on traffic.
The staff are amazing here but I have spent my whole life NOT asking for help aside from my GP and Psychiatrists. So I have no idea what to do. I have to maintain the business the best I can on my own. Look after the dogs and house but all I want to do is sit by my husbands side.
I am so scared, so lonely and I’m in so much mental and physical pain.
And I need to say to those believers- please no prayers. With what I have been genetically given there, to me, is no higher power and never has been.
Sorry that this went on so long. I have always been a private type of a guy. But being a member for so long and reading everyone’s life issues I thought would give it a try. Thank you all.

Hi! I'm new here, although I've known of The Mighty for a while now - I rediscovered it while researching support options for a dear friend who has MS.

I myself have been dealing with issues with "an #autoimmune component" (that seems to be undiagnosable due to my ever-changing test results) and chronic pain for many years. While it seems to have levels (a LOT of levels... so very many LEVELS!), it can be... I'm gonna call it irksome (except on those days when I have pain flares, when it's a PITA - I hope that's okay to say).

I figured out that I was #HSP about 20 years ago, when I first read Elaine Aron's book - it was as though a light came on and I finally "got" myself. The sad thing is, I "forgot" (or, really, forced myself to ignore) myself when too much Life happened - big changes, not all of them good, forced me to shift my career and my focus. And, in doing so, I felt that I had to deny the truth of who I am. Because of my denial (self-abuse, maybe? Who knows?) I wound up dating a narcissist - despite my knowing from the first that he was "off" and wouldn't be healthy for me. I'd spent so much time denying my truth that I didn't listen to my first instincts, and wound up gaslighted with serious self-esteem and trust issues after.

With the #pandemic , I reached a new level of Whoa - the #Dysthymia with which I'd been diagnosed turned into full blown depression, mixed with a soupcon of anxiety to really round things out. I became even more highly sensitized to even the slightest noises, couldn't deal with too much ANYthing, and basically turned into a recluse. Even now, I struggle with #SocialAnxiety , despite the fact that I seem to be friendly and open - the inner turmoil and the effort to seem "normal" (whatever in the world THAT is) is REAL.

All of the above may have been a contributor to the autoimmune element (although my older sister tells me that I've been complaining of pain since I was a child - times when I didn't want to be touched (and I'm a hugger) because EVERYthing felt too sensitive. That, too, may be an element of the HSP.

But I'm still here and, in my opinion, strong. I'm still working to embrace and honor my Self; and will continue to do so. I feel blessed to have rediscovered The Mighty, and look forward to reading other people's stories.

I am a mother of a child with autism. There is no support and it has taken 17 years to get the school to understand his diagnosis of PDD, now ASD. My feelings of frustration have become so overwhelming that I have begun to believe this is all my fault. Being on the spectrum myself how could I have ever helped him. Im treading water.

Hello everyone; I'm still kinda new to TheMighty and brand new to this Group, so I wanted to introduce myself and kinda explain what I'm doing here and what I hope to get out of this group.

My name is Ashlie. I'm from PA, USA. I turn 30 in 2 days. I'm divorced and have a boyfriend of 2ish years (we never really kept track of an anniversary date). I have an 8 year old daughter with my exhusband and 50/50 custody where she spends 2 weeks with me & my boyfriend and two weeks with her father at his mother's house. It's hard not having her for two weeks, but I'm also grateful for her relationship with her father and his family.

I work from home, overnight, as a supervisor at a call center, so it's a lot of metrics reports and presentations, employee development and evaluations, and answering questions if anyone needs help with their calls or tickets. Not super interesting, but entertaining enough; I like the data analysis side of it more than the employee evaluations, but I digress.

It's funny, when you start thinking of your hobbies, you start to realize that you're actually quite boring lol I like puzzles, normal jigsaw puzzles and also any sort of strategic puzzle games. I play a lot of single-player video games on my PC - a lot of the Fallout games, Satisfactory, Portal, Raft, Don't Starve, Cities: Skylines, stuff like that. Apocalyptical or city building type games. I like a lot of different tv shows; some things I frequently rewatch are Bojack Horseman, Doctor Who, Big Bang Theory, Smiling Friends, Family Guy, American Dad, Rick and Morty, House, Weeds, Archer, Always Sunny in Phila, Bobs Burgers, and honestly soo soo many more.

I am diagnosed with ADHD, Persistent depressive disorder (aka dysthymia), general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Undiagnosed, but I feel strongly that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, but this is unconfirmed. I don't have a doctor that I actually talk to at the moment, just med checks. I take Vyvanse and Lexapro. My disorders are not currently under control with the current meds, but I'm having an impossibly hard time finding anyone to talk about it. Everywhere is completely booked. I use medical marijuana (it's only legal medically in my state) in addition to my meds to battle the symptoms.

I'd like a friend that has similar interests as me and understands my struggle with mental illness. I don't have any friends that share my interests. I have a lot of mentally ill friends, and we bond over that, but I found that I don't really otherwise have anything in common with them. I'd like a friend that likes what I like.

Wow, that was long, so I'm going to wrap this up! Thanks for reading if you got this far, hope to hear from you.

I'm not sure if people will see this without hashtags (new to The Mighty), so I'm sharing with some hashtags... #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD

Guilt

I'm the kind of person to type up a post and erase it, never submitting it, because I feel like I'm whining or going to be judged, so after a few times erasing this one, I decided to just make it quick and submit before I can stop myself. I'm depressed. I'm almost 30 and have been on and off meds & therapy since I was 10. I can't find a therapist currently, and it's about that time again to get my meds increased, because I feel like crap. I'm lashing out at my boyfriend, who has been AMAZINGLY supportive during all my mental illness problems, I'm feeling guilty and lonely and misunderstood and out of control and scared and tired.#MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder

The article that was about 18 things that Dr's don't tell you is so true. I have been on different SSRI 's for 30 years now from Prozac to Celexa to Finally Effexor which I have been on the last 10 years and feel a stability on for my dysthymia and moods. But I have to agree with all that has been said. I have felt numb to my feelings many times unless it is a very serious event that is like a sudden death of a family member which has happened in my life and in that event the rx did help with keeping my shit together if you know what I mean rather than crawling into bed for days on end. I do get sweats too. Libido used to be an issue but with effexor not so much. It is worth the time it takes to get the right rx for your mind. I still believe I am better off on the medication. And yes withdrawal is brutal so I don't want to deal with that. # life on effexor.

It’s been a rough several weeks depression wise. It looks like this will last at least a few more weeks (if not more). I am meeting my external commitments - work, taking care of my two cats. It’s my own self care that has bee really slipping. Which of course only allows the depression to become more firmly entrenched. I haven’t been sleeping that well lately, not unusual for me wheb having a bad depression episode. But draining nontheless.

Try to remind myself to be self compassionate towards myself during this time. Try to remind myself that i deserve care and kindness from myself as much as my two beloved cats deserve care and kindness from me.

#Depression #ChronicDepression #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Selfcare #MentalHealth #Anxiety