Persistent Depressive Disorder

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Persistent Depressive Disorder
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    Sometimes smoothies are the best

    I had a really hard week this week, as i am in the middle of a major depressive episode and a med adjustment. I have been eating really badly this week as a result. Typically i eat a good amount of vegetables and lean proteins each week, as well as whole grain carbs. I also rely take out and microwaved meals when i am too tired to cook, which happens once/twice a week, but usually the ratio of healthy home cooking to processed convenience food is pretty good. But this week has been different - I’ve been eating leftover cake for dinner (a friend had made a large sheet cake on the weekend and gave me some), or a packet of ramen noodles (just the noodles no veggies), or crackers, instead of the cooking the meals i had planned. I am working on being gentle with myself about this. I am having a hard time and it’s impacting my usual routine. I also know that i generally feel better when i am eating vegetables and home cooked food. Too much take out always ends up bugging my stomache and i feel more sluggish. So, i am trying to eat some more vegetables after a week of almost none.

    Which is where the smoothie came in for dinner tonight. I made one with fresh spinach, raspberries, banana, peanut butter, almond milk. I also used some protein powder (one that also has added powdered veg) and a little bit of spirulina supplement. It’s a step towards more nutritious food and it was easy to make and is easy to sip. It tastes a bit like a peanut butter and jam sandwich, which is nice and nostalgic. I am a little skeptical about how good the “powdered veg” part of my protein powder ultimately is, but that’s why i tossed in some fresh spinach. And the protein powder is better than no protein. Baby steps.

    If anyone has favourite smoothie combinations, i’d love to hear them.
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Selfcare #MentalHealth

    Post

    Why? Do I expect too much? #expectations #ChronicDepression

    #PersistentDepressiveDisorder
    It seems like the matters of the day keep me dodging blows for a long time.
    Then, a good thing happens and lessens my fading hope. Somehow, the good things don't last very long before another blow comes out of the blue to put me back down ,where I was before.
    I don't have to DO anything for these changes to come around.

    Even my therapist says I seem to have a large number of challenges when I compare the number of other people.
    So, When and Why can I hope for a quieter life?
    Anyone else frustrated with stuff like this?
    🤔

    Post

    On Positivity and Perfection

    A little bit about me: I’ve lived with chronic depression since about 10 years old (ranging from dysphoria, or Persistent Depressive Disorder, to Major Depressive Disorder), raised in a religious family who was very anti-psychology/psychiatry. I’ve been on several different medications and combinations of medications, as well as different types of therapy. I’m currently in the most stable state that I’ve been in several years, and it’s allowing me to see my life from a different perspective, which I’d like to share some of.

    Toxic positivity was one of the most painful parts of my childhood and young adulthood. My parents had no clue how to handle depression, and it showed. It was so devastating to be told that I just had a “bad attitude” or I “just had to smile”, when all I wanted was to be able to do exactly that!

    Some of those things, while incredibly difficult to hear at the time, actually held a kernel of truth. Honestly, sometimes we do have to “fake it ‘til we make it”. Did you know that forcing yourself to smile actually leads to a chemical change in your brain that triggers positive feelings? It’s true! Also, many people in the medical field have attested that a positive attitude in critically ill patients can mean the difference between life and death. There are many benefits to positivity. It’s okay to put a smile on, even when you don’t feel like it, and no one should be shamed for trying to look on the bright side.

    However, it’s important to realize that when the brain is set in a pattern of depression, these platitudes and “tricks” fall far short of being helpful. Where it becomes truly toxic is when someone tries to force their positive outlook onto someone else. Occasionally, a reminder of the positive things in life can be helpful, however, often when we’re going through something difficult, we just need someone to say, “Yeah, that sucks, and I’m here for you,” rather than to come up with some cliché platitude that’s intended to neatly cover up our wounds, like some sort of verbal bandaid. As though saying something “positive” is supposed to magically change the reality of unpleasant circumstances. Positivity can also become toxic when we use it to ignore the pain we’re in, both mental and physical. If we pretend everything’s fine, then we aren’t getting the help we need to heal, which allows things to fester and worsen.

    Now, I’m going to take some liberties with the phrase, “Toxic Positivity”, because I’ve noticed a trend that has been bothering me, lately. In our well-intended attempts to encourage others, we’ve taken to assuming that everyone is perfect “just the way they are”. I’m sorry, but I just can’t get on board with that. See, I know that I’m not perfect. I have many areas of my life that I need to grow in, and I’ve seen that in everyone I’ve ever had a serious conversation with. In fact, I’m not even sure that I can honestly say that I’m doing my best. I want to think that, because that’s who I *want* to be, but at the same time, if I’m truly doing “my best”, then there’s no hope for anything better. No hope for growth. I’m stuck, and doomed to stagnate in this state of brokenness for the rest of my life. Talk about depressing!

    However, if I allow myself to step back and look at my life as objectively as possible, I can see where I desperately *need* to change, and begin to plan how to make progress in that area. I’ve learned that change can be HARD. It can take much longer than I would like, and it might not be obvious to anyone else but me (maybe not even me, at first). However, the alternative, living a hopelessly stagnant life, is just something I’m not interested in.

    All that to say, FYI: you’re not perfect. I don’t know how you treat those around you. I don’t know what your work ethic is like, or much else besides what you post on The Mighty, which is subjective at best. However, I know you have issues, because you’re human. Welcome to the club! You’re in great company! Does that mean you have less value as a person? Absolutely not! Does it mean that you aren’t worthy of respect? No! It just means that you are a living, breathing, *growing* human being, and as long as you continue to seek ways to grow to be a better person, you’re heading in the right direction. Personally, I think that’s better than perfection, because it’s something real and attainable, no matter where you’re at in life.

    #Dysphoria
    #PersistentDepressiveDisorder
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder
    #Depression
    #ADHD
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
    #Fibromyalgia

    Post

    What now?

    Since I was about 12years of age, I have been battling depression, I am about to turn 50. I am very sensitive to side effects. Sustained release are definitely not an option as they trigger the very dark thoughts. My depression is treatment resistant. I had good results from ECT, but despite great results, it only lasted about 2 years and left me with some short term memory issues. I have tried ketamine at great expense, followed by TMS, and that didn't work. I have tried nearly everything!! I don't know what to do now, what there is left to try. And I am so very tired of fighting tooth and nail and getting nowhere. Anyone have any suggestions?? #mdd #Dysthymia #"doubledepression" #CPTSD #Borderline #Anxiety #seasonalaffectivedisorder

    Post

    I'm new here!

    Hi, my name is Ace0fSpades. I'm undiagnosed and looking for others who have autism and adhd.

    #MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSD #ADHD #Dysthymia #Discalculia

    Post

    Shine on you crazy diamond.....

    Pink Floyd's name for their fans
    #Crazy #depressed #lonely #suicidal #Dysthymia #Anxiety #PTSD #chronic pain# Spondylitis #Undiagnosed immune system disorder

    Post

    One of those days

    Most days, I’m doing so much better. Then there are days when my reality hits me upside the head so painfully that I just want it to stop. My heart feels like someone’s trying to rip it out of my chest, and I just want to transfer the pain elsewhere. However, I know that tomorrow will be better. So I cry, and try to hang on to all the rational thoughts I can, and refrain from acting on the pain. When will it stop??

    #PersistentDepressiveDisorder
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder
    #Selfharm
    #SuicidalIdeation

    Post

    Favorite person….I hate having one.

    Today is just a struggle day. Whether it is from the anxiety, splitting, dysthymia with a current depressive episode, adhd, binge eating, abandonment…..couldn’t sleep last night because of anxiety. The few hours I did get, when I woke up the anxiety level was still high and I just wanted to cry. Okay…I have cried a few times. Any amount of tears is crying for me, I used to be, as my family called me, “a heartless bitch.” I miss being oblivious to feelings.

    Every since my male FP gained a new female friend…I always feel in flight or fight mode. Most days I can ignore it easily., others not so much. I feel like I’m being replaced. It doesn’t mean I feel like he will abandon me, but that he is putting someone over me.

    How I was taught love, is by attention. If you have someone’s attention they love you. If not? They don’t.
    #struggleisreal #hurting #Crying #Ugh #FavoritePerson

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    I'm not paranoid people really don't like me

    #Dysthymia #BlackCloud #no hope
    My friends, adult sons, family actually told me I'm crazy. Even my 90 year old mother. My two adult sons won't talk to me. When I tell people they think it's my fault because I act weird. If I do, it's the depression talking. . I'm depressed so no one wants to talk to me which makes me more depressed #Dysthymia #Paranoid #depressed #negative

    Post
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    Depression strikes, again!

    I was just minding my own business, trying to figure out how to be a productive member of society, a decent mom, and an almost-okay wife. Taking my meds regularly, reading my Bible, doing all the things.

    Then, depression burst back into my life like a bad smell that won’t go away, “Did you miss me?!” And suddenly I’m stuck arguing with every thought that goes through my brain.

    “I’m a horrible mom. No wonder my husband wouldn’t let me have more kids!” -No, I’m a good mom, and my kids are happy and well cared for.

    “I’m never going to get better.” - I am making progress, slowly.

    “It hurts too much. I can’t handle feeling this way. I just want to die.”
    -NOPE. Not an option! Things will feel better, tomorrow, and there are too many people who would be absolutely devastated if I acted on these thoughts.

    It’s exhausting to spend hours in a fierce debate with anyone, especially myself. Yet, I still can’t sleep, because my stupid, broken brain keeps telling me how hopeless everything is, how useless/worthless I am, etc.

    I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come, and that I’m capable of fighting those thoughts, but the feelings of absolute hopelessness and devastation crowd my chest until it feels difficult to breathe.

    I wish I could have been mentally healthy, so that my dreams wouldn’t have been squashed like a snail, leaving an icky mess that I can’t seem to get rid of. I wish there was a cure for long-term depression, or that meds would always be enough. I wish it wasn’t so darn hard to keep going.

    #Depression
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder
    #PersistentDepressiveDisorder
    #Anxiety
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
    #Fibromyalgia