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    Self harm recovery

    Finally got one of the biggest items on my wishlist scratched off ive been wanting to do this for years, but being over 40 and with the arrival of 2 beautiful grandchildren over the last 6 years, it became more important to me to get these years of self harm scars on my arms covered up with something beautiful this is the best $300 I've ever spent I wish I would have done it a long time ago The feeling of not being so insecure and embarrassed is priceless this is amazing I'm so happy #Selfharm #MentalHealth #SelfharmRecovery #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #SemicolonTattoo

    14 reactions 4 comments
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    No where else to go.

    This is only the 3rd Christmas Eve in my 37 years that I am spending alone. I just had my 17th year free of self harm. So many things have changed and happened in those 17 years. There is just something about tonight that feels impossible. My mind is racing looking for a way out of the turmoil and even after 17 years there is something that triggers the urge to harm to calm the turmoil. I know it’s time to reach out and use my supports but who wants to be a burden on Christmas Eve. Coping skills, calming techniques. Do something. I know all the things. This is the only place I had to go. Thank you for being here.
    #SelfharmRecovery

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    Selfharm covered up #Selfharm #Selfharmtattoos #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #SelfharmRecovery #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression

    Got one half of my whole self back with an official start to covering up my scars....I feel so much better already! I can't wait to do more

    34 reactions 12 comments
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    Self Harm Anniversary #Selfharm #MentalHealth #SelfharmRecovery #RecoveryTattoos

    So my year anniversary of self harming is coming up soon I can hardly believe that it will almost be a year since I self harmed it's crazy because I promised myself when I make it to a year I was going to get a tattoo and now I'm almost there and to be completely honest I never thought that I would make it this far along now it's time for me to go on Pinterest and look for tattoo ideas

    1 reaction 17 comments
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    One night at a time

    Watched a movie last night that completely triggered me. Didn't realize that I was still that fragile, it's been almost a year since my last relapse. It's morning now, guess I concourd one more night. ##Se lfinjury #Selfharm #Selfinjury #SelfharmRecovery

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    Hope

    Tonigjt I sit here by the ocean. At reasonable ease. No cuts I'm having to hide today and feel ashamed of. Today I found my inner warrior that I never knew existed and never thought I'd find. I go months sometimes without a thought of cutting!:Though there was a time when the blade made it's way in my life every single night!! For years!! I was all alone! It took me years to get to a place where it want my first natural coping mechanism. YEARS! But every single minute of my work was absolutely worth it! I rarely think of cutting today and when I do I don't entertain the thought long and I immediately put pen to paper and write until the words stop flowing out of me. This is where I found myself. This is where I found the truth and this is what saved me. So grateful to sit here and not simply just be existing today but LIVING!
    #SelfharmRecovery

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    #SelfharmRecovery

    So, I've been self harming for a few years, and I was clean for about over a year till 2 weeks ago. I was going through a break up and I felt worthless, and ended up feeling numb. So, I tried to make myself feel something, but ended up taking all of my anger out on myself, which was bad because my friends could've found out and told my therapist and she would've put me back in a mental hospital. It's just- hard. I miss him.

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    Hi I’ve re-emerged #CPTSD #UndiagnosedDissociativeDisorder #EatingDisorder #AtypicalAnorexia #SelfharmRecovery #EDrelapse #ADHD

    Hey. I have a few new hashtags. I got out of the complex trauma unit 2 weeks ago tonight. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff both internally (strong reactions to being a little more intimate with my boyfriend, and a lot of dissociation and out of control brain chemistry/ADHD/anxiety/agitation) and externally (get everything situated for school—I’m only going online and only taking 2 Gen Ed requirements completely online—just so I don’t have to take a medical leave), lots of treatment and staying off social media.
    It was very hard in the hospital between the extreme if I may say so myself anxiety and the constant eating disorder and weight talk. 4 of us were actively anorexic (although I personally was in a LOT of denial about being in active relapse since a month or more before going in) and the other 5 were talking about having had weight loss surgery or how much weight they’d lost. It was pretty constant but mealtimes were really rough. I am currently overweight/borderline obese/in a larger body (actually, not “just in my head”, I used to have typical anorexia and sometimes bulimia and I completely get body image issues 100%). I gained a lot of weight from being mis-medicated on high doses of very bad weight gainer antipsychotics (sometimes several at a time) and slightly overeating (never bingeing) for a long period of time. Then I went on stimulants for ADHD (which are not good for people in recovery from anorexia! But I literally need them to be able to function in engineering school at all. My ADHD is now confirmed severe combined type.) So when I went on Adderall for 2 years I stayed roughly the same size for awhile, then very slowly started losing the excess weight, in a very healthy recovery focused way. I’m now on Vyvanse instead, and also on Zoloft which makes me kind of very disgusted by the smell of food. I also went (almost) completely off all the antipsychotics in the hospital. See where this is going? A lot of bad relapse-y active restriction type stuff. Actually it’s the worst and longest relapse in 14-15 years. I thought it was going to get better when I got away from all the ED talk but umm…no. It’s actually getting a lot worse. I’m losing weight very fast (I’ve been through anorexia since I was 13 or 15 depending what day you ask me, and a lot of treatment, and I know what very fast looks like.) and I’m definitely actively restricting. I can’t obsessively excercise because of #dishydrosis I can’t sweat very much at all. My very trusted nutritionist who I worked with for 20+ years has retired, but she recommended someone and I have an appointment on October 7. But she can only get me in every 3 weeks. I have a hard time taking my ED seriously, because I’m in a larger body. Any pro-recovery support is welcome and requested! My boyfriend and I gave eachother promise rings and my promises to eachother included mutual commitment to recovery at all times and getting all help needed. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. Struggling.

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    Just THINKING About SH So Far...

    Hi, everyone! I had been in recovery for like 20 years, and then briefly relapsed last year, once. I'm struggling again now, but so far, I've only been thinking about it. Ruminating about it is more accurate, I guess. I've experienced some new trauma recently- on my freaking BIRTHDAY, to make matters worse, and I've already been dealing with the progression of chronic illnesses, which have robbed me of my independence and many if my usual coping mechanisms, like going for a hike alone, or stopping to breathe and process at a lake during my work day. This new trauma has kind of shattered my coping foundation, and I'm starting to disassociate again, I'm having panic attacks and nightmares again, and my anxiety is getting very, very difficult to control without medication. Unfortunately,
    my chronic illnesses include drops in my heart rate, so when I've tried taking my anxiety medication, I've passed out a few times. As you can probably imagine, this only makes this whole ordeal even worse. My new trauma isn't even a thing I can really talk about with anyone in my life. I already know what everyone will say, and people who care tend to just kind of make themselves scarce when you don't do what they think you should do. I feel so alone, and so frustrated, and my pain is so huge, that I keep craving that release SH brings, even if it IS only temporary. I KNOW it's not a fix, but my heart is so shattered right now, and I don't even get relief in my sleep.

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    The other day, I was going to light a nice-smelling candle to try to calm myself, and was kind of mesmerized by the flame of my lighter, and a new idea came up. I put my fingers to the flame to see how bad or good it would be, but then I freaked out and just put it down. It left no scarring or visible injury, but it did give me that feeling of release for a few seconds. I don't know if that counts as an episode or not.

    Anyway, I'm grateful for this community, and the ability to share with people who aren't in my regular life, but who might understand. If you have made it to the end of this, thank you so much for reading.

    #Selfharm #SelfharmRecovery #SelfHarmIdeation #NewTrauma

    3 comments
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    Watch out on here ladies...

    There seems to be a lot of guys getting on here to meet women. Not all of them, but in the past week I've had 9 guys wanting to direct chat(private). When I looked at their pages, i noticed all their friends on here are women and they are not a part of any community or posted anything. Just saying !!
    #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Addiction #SelfharmRecovery #dissociativedisorders #PTSD

    52 comments