Shopping on The Borderline.
Food shopping today was horrendous. It's rammed. everyone is on one agenda buy food for themselves and fuck anyone else. Shoppers are being ignorant, rude and hostile. I get to the cashier with half a basket, I Just wanted to leave. I said hello. She looked me straight in the eye and ignored me. I had enough bags. I had cash. She threw the shopping at me so fast that two items fell on the floor and I could not keep up with her so there was a back log. She said do you mind we've got other customers. I said I appreciate that you don't like to work on a Sunday, and I can appreciate that these are challenging times for you and your team. But I cannot appreciate your bad manners or ignorance. I am going to pack my shopping away into my bags and pay for my purchases right here. So I did. Calmly and unhurried. Paid for my purchases and left. When I got outside. I ripped the mask off and started hyperventilating. Shaking. Sweating. nearly in tears. Anxiety. Frustration. Panic. Anger... Any way, my first thought was I need medication. But I don't. I need to ride the wave and realised what I had just achieved..... Freedom... Comes in many ways... Mine came by buying my own dinner and getting home to enjoy it . ..and no I've not taken any medication or recreational drugs... Xxx
**Edit** Xx. It's an awful time and my heart breaks for "Joe Smith," working, family, house, not alot to show accept he keeps his head down and gets on with it . Doesn't bother anyone. Likes it that way .... People like those are targeted... Jobs, Family divided, no education, no benefits as such, can't afford basics but doesn't ask for charity and not flagged up (safeguarding) cus no service using history, government campaigning, propaganda, and opinions of others, Friends, Facebook, news, entertainment... What have you got left? .. I'm Just getting back to "society" "reality" after a very lonnnggg time, isolation, darkness, headspace, I'm aquatinted and going to the shop like that is an achievement. But not for someone who is not aquatinted or experienced any of the "challenges" the government are propping up or killing off. ...I can imagine they must be terrified... Xx #Thoughts #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #anxious #Smallsuccess #COVID #Shopping #iam1in10 ##AddictionRecovery #Recovery #MentalHealth #suicidelossurvivors #overdoseloss #Todaywasawin