Pretendingtobefine

I'm off one of my depression meds right now because I waited too long to call the doctor for a new set of refills. Needless to say, I feel like crap emotionally and all I want to do is sleep, but that's not practical.
I ran into a woman I know from church today while getting groceries, and she asked how I was. I don't like to lie, so I told her I was tired and depressed, but I also didn't want her to worry about or pity me, so I tried to say it pleasantly. Except I overdid it and told her I was depressed with a big fake smile and in a giddy sounding voice. And now I feel like a weirdo. And I'll see her again tomorrow. #fml #Pretendingtobefine #Depression #Depressionmeds #embarrasing #ChronicDepression #ClinicalDepression

I'm tired of people not believing me because I'm "normal." Yes, I manage to go to work and grocery shopping. But I don't know when the last time I showered or brushed my teeth was. I haven't done any housework in who knows how long. Sleeping 12+ hours a day just to get away from the thoughts in my head isn't unusual.

So when you ask "Do you really take all these medications? Really? Wow" or "You've met the criteria for that long? For the entire time?"

Yes, I take all those medications. I'm pretty sure they're the main reason I'm alive. And yes, I've met the criteria for MDD for that long, as if a diagnosis is the end all be all of mental health.

I just wish people, and those are two comments from professionals, would think before they speak. Just because I seem "normal" on the outside doesn't mean what's going on inside my brain is anywhere close to normal. They are called MENTAL illnesses for a reason, you can't always see them.

And that doesn't even start to cover how exhausting it is to have to pretend all the time.

#Depression #Pretendingtobefine
#exhausted
#Medication
#believeme