pure o

M y psychiatrist suggested I join a forum.. I have had ocd for years but I have a new one. Instead of images of hurting people I get thoughts.. they r in my own voice and I think things like ‘you want to kill this person or that’ or ‘I am evil’ and I open up a debate in my mind trying to convince myself I’m not. The difficult thing with this version of ocd is when I had images they instantly caused me anxiety and I knew I didn’t want to act on them.. I have been struggling with the thoughts as they are in my own thoughts and when I am not having the thought I am confident I don’t want to hurt anyone but when the harassment in my mind starts the lines feel blurry to me. I find it hard to convince myself that I don’t want to I start to think what if I do want to.. or the thought will say ‘I do want to’ and sometimes I think I do want to and I worry if I think it I might believe it and act on thought of harm.. or that the thoughts could be so strong they would change my general identity or value system. I read people with harm ocd say they know they don’t want to hurt people and that’s how I feel in the core of my heart and when the thoughts aren’t happening but when the thoughts come I find it hard to grasp that I don’t want to and part of me feels like I do want to. Has anyone had thoughts like this with ocd/pure o #OCD #PureO #Anxiety #pleasehelp #HarmOCD

I have a what could be considered unhealthy hate of statistics. It's not that I hate statistics, I actually enjoy them. I appreciate that we as a species want to understand or world and those like us. There will be days where all I read are statistics, but I hate them. I hate that regardless of what you do your entire existence can be summed up as an average. That really pisses me off. It's even worse because it's unavoidable. Death looms over is all just waiting to be the final statistic that takes us off the census. It's really really really frustrating. #Showerthoughts #PureO #ObsessiveCompulsiveAndRelatedDisorder #Anxiety

Anyone overcome of severely limit their OCD? I’m trying really hard to not give in to compulsions and ruminations and was wondering if anyone had any experience and success with this? #OCD #PureO #IntrusiveThoughts

I wish my head would shut up. I can’t unravel it all and I’m so confused and tired of living this way. I understand I might be having a bad day, but this is so unbearable. I have no control over the thoughts and I understand that’s part of the problem, control, but I wish there was a moment of silence & an opportunity for me to rest. #OCD #control #PureO #Iwantpeace

I just noticed the enormous difference between the relief after doing a compulsion versus an exposure. The feeling of relief after an exposure is so pure. Feeling like you’re back to life after it, not back to the never ending circle ⭕️

I am so tired. So defeated. I don’t want to keep fighting, I want to believe and know I’m good and I want to stop doubting myself and every move I make. I’m so miserable. I am just angry.
#PureO

Today I get to see a #Therapist for the first time in many years. I only attempted to get help once and it went terribly. I hope that I can at the very least feel some hope out of this. #PureO

I’m 17 years old and I am constantly battling pure o and depression. I’ve had ocd for quite a few years. Recently Ive been struggling with false memories and intrusive thoughts. It’s to the point where I’m so burnt out. It’s physically affecting me now, I get headaches and sore muscles, nausea, and just overall weakness. I’m in therapy doing CBT and it’s helping a lot. But I’m only able to see my therapist once every two weeks for one hour because it’s expensive. I’m just tired of feeling like a horrible person, I’m tired of questioning myself, and I’m tired of my mind telling me I’m not deserving of a happy life. It’s just this endless cycle that’s become so debilitating. I just read a post that said people with ocd never fully recover. And that broke me because I genuinely don’t know how to live with this. I wouldn’t kill myself but I really just don’t want to be alive because of how draining and painful this is. I know that I’m a good person, but my ocd will not let me believe it and will always make me question myself. I’ve just lost hope honestly. This is just a vent. Because not many people understand but I hope someone on here does. If you have any advice, or anything I’d honestly love to hear.

If you read all this, thank you so much.
#PureO

I wonder what it’s like to just “be.” To just live in the moment and not ruminate on what was or panic about what could possibly be. To just enjoy all the good things and good people around you and not question your love for them. To not have horrible thoughts pop into your head daily and scare you into believing you’re a horrible person unworthy of anything good being called yours. To not get angry uncontrollably and hate yourself for it minutes later. One day, I hope to just be. #GAD #PureO #anger