recoveryishard

Im thinking that my DNA is paired wrong …. The helix 🧬 goes the other way - this is fact because it wasn’t one person that did those things it happened again and again - even as an adult I went back for more and I hate myself . I want to get rid . I used to bathe in bleach but nothing works #ChildhoodAbuse #PTSD #SexualAbuse #recoveryishard #Hatemyself #Migraine #EatingDisorders #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm

I was smacked in the face last night that I lost a friend who couldn't beat her depression, and I'm really upset. Not at her, I know that she worked hard. She was a lodge sister from res treatment, a sister Warrior. I'm upset because I didn't stay in touch, I wasn't there to support her. I don't know the circumstances and I don't need to, but she died in February and I just heard about it last night. We weren't close outside of treatment, but that's a tightly knit bond quickly formed because we understand the struggle even though it's not the same for anyone. I want to protect myself and not allow anyone else close so it doesn't hurt so much to lose them. This was our second lodge sister whose depression was too much to overcome, two sweet beautiful souls gone way too soon. I know that she's not hurting now, free from the pain and scars from self inflicted wounds, the fight to take up space, and the fight to love and accept herself. She has her Warrior Wings, and I grieve not for her but for myself, for the light the world lost. RIP Nicole, fly free sister and I'll be bringing a bear hug just for you.

The ED voice is so loud & I am tired of fighting it. #EDrecovery #recoveryishard #EDwarrior #eatingdisorderecovery

The day is over - **sighs relief - tomorrow I hope the panic has gone. Hate this feeling of utter panic that I am overweight and out of control but knowing I am not over weight ##recoveryishard