sad

Hello I’m looking to chat to learn how to socialize, for some reason I always seem to want to talk about my problems I scare people away they respond to me by texting you need a doctor or a psychiatrist. And in my head I feel like I don’t belong there chatting because they are not like me . How am I gonna learn to be an chat like a person who hasn’t experienced the things I have that changed me ? #ChronicPain #PTSD #Depression #Trauma #sad

I am stuck in my head from doing what I fell is right so I waste lots of time doing other stufff and resting . I got issues with all the hashtags above . I fell like I’m wasting my time for no reason and I’m tired of it plus it makes me upset .
I am gonna give it till this end of summer in hopes I can get back on my feet . I want to mention I was asked to leave a bar an grill last week had 3 beers and was giving a receipt an told to go talk to the manager. I asked to pay my tab didn’t leave a tip and walked out . I fell they did that because I drink fast being I an issue with chronic pain that gets severe at times I go drink like 4-6 beers which eases my pain and I can sit still an relax at least for a little while but this day they didn’t serve me so I split . I can only imagine how I looked sitting at the bar in discomfort trying to have some beers to easy it . I must have looked like a weirdo . Lol how awful 😞 I’m gonna miss that place I don’t want to go back there’s no reason which hurts but what can I do . Either way I see it as a good reason to stop drinking and to take another path an try to better myself . Good news though I got a doc appointment soon an I might be able to get some proper meds so I don’t have to use alcohol and pot to easy it .

I was so sad not having heard from my friend since last week. I got so happy seeing her text I cried a bit and now I’m sharing that here . Is that normal. We are not romantically involved with each other yet I often find myself looking for her to text . #ChronicPain #Depression #sad #PTSD

Hello I done something that bothers me , I sent 15 years drug an alcohol free aside from prescription meds . 5 months ago I had a beer and since have made a habit of stopping for dinner an a drink at a bar an grill always 2-4 beers food an home . Last night I had like a six pack and came home then I saw a fire next door and started talking to the tenants there who I thought were buying turns out the just rent an passing through. What mad me feel only is I asked them to roll a joint , they tried an so I only asked cause I was drunk and wanted to hangout with others . But I left home even though they invited me to go over .
This morning I woke an have felt ashamed all day I didn’t even leave my house till it was dark to get groceries. I feel so ugly inside for doing that , my plan is to stop alcohol consumption again being I’m not controlling myself while on it . And I just don’t know what to say to my neighbors now I want to apologize but am self conscious to go do that . #Depression #ChronicPain #MentalIllness #sad #Trauma

I’ll move out of this country entirely and never come back… I hate the US with a passion more than ever now. Extremely disappointed, as an American myself. I’ve lost all faith for this country. I honestly wish I wasn’t American.

#sad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #OSTD #Furious #LGBTQIA #ScrewTrump

When my daughter was little we had a bedtime routine. We'd cuddle with our plushies and watch a Disney movie together. One night when the movie was starting she said "mommy, we need to talk". I thought I was in trouble but she said it was very important. She scooted close to me and put her arm around me. She said "you're very handsome. Mommies aren't supposed to be handsome, they're supposed to be beautiful. But that's ok because you're a good person and I love you. I don't know why Daddy says you're a freak."

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One day I said to my daughter "let's go hunting for fairies" and she said "fairies don't exist and magic isn't real. Daddy says so." I replied "anything good can exist if you believe with your whole heart". She decided to go look in the backyard by the rocks. 10 minutes later she came running, shouting "mommy Mommy I found magic!" She opened her hands and showed me a plain grey rock. I said " nice job .." but she said "no, there's more!" And she turned over the rock to reveal crystals! She found a geode!

#sad #Depression #Memories #FamilyAndFriends

I've decided not to make dinner tonight. I just feel really down and sad. I'm craving baked Brie with fig jam and prosciutto in puff pastry. It's so decadent. I didn't take my butter out of the fridge so it could soften for grilled cheese sandwiches. And I don't have anything thawed out for dinner. My caregiver said she'd make herself some oatmeal. She said she'd clean the kitchen tonight. It's really bad. I asked her if we could go out on Sunday for a date day and she said we could go to the flea market that's 8 minutes from my apartment. I said I was really craving bubble tea cuz the store I wanted to go to is nextdoor to my favorite bubble tea shop. I'm really disappointed. We haven't gone out together in over 5 months. I just wanted to have fun.

#Depression #sad #Disappointed #Caregiving

Why does the US government have to be so… ugh. My anxiety is a disability, and they don’t see it. Will I ever get my disability benefits? Should I just give up? This is the 3rd time, and I’m so freaking sick of having to explain to them that I’m non-binary for the 50th time. I poured all of my heart out about why I can’t work (reasons in the last post), and yet the judge has made the decision that it wasn’t enough and decided to take away the disability payments I was having for 3 months. My struggles aren’t enough. Would filing for another appeal for the 4th time be a waste of time at this point? Should I just give up? I’m so mad…

#hopeless #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #ICantWork #unfair #sad #mad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingUnseen

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting