MyAutismIsNotADisorder

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I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

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I'm LGBTQ+. I'm transmasc non-binary. I'm otherkin (not human). I'm Black. I have autism (please don't call my autism a disorder/disability/syndrome) and anxiety, and someone with trauma. I cry very easily. I am overweight. I am a part of a plural/collective. I am non-romantically polyamorous. And every damn day, I feel like this world called society is just here to for the sole purpose to shit on others, betray others, or just to secretly judge others, including me.

Every day, it is getting much harder and harder to believe that there is a single damn individual out there (other than my current therapist, all of my partners, my dad, and a few friends) who has common sense, is open-hearted, is open-minded, and doesn't like to discriminate or invalidate others for being different or for experiencing different things, or labeling themselves differently. Sometimes, the anxiety gets to the point where it seems like going out is stupid for me. What's the point?

It's like almost every damn community I've been a part of (and left) and witnessed just LOVES to INVALIDATE OTHERS SOMEHOW?! It's so annoying and stupid and it's just like... why can't you just fucking accept someone for who they are??? All of this just makes me so fucking angry and just...!!

...Sigh. Now that that's off my chest... may I ask for advice on how to go about this? I already currently seeing a therapist, luckily. Right now, it is very very hard for me to get off this mindset because I believe it's true, sadly.. this society and all of other individuals' opinions is tearing me apart..

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #helpme #Vent #venting #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #anger #help #Society #Advice #triggerwarning #Neurodiversity #LGBTQIA #plural #otherkin

For my mental health sake, I sincerely ask if you could please censor c*v*d-19 (o, i) or the other words, p*nd*mic (a, e), and q**rantine (ua) or leave them out entirely before posting any comments. Thank you, you’re the best!
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Before I say anything, I just want everybody to know that I am not intending to be/sound rude when I say any of this.

Saying that “well, *trigger word* is not going to go away” or “it is what it is” are the least helpful things you can say to someone with triggers, because to me, it feels like you’re saying “welp, you’re screwed for the rest of your life” and for the latter “I simply don’t care”, even if you’re not intending to sound that way.

Yes, I still have these words as my triggers everyday. It still brings me flashbacks whenever I fucking hear any of the words and how much of a sad life I’m still in (and I already have mostly negative views about society) because I unintentionally drag myself into that very sad period of 2020 and beyond.

I’m trying to work this over with my therapist, but I haven’t because there’s a thousand things that happen with me and are on my fucking mind everyday, and if not everyday, then most days (traumatic flashbacks, being overstimulated by youngest nephew constantly, stress dreams, trying to make time for all 7 of my queerplatonic partners (yes, it’s healthy, non-romantic, and consensual) and trying to be perfect around them all the time (I should probably stop doing that), waiting to move out of here already into a more safer and quieter environment, extreme social dysphoria as a non-binary individual, etc. etc.)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #Trauma #Anxiety #triggers #normalizetriggerwarnings #overstimulated #overwhelmed #triggerwarning #venting #LGBTQIA #MentalHealth

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I don’t get it. Why do I still have these freaking dreams when my mom is mentally abusive and I end up getting into an argument with her?

She’s not even like this anymore. She’s not even overly jealous of me and my dad anymore, she’s improved so much and I love her now. Is it because I still live with her, or because she’s been toxic to me most of my life, or because of my youngest nephew (a kid) being on summer break and can get me overstimulated (especially when conflicts due to him being loud and active can come up)? Am I cursed to having these dreams for the rest of my life???

It’s so annoying… it makes me sad because she’s not even like this anymore… she’s fine…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #mentalabuse #Family #dreams #StressDream #Abuse #Trauma

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I’m scared to share this in fear to be seen as rude or toxic.. I swear I’m not, but I always regret yelling “shut up!” whenever I hear conflict and when I’m already very overstimulated. I hate yelling, and I don’t want to yell at others. I hate it. But whenever I do it, it’s never towards specific individuals, just the situation in general. I try my hardest not to yell out loud, but sometimes no matter what I do, it slips and yell “just shut up!” with tears strolling down my face.

I’m very scared that this is going to come off as me being toxic, rude, ignorant, or whatever other negative term. I don’t want to be seen that way, and I don’t want it to make it seems like I’m yelling at others, because I — hate — that so much and I feel like a terrible individual and that I deserve pa1n (i).

Also I’m otherkin, so I kindly ask to please not refer to me as human /genrq

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #overstimulated #SocialAnxiety #Conflict

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I had plans today and it just HAD to be ruined! Did the construction workers HAD to come in today?! Now I can’t come out of my fucking room without fearing of being misgendered and trying to avoid them. I have severe social dysphoria. I’m non-binary, not a girl.. 😢

Not only that, but I’m TRYING to record something before my sister’s kids are home for summer break next week (which is a pain in the ass because of overstimulation), and I don’t have much time left before they do!

Please tell me they’ll leave soon…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #GenderDysphoria #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #justwhy

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We’ve been petsitting a dog for like 2 months. I’ve just been around him yesterday. I always see him everyday. He’s 2 years old and a Chow Chow, if that helps. I was close to him yesterday and just petted him yesterday and it was fine. Sometimes, he’d walk up to me to say hi, and it was fine.

This month, he has bit me twice (nothing serious, just a scratch) once when I was walking up to him just to say hi (and I usually do that until he bit me one time), and once when I was trying to move around him. When I was walking up to him this morning (it wasn’t even going to be that close because I was being cautious), he started running up to me aggressively as if he was going to bite me. He did this another time this month, too.

This has only happened to me. Well, he acted aggressive towards my mother once, but most have happened to me. Do dogs just not want to like certain individuals?? Was he just in a bad mood?? Why does he not like me??

And of course, because I’m autistic, it makes me sad and even scared, especially since my sister (the main petsitter) is moving and getting married meaning the dog is likely to stay a few more months until they move. I know I shouldn’t take it personally and that he’s just a dog, but this has only happened to me and the fourth time he’s been aggressive with me when we see each other literally everyday. I’m so confused and so is everyone else.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #dog #Family #confused #question #petsitting

Also TW For misgendering and breakdowns
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This is why life is so goddamn hard when the kids are home. Why? Just fucking why? Children high-pitch noises upset me (I live with my sister and her 2 kids) but I despise being misgendered as a girl. I’m non-binary, damn it! It’s like no matter how OBVIOUS I try to make it, they still mistake me as a lady. 😡 As someone with severe social dysphoria, it doesn’t help. At all. It leads to breakdowns 100% of the time now.

Thanks, America /sarc /neg /nbh

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #nonbinary #imnonbinary #GenderDysphoria #Life #Family #venting #TriggerWarnings