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Backstory; I’ve not been “officially” diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but it’s been largely assumed, and my doctor says I’m already on about half her recommended treatment plan as it is.

Now, question - are Fibromyalgia Hot Flashes a thing? I have them all day long, there’s never any indication that they’re coming, until I’m pouring sweat walking around the grocery store. And it never fails, my very touch motivated husband will want a hug, right at the high point, every single time. 🤬

I’m 41, so the beginning stages of menopause wouldn’t be unheard of either, but either way, I’m getting pretty sick of always needing extra deodorant, and still not smelling good. 😬 So should I take this to a doctor, and if so, should I go gynecologist, or primary care?

So much has been going on over the past year and my usual way of coping is to #Selfharm. My way of doing so is #Drinking excessively to the point of blacking out or engaging in other behaviors that are risky and possibly dangerous. I have managed to not do much of those things for a while now, but have been finding it harder to
resist retreating to old behaviors to
soothe my pain. I am unsure what to do here. #Sendhelp
#Depression #Anxiety

#Depression #Sendhelp #Anxiety

As some of you know, I created a #SocialMedia support network for people with chronic illness, mental health issues and disabilities. Well I had two ladies helping me and it was going smoothly, but one of them recently just disappeared and the other has major life stuff going on so she cant help right now and I'm trying do it all by myself. It has been my dream since I was young to support #Spoonies and I really dont want my dream/vision to die, but it is so frustrating and overwhelming doing it all... Updating and making posts, attracting new followers, talking to people who reach out to me for emotional help, etc.
#Sendhelp #SpoonieProblems #Spoonie

As some of you know, I started a support network for people who live with chronic illness or disability. I had two ladies helping me and it was running smoothly. But one of them just disappeared and the other cant help right now due to major life issues going on. I had the dream to have something like this since I was very young. I refuse to give up and let my dream and vision die... But Im just so overwhelmed. #Sendhelp

Wedding planning was not what my therapist and family doctor prescribed.

So I got engaged last month. First time I cried from happiness and not from feeling like shit. But now I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated with planning, researching, booking, and money! Obviously I’m super excited for my wedding. But man I feel more anxious and overwhelmed.. I’m about to cancel the wedding (joking!.. maybe). I know it’s not an easy process and most couples go through the stress of it all.. but that on top of my already very debilitating anxiety is not helping my anxiety.

#Sendhelp #overwhelmed #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety #tired

Everyday I wish I could tell someone all the things that go on in my head without feeling judged . I can’t even sit in comfort with close friends anymore without feeling vulnerable and insecure about what type of reaction I will receive . I’ve been through a lot of trauma and people leaving me , taking advantage of me , bullying me in some shape or form ; just all around being take advantage of or neglected by almost everyone in my life . All I’ve ever wanted was just to love and be loved unconditionally without suffering repercussions, but I feel I’m too damaged to be anything for anyone anymore . I’m also a single mother now . I should consider myself one from day one since my ex drove a wedge between us as soon as my son was cut out of my stomach (c section due to breech) . We separated last year and February due to the relationship becoming abusive mentally and eventually physically . We’ve tried to fix it and rekindle the flame , but there is too much pain and resentment . He moved out of our apartment in October 2018 and my son and I in with aunt uncle and cousin in November 2018 , come to find out soon enough we had moved onto our next hostile environment . Just recently got our own apartment and I haven’t felt so alone in my entire life . I’ve never entirely been on my own cause when I haven’t been with family it was my ex , roommates , in a group home , or juvie . I haven’t lived an easy life and I fear I never will or that anyone would ever possibly understand or be patient with me and my trauma . I want so badly to heal and be able to lead a normal healthy life and relationships , but what is normal ? I felt I was going crazy today , and highly contemplated bashing my head into the brick walls that make up my apartment . Just at my wits end here .. suicidal thoughts or attempts is not a new one for me that is one thing that has been a constant in my life is just the feeling of being here any longer is a lot better than being here at all .

#Sendhelp #alone #Trauma #Depression #Anxiety #Singlemom #PTSD #SuicidalThoughts