Feeling Used and Friendless
Do you ever just feel really used and alone? After a series of events a year ago I grew apart from my friends, and though the dust settled and we were on good terms again, I noticed that I distanced myself from them a lot afterwards. I don’t intend to try to get closer to them again, and that’s because I know I’ll get hurt again. I’m ok with being distant, it’s a lot less stress to keep up with so many friendships. I’m always there for them if they need me, and they know that... but they don’t text me. They don’t invite me to things anymore. When I invite them to things, they often don’t want to go out of their way to do those things. That’s alright, I suppose, I have sort of alienated myself so I can’t blame them.. it just makes me feel incredibly lonely.
I have a boyfriend of 10 months who I’m very close to. I love him very much, but the last few days it feels like he’s been very agitated with me. I live with him and while he was at work the last couple days (I had the days off from my job, as I work part-time at the moment) I helped his family cook, clean, and babysat his younger sisters, as they’re going through a hard time right now. I also have been cleaning my boyfriend’s room, doing his laundry, etc. Normally, he’s very appreciative and sweet to me, and that makes me happy to do it for him... but the last two or three days he’s just been agitated, somewhat pressuring me to do certain things with him, and not really wanting to be around me. I get it, tonight he had already had plans to play video games with his friends online via discord, but I can’t help but feel rejected, unnoticed, and used.
He’s a good guy, don’t get me wrong, the best man I’ve ever met. It’s just that sometimes he can be a little oblivious. I sat down a little while ago and explained how I felt and why I felt that way and he apologized, but it was very curt. It didn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know what he could do to make me feel better anyway, so I don’t know why I’m upset with his apology.
Anyway, the point is I feel very alone today and the last few days, and it sucks. My boyfriend is all I have (I’m not very close to my family) and when I’m not on the greatest of terms with him I’m reminded that I have no friends or family to turn to and my heart aches... but I feel safer without them anyway.
Can anyone relate? Any words of consolation? Tbh even just hearing a “I hear you” would be comforting right now.