3

Sunrise was beautiful, yet ever changing this morning.
#sky, #nature, #chronic pain,
#spinal cord stimulator #

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE 35+ EARLY 40s GUYS!!!!. I need to vent for a minute. And they are Laten & Black. Praise God they keep sliding off the radar as fast as they pop on. Thank you Father!!! JEEPERS!!!I am still getting myself up by my bootstraps. I have a few things to get in order & it's all in God's timing & provision.
The latest one is Brazilian. OIY!!! I know what I said the night my late husband passed. Laten isn't so bad, it not the culture so much as it's that I really prefer salted caramel skin tones. Husband #2 was the final nail in the coffin for my color. And I gave up on them. Hubby #3 'passed & I was done with all men....and then my Father spoke. We had words but I agreed with him. He has his preferences on what man I should have. We have been brokering ever since Javi went home to heaven to be with our Father.

They ALL SAY THE SAME THING!!!! Your so pretty & sweet. DUDES!!! It's not looks I am into it helps but it is NOT the primary target!
Let me turn theTABLES!!! How do you worship?, what shape is your heart in?, Are you between 45-63? Are you from the north ( God wasn't specific where up North), seeing I am in S.FL, but he'll be younger than Javi. Of a priestly nature & order. Javi is the stepping to the next guy.
I don't believe in having boyfriends, they don't work for me, I am like moving towards biblical structured relationship that honors God above all.
Why can't I hear: Oh, I love your brains & I love the condition of your heart, when you worship our Father I am awe struck by your passion to worship him without holding back. Like can we work on a friendship first? Can I test drive you in a time of prayer with someone who needs prayers? Can I minister along side you to see what we're like when we pair up on it?

Can you grow to love me flaws & all? We fall in love with the clothes we buy & bring home- I am not into falling love with someone. I want to grow in it.

I like my solitude, but I like to socialize too. Can you do things on your own- healthy things? Pray alone and with me? Can you do solitude too? A relationship is not easy. It takes dedication & loyalty, maturity, lots of humor, prayer, love it's not always simple. I am a deep person, I am very different on purpose I don't want the world in me, but I want to make it a better place to live.

I am hard core on Proverbs 31:29 the very first kiss God ever gave me out of scripture. I am old school,GenX, raised in TX, Transparent cause lying takes up too much energy. Yes I am alot of fun, lots of energy, deep, empathic, brilliant, funny, deep down my Father's wishes come first.
And I don't want to loose myself identy in an intimate arrangement by the Lord.

He is he & I am who I am but our Father brought us together to do more for him than we could alone. And I am content till he comes along.
Thankbyou for letting me vent.
#relationship , # ostomy,# widows.

Here is the 3rd photo. It is a close-up/macro shots of one of the crystalized centers of a log. It looks pearl-like.
#ArtTherapy #Depression #Anxiety

Last week I didn't have enough money to buy my vraylar for my bipolar. Of course I am doing amazing and figured maybe I could get away without taking it. Red flag #1 ! I recently got divorced from a narcissist of 26 years and I got on Medicare that disability offered me. My meds ended being 663.00!! I wasn't going to pay for that amount! So I went off and boy all those dreams and goals I have went out the window. I started to not shower, red flag #2 , and not eat, red flag #3 and I started to act impulsive and act out. I'm in recovery so if my mental health is not in check then my recovery is gone too. I was scared and afraid. So I decided to trust my God of my understanding. I did end up paying for my meds and they are working on trying to lower the price.
Today, I am back to myself again. I am stable and back to those amazing dreams and goals that I once had.
I can't say that something like this won't happen again to me. When I feel good I don't want to take my meds. I hope this scare will make me realize that not taking your meds on a daily basis will make me sick and I love my life today. I matter. I might have mental health along with my addiction, however I am strong, independent working woman today and thats something only I can't take away!

I've been going through multiple situations over the past 30 days. #1 My eldest daughter got arrested at a public facility, #2 the year anniversary of my middle daughter's death quickly approaches, #3 Mother's Day is when my mother transitioned, #4 fighting for my life with these UNPROFESSIONAL MEDICAL CARE TEAMS, #5 I have 3 grandboys from my deceased daughter that are in foster care and they refuse family communications. There's so much more, but this is THE TOP 5 STRESSES.

THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER HAVE MANY OBSTACLES!!!
#Fighting4MyLife