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    What's bothering me today? Being single in 2022.

    I know its better to get it out than to keep it in so here it goes.

    This is a guy who "likes" me and I guess is trying to impress me. I no longer use medical marijuana because although it helps my anxiety it doesn't exactly help my depression so I've taken other routes to supporting my mental health that have been working. I know he's trying to be nice and "joking" but possibly because I know him, this rubbed me the wrong way and I'll tell you why later.

    Conversation on social media:

    Him: Makes post on social media of sweet treats.

    Me: You eat edibles now?

    Him: I'm getting better so I can hang with you.

    Me: I haven't done it in quite a while so you're way ahead of me.

    Him: What! Are you okay? Do I need to make a delivery. Lol

    Me:Wait...not doing eds means I'm not okay?? 🤔 Backwards nation we're living in lol 🥴

    Him: Whats up, why u not doin well? Bc you haven't had any

    Me: What?

    Him: Haven't had any weed? I'm not bein fresh

    Me:Am I suppose to have it? Lol I'm not being fresh either lol

    Him: So what do want? Drink, food or other?

    Me: I'm good. Thank you.

    Him: Np ❤️ smarty 😂😂

    Why did this conversation bother me?

    #1 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they ask you are you okay? My question is," Why do YOU feel the need to drink and smoke and are you okay?"

    Nowadays when you choose to be sober in a drug addicted world, others see it as strange or you're the one who's not okay. 🥴 Weird.

    #2 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they still offer or ask do you want some?

    This is my life and my journey. Of course I can always kindly and simply say no thank you but nobody should be put in the position to be questioned and to explain themselves as to why they don't want to do something that they don't want to do.

    #3 : I have a medical card and can get marijuana whenever I need it. I told him I haven't done it in quite a while but he still offered me some. I don't need a stanger dropping off weed to me. This bothers me because people who don't have access or money would have fallen into this trap and taken off their journey not to mention the safety and security concerns. I especially want women to be careful in situations like this but everyone should use their best judgment.

    #4 I get that I am who I attract and I attract who I am but come on universe what this be? Lol Right now I'm in my own little world, healing in my own little universe. I see situations like these as tests. I believe when you're moving into a new chapter in your life the universe will see if you're ready to move forward and im ready. Nothing is going to have me go backwards. Upward and onwards is the only direction I'm headed.

    #5 Why did I relate this to being single? Because we would have never met and exchanged numbers if I was in a relationship. We met twice previously and never even indulged in any weed together. He's not a bad guy but trying to impress me this way is a major turn off.

    Okay, rant done! Good night 🌃

    #Depression #MedicalMarijuana #Anxiety #Dating #weed #single #Life

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    × " Part #2 Of The Wood Project... " × #My1stWoodProject

    × " Here's Another View Of It... " × 😃😉🙃

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    Please, say their name. Please.

    By Lisa Sugarman

    The first time my dad Jim died, it was the first of August, 1978.

    His death came with no warning. On Monday night he tucked me into bed, said he loved me, kissed my mom, and went downstairs to watch his Red Sox play a late-evening summer game. By Tuesday morning, he was gone, taken by a heart attack in his sleep and leaving a gash through my heart that would never fully heal. Could never fully heal. I was barely ten years old when my dad died that first time and I was the textbook definition of a daddy’s girl, so it toppled me face first. I was lost and shattered and confronted with the unbearable reality that the person who I felt most secure with in the world was gone.

    Whether it was peak bagging together in the White Mountains or handing him tools while he changed the oil in his ‘77 Datsun 280Z or berry picking on the trails behind our house or watching Star Trek squished in his leather easy chair every night after dinner, I savored every chance to be by my dad’s side. Always.

    I once heard sports commentator Stuart Scott call an athlete cool as the other side of the pillow and that always reminded me of my dad, because that’s who he was to everyone who knew him. Especially me. From what I remember from our time together as father and daughter, he was soft spoken and kind, loving and genuine, with an adventurer’s soul. He always wanted to be in nature or driving fast around a track or testing his body’s limits on the tennis court or with his tattered red Eastern Mountain Sports daypack on his back. And he gifted his passion for those things to me. So, as you’d expect, there hasn’t been a single day since he left us in the summer of ‘78 when I haven’t felt the pain of that loss deep in my bones.

    That was how his first death changed my life.

    The second time I lost my dad I was in my mid-forties, when I learned he’d actually taken his own life. The heart attack was just a story my mother invented to spare me the pain of living out my life knowing that my father had chosen to leave us. In her mind, it was devastating enough for me that he was gone; she just couldn’t bear to pour more kerosene on an already raging fire. So needless to say, this impossible truth blew me to pieces. Because this new and ugly narrative required a completely different kind of grieving, starting from scratch all over again. The kind of grief you can never prepare for at any stage of life.

    The thing about grief is, it’s deceptive and irreverent and it shows up both when we expect it to and, most often, when we don’t. See, the grief we carry for our people really does stay with us for the rest of our life; it just oozes more on some days than on others. That’s why, in the decades since my dad left us, I’ve endlessly searched for ways to feel close to him—ways of keeping his memory and his presence alive in a world where his physicalness is gone forever. As a way of softening the grief. And that search has led me to discover a couple of powerful ways to stay connected to someone we’ve lost, regardless of how or when we lost them.

    One thing in particular that instantly brings me closer to my dad is saying his name out loud. This simple little gesture just buoys my heart when the name Jim hits the air and there’s another human there to receive it. Even better is when someone who knew my dad shares a memory or a story or says his name on their own in casual conversation. That’s a one-of-a-kind kind of gift. Because being without your person for over four decades means you’re left without a part of yourself for all that time—a vacant space that can and should never be filled by anyone else. And it sucks. It’s akin to finishing a jigsaw puzzle and finding one of the pieces is missing. The image is still represented, but the empty space makes it incomplete. So, hearing or speaking my dad’s name somehow fills that empty space for me, if only for a few short seconds. I might even go so far as to say that moments of intense grief bring my dad back to the present moment, making him feel a little less gone somehow. Even all these years later, I find that certain things and places and people help to temper that loss, if only for a blink. But I’ll take even a flicker of time when I get to feel him closer to me.

    Whether you’re experiencing a new loss or, like me, you’ve been grieving someone’s death for most of your life, accepting that grief is cyclical is just a core tenant of the whole grieving process. Because grief is for life, we just experience it in different ways and at different levels along the way. And I’ve learned we need to honor and make space for the ebb and flow of that river when it comes throughout the course of our lives, without trying to avoid or dismiss it. Because, when we reject feelings of sadness or loss that are attached to someone we’ve lost, those feelings don’t just evaporate over time. Instead, those murky emotions will just continue to pool up in our hearts until, eventually, they spill out all over us when we least expect it.

    Now, I’m by no means a grief counselor, but I have lost a parent, a cousin, and a close friend to suicide. I’ve also said goodbye to my share of friends and family members starting when I was nine. So, I’ve spent the better part of my life accompanied by grief, and it’s given me a pretty unique perspective through which to better understand the emotions we cycle through when we lose someone we love. And it’s because of that that I’ve learned a couple of valuable lessons that may help you better navigate your own individual journey through grief.

    Lesson #1 : There’s great comfort to be found when you say someone’s name after they’re gone.
    By using a loved one’s name after they die, we actually honor the life they lived and the impact they had on us and the world around them. Because when we say their name, we create space to talk about our person and share the memories that helped make them so important to us. And that’s food for the soul.

    Lesson #2 : Grief isn’t linear, it’s more like a circle that we travel around again and again over the course of our life. So, we need to embrace the waves of sadness and loss when they come because we’re always going to double back to points when our grief feels more present regardless of how long our person has been gone.
    No matter where I’ve been along the timeline of my life—as a newly fatherless child or as a bride walking down the aisle or as a new mother holding my newborn daughters for the first time—grief has been right there with me, in moments of extreme sadness or joy or fear or accomplishment. And what I’ve realized is that grief is like a translucent film that rests on top of our day-to-day life. It’s always present but it’s often undetectable to the naked eye, until there’s a happening or an occasion for it to rise and become tangible again. Then it recedes back into the shadows. And that back and forth is the only real constant about grief. Either way, it’s always there.

    We need to give ourselves permission to grieve how we grieve, regardless of how long it lasts or what it may look like or how it might make us (or others) feel. We need to embrace the suck and allow ourselves to sit in our feelings and feel all the feels. Then we need to share with the people closest to us what we need and how we need it by encouraging them to talk about our person, to ask questions, to mention their name, to remember them. These are the things that will keep us tethered to our person and give us a way to keep them alive. And saying their name aloud when we feel them is one of the most powerful ways I’ve found of accomplishing that, because it’s a reminder that we can grieve and feel joy all at the same time.

    So please, say their name. And say it often.

    If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

    #Grief #Loss #Stories2Connect #Suicide #SuicideSurvivor

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    Deep earworms #2

    This is #2 only because of the last note from deep earworms #1 🫠https://youtu.be/Erkv1-_xR7U #DistractMe #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #MentalHealth #MightyMusic

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    You may have PTSD/CPTSD if…

    So I’ve noticed those with CPTSD and PTSD often report similar experiences. I hadn’t realized how typical my own were until I read others stories. So I thought I’d make a list of common shared experiences in those with PTSD/CPTSD…

    #1 Your abusers and told you the abuse was normal and everyone does it ergo you’re being dramatic.

    #2 You blamed yourself without even realizing it. Let’s face it we don’t walk away thinking it’s our fault clear as day. That’s illogical. But we walk away with doubts that eventually dig into our heads while we’re not even paying attention. The next thing we know we think we’re inherently bad and deserving of being treated as such.

    #3 You switch back and forth from having sympathy for you’re abuser to believing they’re evil incarnate.

    #4 You wonder if you’re too damaged to think for yourself. If you don’t have experience in what’s right then can you know what’s wrong?

    #5 You avoid watching any movies or tv shows with extremely painful emotional expressions yet are strangely drawn to them.

    #6 You wake up feeling panic and/or anxiety and expecting something terrible to happen to you every day.

    #7 You struggle to set necessary boundaries with others because you worry they’ll reject you. Perhaps you feel you’re not worthy of boundaries.

    #8 You don’t trust anyone and struggle with emotional intimacy. Perhaps you feel scared everyone is going to hurt you.

    #9 You have chronic migraines, irritable bowels, and/or body aches all the time.

    #10 You need to be in control of everything at all times so you know what’s up. Even things that to others seems inconsequential.

    #PTSD #CPTSD #Trauma #Abuse

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    Brain fog #2

    I have been in a brain fog this past week, so confused. one of the thing's I am good at and love to do is cooking, this week I couldn't even make simple foods, we made nachos. I told a friend who doesn't cook, doesn't like too. she wasn't sure how to cook hamburger, i told her she will be fine because I couldn't do it at that moment. we messed them up kinda. I am usually a take charge kind of person, who tries to teach people along the way. we made hamburgers the next night with sweet potatoes. again, its like I had no clue what I was doing, the hamburger dried out like rubber, the potato was decent. I burnt pizza the next night, I couldn't remember anything to save my life. wanted a sweater on before putting my coat on to take kaleah out, forgot the sweater. I had apparently got my tool set out, put it out on the table, forgot that I did it. i searched the closet, looked at the table didn't see it anywhere. finally saw it on the same table I looked at, and asked my friend how it got their. I feel like I was going through the motions, barely functioning, just surviving.

    Has anyone struggled with his, as if you cant do anything?

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    In a life where you sleep all the time, fluffy comfy slippers are a MUST! Lol got these for a steal and they make me happy just looking at them!

    Comfort is #1 but a design that will make me smile or laugh when I see them is #2 !

    Hopefully my neighbors don't judge me too harshly when I let Lucy out to pee in crazy slippers and PJ's with crazy curly hair lol

    #AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #MemoryLoss #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Insomnia #Lupus #Lymphedema #MightyTogether #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #RareDisease #SuicidalThoughts

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    Vent art of mine #2

    Actually I have an Instagram account for my drawings but I don’t post illustrations like this there. They are way too personal and here I feel comfortable.
    #Depression #Suicide #Anxiety

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    Hypocrites # 2 faces and denial #

    From a toddler until i left my marriage and everywhere in between i experienced violence. My parents n step parents abused me physically, psychologically and emotionally. My dad denies his wife n he actually assaulted me from the 2 or 3 yrs of age. She would put me in hot baths, wake me up n put me outside n tell dad i was sleep walking. She told him i always called her an sl.t and one day dad flogged me. He blacked out.
    My step father a so called Christian man who is now with wife number 5 would take his cowboy belt off n flog me from the age of 4 until 8. The belt had a steel buckle with a blue rhinestone in the middle. To this day he can still induce fear in my heart n cause anxiety the likes of which i have some control over but not enough when i see him. My mum the quintessential welfare worker. Preaching a good game at work only to return home drink, smoke pot, gamble n always in need of male company. The joke or not is that when she had male company my siblings n i were safe but after they left or she didnt get her way my sister and i were bashed with fists n whatever implement she could find. #denial #violence #2 faces. My sister n i fled as soon as we could. I married a women who was amazingly similar to mum. Physically, emotionally, verbally, financially abusive. # 6mths after we got married i had my 1st hospital admission n i would spend #24 .5 weeks in hospital in 18 mths. My treatment team which included nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists and 2 ward doctors recognised the signs of # Spousal abuse i lived with. They said i would either end up suiciding or yo yoing between home n hospital if i didnt leave. The positive to come of all of this is i left my wife, started a new life and have avoided abuse for 7 yrs.