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I’m having to take some time off for just a bit. Trying to find and fix these 2 screen room leaks has turned into a issue. Different ways to approach this is #1 take the complete roof off, clean and reseal #2 replace the whole porch #3 keep trying and get lucky lol. I’m dodging major thunderstorms, heat, not knowing what my wife and her mother are planning. Not sure if she’s planning to move her mother in as well. If that’s the case a room addition will have to be added. I did get a couple things accomplished today. I lost my rambling post this morning. Thank full that someone found it. Cleaned the house, only 1 trip to Home Depot, and mowed the yard even when it started pouring! I’ve laid in bed a couple of times only to think about that patio roof. ( things like that keep me awake lol ) wishing everyone a restful night and prayers going out to all. Think positive!…David. P.S. practical turtle, keep me posted on how things go…David

Have you ever thought of a simple mosquito bite? If you see it biting you then it will itch for hours. If you didn’t see it bite you, then you’ll probably never notice it. It goes the same way that a diagnosis goes. If you dwell on it, it takes sometimes years to understand it . The key is don’t dwell. Yes there are treatments that can and will help if you allow it. In Med 101, we learn the 5 predictable stages that people will typically go through after a terminal diagnosis. #1 Denial #2 Anger#3 Bargaining. #4 grieving and #5 ( the most important) Acceptance. These “5 steps can also be used by all of us in the battles we face daily. But remember, our diagnosis isn’t terminal. It’s a beautiful life out there if you know where to look. God opens our eyes to see them, but you won’t see the beauty if your dwelling on something else. Years ago, I made a decision to say Good morning, Good afternoon etc etc to everyone I came across. You never know if that’s the only thing nice that’s been said to that person in awhile. As I browse through a lot of these post, I see members that are dealing with worse things then I am. When you have a chance browse as well. Try not to dwell, try to find the beauty that surrounds you. It might just surprise you….David

It’s been a long 7 1/2 years since my life changed over an injury. I spent 7 of them drowning in beer to make me forget what my life was. Completely sober for a year. Having some medical knowledge sometimes is a curse! But having changed my way of life also changed my way of thinking. When I wake up, I have 2 choices to make. #1 Is this going to be a good day or #2 Am I going to make this a bad day? It’s MY choice. One thing I’ve found is common among a lot of us is dwelling on what we can’t do instead of dwelling on what we can do. Or dwelling on a diagnosis. Yes, at times it can be hard. One benefit of my injury was, it brought me closer to God. When my pain is overwhelming, I think of the pain that Jesus Christ endured to take away my sins. I then think my pain is trivial. Guys and Gals, this works for me. Life is too short to let anything stop you from living it. Find your enjoyments, Find new ways and hobbies! Just find things to occupy your mind and not dwell on a diagnosis!…..David

I've recently rediscovered haikus and have found writing them to be very effective when I'm going through a low spell. Here are a few I've written recently...#1 Darkness comes unasked

So heavy, sightless, morose

I await the dawn's rescue#2 The world is so big

Will the vastness swallow me?

I guess I'll find out#3 I miss my old friend

Special days no longer ours

But memories are

I only have 2 ex and neither of them treated me right. First was sexually abusive and a liar the second treated me like I hardly existed and was someone he could blow off. Just found out he thought I was the most boring person he had for a relationship and compared me to an old person relationship. Apparently he wanted the relationship to be over four months into it and we were together for almost a year. Wouldn’t that mean he was stringing me along this whole time. He says no because he still cared about. But did he really he barely kept in touch wouldn’t hear from him for days and barely saw him sometimes he wouldn’t tell me was canceling. All I know is trying to be friends with him was a mistake and I deserved better than a coward who wouldn’t tell me the truth while playing me for a fool telling me he was happy with everything. Why do I trust the wrong people and why am I so stupid? Guess being alone is better than being played or being sexually assaulted or raped. Rather stay single than be with another asshole again.

So, I had previously been working on writing a book. About my 14 months of a toxic abusive relationship and how it affected not only me but so many others. Also, about my healing process. I had to stop as it was bringing to much back all at once. Especially since I was using pen to paper. Rough draft #1 , then editing it and rewriting for draft #2 . Some of the situations I had endured caused me agonizing flashbacks after I was able to get out of that relationship. Hour long, I was physically fighting what my head was remembering. Only I didn't have visual flashbacks. They were emotional ones. Much harder to realize it's not real. I only saw gray but had this all consuming fear come over me that I couldn't fight or try to control. Anyway, the editing was bringing to much to fast and I started to disassociate more frequently as my brain was trying to protect itself. Triggers I've long since be able to control were throwing me for a loop. So for my mental health I knew I needed a break. Now I started processing the idea of a book 9 months ago. I hope to bring more awareness out to the public about the tragedy of abuse, I hope to bring anyone who is still suffering in an abusive relationship hope, inspiration and to know they aren't the only ones. Lastly I'm also doing it to aid in my healing journey. I've been out of that situation since November 6, 2020 so it's around 2 1/2 years. I have had extensive therapy, 3 different ways. I know it's very hard to start talking about the hell I went through, yet the more I bring out any certain situation or trauma the less hold it has over me. Ah, sorry I got caught up in the moment. But my little light bulb went off when I was at mom's last week and I was staring off in space and it hit me! She has an older model, still working desk top computer. I asked if I could use it to type out my book. She said that was fine. (She never uses it anyways). Then mentioned she doesn't have a printer, how was I planning on getting it off the computer. I told her I would get a flash drive and download it on that. Then take that to get printed. That first time on it typing, I had been working for around an hour to stop and make us a sandwich and chips. Cleaned everything up and went back to work. She got my attention finally and said she thinks I need to take a break before I lock up my back or hips. I looked up and then around. Noting that the lighting was different. I had been typing for over 2 hours. Yes I was very stiff. But but typing I can add in anytime, anywhere. I don't have to keep rewriting the same things. Which is awesome because I decided to really tell my story I had to start when tragedy first came across my path as how that affected the rest of my life.

Anyway, thanks for listening/reading my feelings. God Bless everyone!