3

Part 1
First Of All I Just Want To Say That If You're Fucked Up, & Can't Afford A Therapist, Yet You Want To Be Intimate Please Get Yourself Sterilized.
Now, This Is Why:
I'm A 34 Yr. Old Woman & I'm Still Terrified-Out Of My Skull-Of My Sperm Donor & He's In His 60s.
Well, You Might Be Thinking:
"Just Do The Work Already & You'll Get Over It."
Thing Is That Isn't How It Works.
Why?.
Because I've Done The Work & I've Unburdened Myself Of This Individual.
I've Come To Realize That It's Because Of My Inner Child.
I Can't Get Rid Of My Inner Child & Thus The Terrors' Going To Remain; If I Could Get Rid Of My Inner Child The Terror Would Go.//
I've Gone No Contact With Him-With Help-YET 3 Things Work Against Me.
1)Poverty
1 Leads Into #2 .
2) I Can't Afford A Specialist
& 1,Again, Leads Into #3
3) I Live In The Deep South & Can't Get Out.
How Is #3 Relevant?.
Well, In The Deep South:
1) Stigma,Against Those With Mental/Emotional Illnesses, Is Rampant-& Higher-Than It Is In The North.
Why?.
Because The North Is More Liberal Than The South.
&
2) The Deep South Has This Backwards, & Stupid, Mentality:
The "Purity" Of Parents & Family Must Be Preserved At ALL Costs-No Matter The Cost/s.
If An Adult Is Fucked Up It's Their Fault-Nobody Elses'.
Another Words If A Person Suffers From Something Like CPTSD-With All The Conditions That Fall Under This Umbrella-Than It's The Individuals' Fault; Somehow They Developed This All On Their Own.
That Is How Dedicated The Deep South Is To That Preservation Of So-Called "Purity".
It's Ludicrous & Makes Life A 10000x Harder Than It Needs To Be,& Ought To Be, For Adult Survivors Of Child Abuse In The Deep South!.
End Of Part 1

I know its better to get it out than to keep it in so here it goes.

This is a guy who "likes" me and I guess is trying to impress me. I no longer use medical marijuana because although it helps my anxiety it doesn't exactly help my depression so I've taken other routes to supporting my mental health that have been working. I know he's trying to be nice and "joking" but possibly because I know him, this rubbed me the wrong way and I'll tell you why later.

Conversation on social media:

Him: Makes post on social media of sweet treats.

Me: You eat edibles now?

Him: I'm getting better so I can hang with you.

Me: I haven't done it in quite a while so you're way ahead of me.

Him: What! Are you okay? Do I need to make a delivery. Lol

Me:Wait...not doing eds means I'm not okay?? 🤔 Backwards nation we're living in lol 🥴

Him: Whats up, why u not doin well? Bc you haven't had any

Me: What?

Him: Haven't had any weed? I'm not bein fresh

Me:Am I suppose to have it? Lol I'm not being fresh either lol

Him: So what do want? Drink, food or other?

Me: I'm good. Thank you.

Him: Np ❤️ smarty 😂😂

Why did this conversation bother me?

#1 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they ask you are you okay? My question is," Why do YOU feel the need to drink and smoke and are you okay?"

Nowadays when you choose to be sober in a drug addicted world, others see it as strange or you're the one who's not okay. 🥴 Weird.

#2 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they still offer or ask do you want some?

This is my life and my journey. Of course I can always kindly and simply say no thank you but nobody should be put in the position to be questioned and to explain themselves as to why they don't want to do something that they don't want to do.

#3 : I have a medical card and can get marijuana whenever I need it. I told him I haven't done it in quite a while but he still offered me some. I don't need a stanger dropping off weed to me. This bothers me because people who don't have access or money would have fallen into this trap and taken off their journey not to mention the safety and security concerns. I especially want women to be careful in situations like this but everyone should use their best judgment.

#4 I get that I am who I attract and I attract who I am but come on universe what this be? Lol Right now I'm in my own little world, healing in my own little universe. I see situations like these as tests. I believe when you're moving into a new chapter in your life the universe will see if you're ready to move forward and im ready. Nothing is going to have me go backwards. Upward and onwards is the only direction I'm headed.

#5 Why did I relate this to being single? Because we would have never met and exchanged numbers if I was in a relationship. We met twice previously and never even indulged in any weed together. He's not a bad guy but trying to impress me this way is a major turn off.

Okay, rant done! Good night 🌃

#Depression #MedicalMarijuana #Anxiety #Dating #weed #single #Life

So I’ve noticed those with CPTSD and PTSD often report similar experiences. I hadn’t realized how typical my own were until I read others stories. So I thought I’d make a list of common shared experiences in those with PTSD/CPTSD…

#1 Your abusers and told you the abuse was normal and everyone does it ergo you’re being dramatic.

#2 You blamed yourself without even realizing it. Let’s face it we don’t walk away thinking it’s our fault clear as day. That’s illogical. But we walk away with doubts that eventually dig into our heads while we’re not even paying attention. The next thing we know we think we’re inherently bad and deserving of being treated as such.

#3 You switch back and forth from having sympathy for you’re abuser to believing they’re evil incarnate.

#4 You wonder if you’re too damaged to think for yourself. If you don’t have experience in what’s right then can you know what’s wrong?

#5 You avoid watching any movies or tv shows with extremely painful emotional expressions yet are strangely drawn to them.

#6 You wake up feeling panic and/or anxiety and expecting something terrible to happen to you every day.

#7 You struggle to set necessary boundaries with others because you worry they’ll reject you. Perhaps you feel you’re not worthy of boundaries.

#8 You don’t trust anyone and struggle with emotional intimacy. Perhaps you feel scared everyone is going to hurt you.

#9 You have chronic migraines, irritable bowels, and/or body aches all the time.

#10 You need to be in control of everything at all times so you know what’s up. Even things that to others seems inconsequential.

#PTSD #CPTSD #Trauma #Abuse

Well I've been following the Mighty for a while and at times you have been my saviour for that I thank you all. I'm a 56 Yr old woman with #3 children 18 almost, 21 and my daughter who Is 19..almost. ( guess you could say I am her Foster mum.. without the Financial support) but that's irrespective.
I didn't start having my family till I was 35 so a late starter. Married then, husband turned out to be an alcoholic.. but because of my serious attempt at ending it all.. he couldn't forgive me. So once I was able too I left. My bipolar was always being used as a threat if I tried to get full custody. To be honest the chn. Didn't deserve to be denied their dad or mum. It wasn't there fault we couldn't work our marriage out. I had a good career 15 yrs, managing a care home. Can't say it's been down hill since then but it has. Feel I need to hide my illness until recently. I know full well it was that they saw first not the person. I have no friends, no partner, I seek emotional and physical support from strangers and unless I offer sex even that isn't on the cards.
#I want to die, I hate the pain I constantly carry around because of my bipolar.
I have been relatively high functioning compared to some folk.
Despite not being diagnosed till I was in my 40's and a spell in hospital. I know I won't live for many more years. Its becoming too much of a challenge to keep putting on my masks. I now work as a Funeral Arranger have done for 5 yrs. It's kept me alive. Seeing what the grief does yo others has stopped me from putting my family through it. But I've just had to reduce my hours, it's not the job it's me... I am less capable, making more mistakes, my hypersexuality is worse, not managing my home, my self and feel so very alone.
I recently reached out to the local mental health team but just had meds changed. No one to see face to face, to hug and say it's OK. So I know that I will end up taking my own life because its just to impossible to live it. Might not be this month but I'm spiralling down more and more each time when I have a relapse.
It's the pain of living... the constant chatter in my head, the anxiety of knowing I can't cope and do it alone. So yes one day I will die and it will be of un natural causes. #Suicide # because its the only way to stop this pain.

I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm full of self pity but I really am trying but it just gets harder and harder and harder to live with day in, day out for what. I am alone and unless you have bipolar you wouldn't and won't understand.

× My Three Wishe's Would Be... #1 To Have A Peaceful Life With No Stress.. From My Physical x Mental Health. × #2 To STOP My Brain From Constant Worrying.. Because That Has Been My Entire Existence.. Worrying About Thing's x Other's. #3 I Understand That This Last Wish Is NOT Important But It Is To Me " LOVE " I Have Never Experienced It Only From 4 Important People In My Life..My Beautiful Baby Boy Leo x My Father Who I Lost At Just 6 Year's Old From Cancer. × My Amazing Older Twin Brother × My Other Older Brother Who Sadly Passed Away In His Sleep From A Heart Attack.. x So My Question To All You Amazing Mightie's Out There.. What Are Your Top 3 Wishe's. × #BrainQuestGame Sincerly, ☆ S.K. ☆